Rediscover His Light

Distractions do not have to be bad, wrong or evil. A distraction can be anything that pulls attention away from primary objectives. Distractions do, however, tend to interfere with our commitments to significant others, Christ Jesus and ourselves. Distractions can appear by invitation and serve as an excuse to discard what God intended for us to pursue.

 

There was something about the little town of Shechem that caught Jacob’s attention. He evidently saw opportunity in Shechem, but in God’s plan, there was a better place for him to settle. God's heart is saddened when we choose less than his purpose for us. Worse still is choosing what is disastrous.

Jacob's decision to stop at Shechem would bring heartbreak. He observed his children experience issues that would affect their lives indefinitely. Yet Jesus is our Redeemer and is faithful to seek and to save all who have gone astray and are lost. Jesus is the Light that never goes out. His light can be rediscovered when we seek it with all our heart. 

Sidetracked by Distractions

God has a superior plan for each person that is assured to bring contentment, thanksgiving and joy. His purpose for us is achievable. Jacob knew when he left his father-in-law’s home that he was to return to Bethel where he had met God forty years earlier, but he decided to stop at Shechem, falling short of God’s plan.

 

Getting distracted is not unusual. A young man knew God's plan for him was to acquire a college education which would equip him to serve God as directed. Near the end of his junior year, however, he left college to become a full-time evangelist. Years later he longed to go back and finish what he had begun.

Distractions are never in short supply when we're called to pursue God's purpose for our lives. As worthy as distractions may appear, they can sidetrack us from complying with God’s plan and purpose. So “turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full into his wonderful face, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of his glory and grace.” It’s something to consider wherever you are.  

On the Edge of Trusting God

Jacob had good reason to be thankful. God delivered him from his brother’s wrath and blessed him with a large family. He acquired enough wealth to assure adequate security for a lifetime. Still, after witnessing God's presence and provision he hesitated to comply with God's directives.

 

          Have you ever stopped short of finishing God’s instructions for yourself and others? Stopping short may occur as you approach the edge of God’s plan and discover that there to greet you is a major distraction. The distraction could be fear or doubt or whatever stops you from completing what you know is right for you.

Sometimes we're willing to trust God up to the edge, but not beyond that point. Yet God's desire for us is to trust him completely, to go forward all the way and then to rest in his provision and safety. Remember to “trust in the Lord with all your heart. Never rely on what you think you know. Remember the Lord God in everything you do, and he will show you the right way.” This is a great security investment that never loses its value.

We Can Trust God...What about Others?

Disappointment is unavoidable when an apology isn’t forthcoming from someone you’ve trusted but has caused you pain and suffering. Withholding trust for a person who does not honor personal boundaries, who betrays commitments, is both normal and necessary. Trust and confidence flourish or decline, based on behaviors and personalities.

Trust is a complex word, in that it connotes confidence and faith as well as beliefs and values. To dishonor boundaries is indicative of betrayal, and it questions whether trust can be continued or ever regained. To continue to trust after continuous betrayals is dangerous to one’s health and well-being.

          While trust is not easily regained, it’s important to communicate a willingness to do so wherever promises and efforts exist to change negative behaviors and attitudes that would promote distrust. God is patient with us as we struggle to mature and become more like Christ Jesus. To bring glory to God by fulfilling his purposes for us is a goal worthy of all our efforts. 

Waiting for Trust to Return

Relationships survive and thrive on love, trust, and respect. Someone said, "I love him, but I can't trust him." Or, "I love her, but I've lost respect for her." Trust and respect can be rebuilt when each person is patient and honest enough for change and healing to evolve. Patience depends on basic love to endure the hardships of waiting.

When trust has been destroyed, trust for a person may not return, even after forgiveness has taken place.  While forgiveness is a crucial step in restoring trust, it doesn't mean a person is ready or willing to trust again. You may want to trust, wish you could, but find it difficult to rise to the occasion.

Human nature forces us to wait and see if a person is trustworthy. Letting down your guard and gradually beginning to trust again depends on the assurance of safety. Basic love provides hope for a return to trust. Romans 12:12 instructs us to "be joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer." These three are necessary for rebuilding a relationship.

Three Basic Pillars for Enduring Relationships

Most relationships cannot sustain perfect peace and harmony indefinitely. Conflicts in varying degrees of intensity are responsible for breakdowns in trust which create emotional distance. Most conflicts are worked out through sincere communication that includes apologizing for hurtful behavior and words.

 

          Healthy relationships depend on three basic pillars of strength. The first is love. Equally important are respect and trust. Respect is connected to a person's belief system and values for living. Trust is built on a person’s actual healthy behavior. In the early stage of a relationship trust is given if there is no reason to distrust.

          Restoring a broken relationship depends on rebuilding trust, but impatience must be controlled. Proverbs 19:11 teaches “a man's wisdom gives him patience and it’s to his glory to overlook or forgive an offense.” God is the giver of wisdom, so pray for wisdom and patience as you’re given time to rebuild trust.

Trustworthiness: Essential to Reconciliation

Making amends is usually a give-and-take affair between two people, with each person being equally responsible for the success of the effort. The one seeking to make amends must demonstrate humility and sincerity in addition to presenting an attitude of trustworthiness.

  

          The one receiving the offer of reconciliation is responsible for being receptive with humility and sincerity. Esau had every right to hesitate when Jacob attempted to make amends for cheating him out of his birthright and his father's blessing. Instead he reached out to Jacob with love and forgiveness because he saw trustworthiness in Jacob that could not be denied.

          Trustworthiness is essential when one seeks to make amends. For fellowship to be restored, the recipient is responsible for receiving it with an attitude of humility. Esau reached out to Jacob with the blessing of peace by giving him a hug and a kiss. This clearly opened the door for God to bless both brothers. What greater reward could there be for making amends? 

Humility: A Bridge to Making Amends

Communication is key to conflict resolution. How communication takes place determines if an offender’s intentions can be trusted. It’s the responsibility of the offender to take the initiative to make amends with an attitude of humility. Humility empowers this initiative to make amends to be positively perceived.   

          Humility is similar in meaning to the word meek used by Jesus in Matthew 5:5. "Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth." Here meekness refers to strength of character under control and power but absent of harshness. Unfortunately, meek in today’s vernacular conveys an unhealthy submissiveness, a lack of character strength and putting oneself in a position of being controlled in a negative way. 

          Yet humility in Scripture is a prerequisite for being blessed by God. "If my people who are called by my name shall humble themselves and pray" becomes an invitation to God's presence and power. Humility builds a bridge to a healthy and godly attitude for making amends. Pray for the courage and the will to be humble. God will bless you.  

It Takes Two + Humility + Action

It’s difficult to go to someone who was offended by our behavior and seek reconciliation. It’s equally challenging to accept an apology when we’ve been offended. Doubt, lack of trust and a desire to punish are obstacles to conflict resolution. However, it takes positive character strengths to humble oneself and seek reconciliation. If humility is missing, apologies may be rejected. 

          Frustration surfaces when we to try to connect with someone to make amends if we’re ignored or misinterpreted. Consequently, when a person listens and understands our efforts to make amends, we feel affirmed and validated. Making amends requires a mutual yearning to resolve conflict.

          Specific actions communicate more effectively than words alone. Jesus said if there’s conflict between you and another person, go do what’s necessary to make things right so conflict can be resolved. This includes words and action. Then we can present ourselves to Christ Jesus for worship.

Shackled by Unbridled Shame?

Shame has the capability to hold us captive by creating companion thoughts that, if we confessed to behaviors that were unquestionably wrong, then we would never be acceptable again. Shame communicates that something is wrong with us and that we are unworthy of God’s love and mercy. 

          This state of unbridled shame may come from years of being exposed to criticism and rejection by significant others. False reasoning tells you to stay where you are and remain silent. This is not God’s plan for you. Christ Jesus died to give you freedom from sin and shame, regardless of its source, by forgiving and cleansing you from all unrighteousness.  

          While the voice of shame is strong, the desire for a clear conscience is stronger. God's Spirit compels us to make amends for past failures. Making amends includes acknowledging and confessing behaviors that were hurtful to others as well  as restoring what was damaged or ruined. To do so indicates that transformation is  in process and is under-girded by God’s undeserving love, mercy and forgiveness. 

Break Free from Shame

Taking ownership means claiming possession, like after you purchase a home. This is comparable to taking responsibility for making amends to those who have been hurt by our conduct. Taking ownership implies that no one else is to blame for my behavior except myself. Therefore, I will make things right by taking responsibility to change my hurtful behavior.

Making amends parallels repenting for sins committed against God and others. Repentance implies turning away from sin and moving toward righteousness and wholeness. It signifies a willingness to be transformed into the person God intended for us to become.

If you’re willing to make amends, then shame and embarrassment that would keep you in bondage can be overcome and broken. Coming to Christ in true repentance gives you courage to seek forgiveness from God and from others who were hurt and offended by your deliberate actions and attitudes. You are then empowered by a clear conscience to embrace the life God has intended for you to live. 

Override Your Embarrassment - Just Do It!

Making amends for irresponsible behavior is not easy. Taking ownership of careless and deliberate actions that have caused pain and suffering to others is a first step toward making amends. Shame is an appropriate feeling when suffering has been inflicted on others by being unfaithful, dishonest, deceitful, or by misrepresenting oneself.

St. Paul describes our old, nonredeemable self as being responsible for damaging another person’s character or self-esteem. The absence of shame in these situations would be abnormal and out of character for believers in Christ Jesus. The Holy Spirit creates shame and guilt when such sin has been committed. 

          However, the inner voice of embarrassment cries out to override efforts to make things right with those whom we've offended. Yet it’s imperative to listen to the inner voice of Christ Jesus urging you to press onward to make amends for wrongs you've committed. Christ Jesus is your defense and strong fortress against any evil you will encounter.  

A Sincere Sacrifice of Pride

Picture two brothers greeting each other for the first time in twenty years. One brother is uncertain if the meeting will be friendly or hostile. Jacob did what was required to make amends for deceiving Esau. He offered extravagant gifts to placate his brother's wrath. Now Jacob stood before Esau with only God's promise of protection.

 

          As Jacob approached his brother, he bowed prostrate to the ground seven times indicating total subjection to Esau. Unquestionable sincerity was required if making amends were to fulfill a godly purpose. Genuine sacrifice is indicative of serious intentions to make amends.  

          When there’s a willingness to sacrifice pride to make amends, God will bless the effort. Genesis 33:4 tells us that when Esau observed Jacob's sincerity, he ran to embrace and kiss him. Then they both wept. Making amends has lasting rewards when both parties are receptive to restoring fellowship. God rewards the sacrifice you make for peace.