God's Forgiveness Will Cleanse Your Conscience

I recently heard someone ask, "How can I forgive others when I can't forgive myself?" That question is troublesome because it’s laced with shame and guilt. What makes it difficult to forgive oneself is a sense of unworthiness. Unrelenting feelings of guilt and shame may produce behaviors that unintentionally cause damage to a relationship.

 

Inadvertently hurting or betraying someone and then saying their pain and suffering is inconsequential inflicts additional pain that makes forgiveness more difficult. Self-punishment is powered by the wrong belief that it will dissolve shame and guilt. However, sincerely making amends or apologizing is God’s way to a clear conscience. 

Self-forgiveness follows knowing and accepting the cleansing power of God's forgiveness. God's forgiveness is available to anyone who turns to Christ Jesus in faith confessing their sins and behaviors that separated them from fellowship with God and others. Committing to these steps will make it possible for you to forgive yourself and others.  

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If we confess our sins, He is to be depended on, since He is just, to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from every wrong.

~1 John 1:9 Williams – New Testament in the Language of the People

So let us come near to God with a sincere heart and a sure faith, with hearts that have been purified from a guilty conscience and with bodies washed with clean water. Let us hold on firmly to the hope we profess, because we can trust God to keep his promise.

~Hebrews 10:22-23 Good News Bible

Erupting Anger? God Gives Self-Control

Reactive anger is linked to the threat of losing control. As we live in a world defined by stress, becoming edgy is commonplace. Anything that has the appearance of disrupting a fragile sense of control is capable of bringing reactive anger to the surface. A hurried lifestyle where stress abounds infuses a person with frustration. 

The short fuse of reactive anger may override rational thinking and permit self-control to vanish. Living in a high-tech world that promises to make life simple seems to be an illusion. It’s ironic that the more conveniences our world offers, the more pervasive anger and frustrations become. 

Keeping centered on God’s purpose for you takes strength and courage. Proverbs 15:1 gives us a model for responding to reactive anger: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger”. It is the power of God within you that gives you self-control whether reacting to anger within yourself or responding to anger in others.  

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But now you also, put them all aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive speech from your mouth.

~Colossians 3:8 New American Standard Bible

Fools have short fuses and explode all too quickly; the prudent quietly shrug off insults.

~Proverbs 12:16 The Message

If you are sensible, you will control your temper. When someone wrongs you, it is a great virtue to ignore it.

~Proverbs 19:11 Good News Bible

Diffusing a Short Fuse

Reactive anger can be explosive or even deadly. It seems to come from out of nowhere, taking those within its range by surprise. This type of anger evolves from built-up frustrations, disappointments and hurt feelings. A person who is perpetually on guard, tense and seldom relaxed is most vulnerable to spontaneous acts of anger.

  

          An example could be a person who works in a high-pressure, intense environment with little chance for discharging the tension that builds up during long days of stress. Consider law enforcement, academics or a military situation where stress is continual. Then later in a less-threatened environment, releasing pent up anger may become commonplace.

Diffusing reactive anger is possible by thinking through what upset you emotionally and what you can change. Entrusting your situation into God’s care will help build confidence to establish control. Then gently explain your thoughts and feelings to a friend or loved one you can trust. The counselor’s office is a safe place to trust for managing anger. 

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The hotheaded do things they’ll later regret; the coldhearted get the cold shoulder.

~Proverbs 14:17 The Message

If you become angry, do not let your anger lead you into sin, and do not stay angry all day.

~Ephesians 4:26 Good News Bible

Explosive Anger Crushes Trust and Respect

Reactive anger not only strains a relationship to the point of obliteration but also can jeopardize a career. A young wife and mother received a stern warning from her supervisor for unrestrained verbal expressions of anger directed toward co-workers. Most individuals can refrain from venting their frustrations because it is inadvisable to do so.   

 

Reactive anger creates distrust. It makes forgiveness difficult because respect has been damaged. Forgiveness implies a willingness to return to normal fellowship if boundaries have been established over outbursts of anger. It's difficult to respect or trust anyone who does not have control over explosive anger. 

Human nature is designed to reject reactive anger. Forgiveness counseling helps a person discover what precipitates and perpetuates this emotion that allows boundaries to be rejected or disrespected. It is God's desire to instill his strength in everyone who seeks his help. Then the damaged fellowship with God and others can be restored. 

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Don’t let your spirit rush to be angry, for anger abides in the heart of fools.

~Ecclesiastes 7:9 Holman Christian Standard Bible

A gentle answer quiets anger, but a harsh one stirs it up.

~Proverbs 15:1 Good News Bible

UnrestraineD ANGER >>> DANGER

While reactive anger can be abrupt and inflict permanent injuries, the possessor may never feel guilt or regret. How could this be? When anger is expressed, the possessor considers the consequences to be the fault of the one to whom the anger is directed. The holder of reactive anger is too self-centered to feel at fault.

Reactive anger is an unrestrained force levied against whomever is perceived as an enemy. The enemy could be anyone who happens to be within range of its fury. The trigger could be anything ranging from a minor to a major frustration, but usually it’s an accumulation of frustrations that may have nothing to do with the current issue.

The origin of reactive anger may point to an earlier emotional issue that never was resolved, but has the power to alienate family, friends or anyone exposed to its fury. Realize you do not have God’s permission to express this type of anger. You can learn to restrain it by seeking God’s help, by praying and by obtaining professional counseling. 

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Hot tempers start fights; a calm, cool spirit keeps the peace.

~Proverbs 15:18 The Message

Stop your anger! Turn off your wrath. Don’t fret and worry – it only leads to harm. For the wicked shall be destroyed, but those who trust the Lord shall be given every blessing.

~Psalm 37:8-9 The Living Bible

Rein In Reactive Anger

The notion that anger is a realistic force in everyone's life is undeniable. For some, anger may be felt and aired without violence. Many people view anger as unhealthy and believe it must be controlled and subdued regardless of the situation or issue. Most people believe anger can be expressed, but within acceptable limits, to communicate disagreement.   

Reactive anger is expressed in response to being emotionally wounded or threatened. This type of anger is vented impulsively. Road rage is an example of reactive anger. Another instance is physically beating a person who is perceived as a threat. These examples portray out-of-control anger that is expressed violently. 

                                                                                   

Reactive anger can result in feeling remorse, but only after a cooling-off period. Remorse and guilt reflect the need for apologies and forgiveness. Forgiveness depends on acknowledging and resolving anger and bitterness. Begin by asking the Lord to give you the power and will to let go of the anger that is in control of you. This is entirely possible. 

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Don’t be a fool and quickly lose your temper – be sensible and patient.

~Proverbs 29:11 Contemporary English Version

An angry man does not do what is right before God.

~James 1:20 Beck – New Testament in the Language of Today

Hatred: Friend or Foe?

Joseph's brothers sold him into slavery because they hated him. They never imagined they would need to be forgiven for their betrayal. An American World War II soldier told how he survived the Bataan death march and years of brutality while a prisoner of war in Japan. He survived by hating his tormentors and thinking of his own plans for future revenge.

After decades of hating his tormentor, this soldier was able to meet him while visiting Japan. Listening to his tormentor’s story of personal torment and tragedy he’d endured since the war, the soldier’s hatred evaporated as his cold heart was filled with compassion. Hatred may initially feel like a friend, but it becomes an obstacle to forgiveness.

Wrong thinking prevents you from enjoying God’s blessings and love. Being unwilling to forgive is based on a false belief that it will punish those responsible for the hurt you feel. By contrast, forgiveness clears the way for constructive, healthy thinking and a clean heart. Then you are capable of being forgiven by the Lord God who loves you.  

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Whoever claims to be in the light, and yet continues to hate his bother is still in darkness. Whoever continues to love his brother is always in the light, and he is no hindrance to others. But whoever continues to hate his brother is in darkness and is living in darkness, and he does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded his eyes.

~1 John 2:9-11 Williams – New Testament in the Language of the People

Surrender That Stubborn Pride

 Stubbornness has been both praised and criticized throughout history. Some people take pride in their stubbornness. Karl Jung, the Swiss psychologist, wrote, "I regret the foolish mistakes that sprang from my stubbornness, but without that trait I would have never reached my goal." Stubbornness can keep us on track while we’re pressing on toward worthy goals.

Sophocles, the Greek dramatist expressed another view in his play Antigone: "Stubbornness and stupidity are twins," but some people believe stubbornness protects their fragile self-esteem. In truth, stubbornness can be a huge obstacle to overcome while seeking and receiving forgiveness. How easy is it to give in to pride, even when knowing it’s a glaring mistake?

However, obstacles can be turned into opportunity. Obstacles can be challenged head-on by refusing to give in to real and artificial barriers and by asking God for courage and wisdom to grant and receive forgiveness. You can surrender your stubborn pride to Christ, who will sufficiently enable you with the strength to overcome it. 

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You stubborn and hardhearted people! You are always fighting against the Holy Spirit, just as your ancestors did.

~Acts 7:51 Contemporary English Version

Too much pride can put you to shame. It’s wiser to be humble.

~Proverbs 11:2 Contemporary English Version

Then if my people will humble themselves and pray, and search for me, and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear them from heaven and forgive their sins and heal their land. I will listen, wide awake, to every prayer made in this place.

~2 Chronicles 7:14-15 The Living Bible

Trade in Your Pride for Peace

Forgiveness is a wonderful thought, but difficult to accomplish. While you believe forgiveness is the right thing to do, resistance may surround you like a heavily guarded fortress blocking the way forward. Forgiveness is often locked up inside invisible walls accompanied by strong feelings of pride and arrogance.



Pride prevents us from being humble enough to make apologies for causing pain and suffering to others. Some erroneously believe that giving up their pride to secure forgiveness would lead to their downfall. This gives credibility to the old cliché, “Pride goes before the fall.” In truth, arrogance or being overconfident is what leads to failure.

Isaiah 2:11 speaks to the issue of pride. "A day is coming when human pride will be ended, and human arrogance destroyed. Then the Lord alone will be applauded.”  Pride can cut you off from reconciliation and peace. Open yourself to the cleansing power of Christ so you will be able to give or receive forgiveness today.

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Pride leads to destruction, and arrogance to downfall.

~Proverbs 16:18 Good News Bible

It’s common knowledge that, “God goes against the willful proud; God gives grace to the willing humble.”

~James 4:6 The Message

Live in harmony with each other. Do not be arrogant, but associate with humble people. Do not think that you are wiser than you really are.

~Romans 12:16 International Standard Version

The Tenacious Grip of Resentment

We are reluctant to be forgiving when we assume the person who offended us doesn't deserve forgiveness. What we fail to see is that it’s to our advantage to forgive those who have wronged us, even in the most severe cases. True forgiveness unshackles us from revenge that’s driven by a compulsion to get even, either directly or passively. 

Unforgiving resentment, hurt, and fear weaken your emotional and physical health. Failing to forgive blocks your chance for happiness by creating negative attitudes that affect every aspect of life. Forcing yourself to be kind and giving toward the person who offended you will diminish the tenacious grip of resentment.

When you make the decision to forgive regardless of what it takes to achieve it, be ready for setbacks. Don't give up and become discouraged. As forgiveness becomes a reality, you will begin to experience a higher quality of life, both spiritually and mentally. Your behavior will please God and he will reward you for obeying Him.  

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Do not take revenge on others or continue to hate them, but love your neighbors as you love yourself. I am the Lord.

~Leviticus 19:18 Good News Bible

Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the Lord.

~Romans 12:17-19 New Living Translation

Build a Bridge to Tolerance

Intolerance is a human trait that affects everyone at some level and can be so complex as to make a minor noise appear like a major disturbance. Recently, I was having lunch with friends when the noise level made it impossible to communicate. We can develop intolerance for a person or for situations that don’t meet our needs.

The French philosopher Voltaire wrote in 1764, "Tolerance is the prerogative of humanity. We are all steeped in weaknesses so let us forgive one another's follies. This is the first law of nature." Forgiveness is the willingness to accept another person’s differences with compassion and love. Forgiveness builds a bridge to tolerance.

The apostle Paul cried out to God, "O wretched man that I am. Who shall deliver me from this body of sin and death?" He positioned himself before God this way while actively carrying out the Lord’s command to evangelize the world. Paul’s deliverance, restoration and forgiveness came through faith in Jesus Christ.  

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It’s wise to be patient and show what you are like by forgiving others.

~Proverbs 19:11 Contemporary English Version

You are the people of God; he loved you and chose you for his own. So then, you must clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Be tolerant with one another and forgive one another whenever any of you has a complaint against someone else. You must forgive one another just as the Lord has forgiven you. And to all these qualities add love, which binds all things together in perfect unity.

~Colossians 3:12-14 Good News Bible

An Olive Branch Extended

Occasionally stories surface about a marriage or friendship that’s survived for years without experiencing conflict or turmoil. Differences can provoke anger and the desire to put someone in their place even when it damages that person’s self-esteem. Those experiencing such an attack may retaliate with equally offensive measures.

 

However, some people withdraw and stoically remain unwilling to negotiate an end to a silent war. Yet most people desire resolution and will offer an olive branch indicating a willingness to restore fellowship. Then there are those who desire peace and restoration, but lack courage or the skills to make it happen even when there's an open door for a resolution.

Conflict resolution must include forgiveness so peace and renewal can be achieved. As forgiveness builds the bridge to restoration, excuses for conflict are dismantled. Forgiveness allows compassion to be expressed towards those responsible for the pain and suffering. God will make a way for peace.  

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So if you are standing before the altar in the Temple, offering a sacrifice to God, and suddenly remember that a friend has something against you, leave your sacrifice there beside the altar and go and apologize and be reconciled to him, and then come and offer your sacrifice to God.

~Matthew 5:23-24 The Living Bible

So watch yourselves. If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them, and if they repent, forgive them. Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying, “I repent,” you must forgive them.

~Luke 17:3-4 New International Version

Overcoming the Impossible

What offenses can be forgiven and what cannot? Some people put limitations on forgiveness – especially for offenders whose offense was so devastating, insulting and vile it appears there is no way to purge the anger and grief from their heart and soul. While recovery may not appear possible, with God, the impossible can be overcome.

 

For those who trust in Christ Jesus, it's difficult to envision a situation where forgiveness would seem impossible. I heard a story about a young man who was raped in prison and forced to participate as a homosexual for the duration of his imprisonment. The message of the story was that we out here do not want to know the details of such offenses.

Do we ever forget an offense? Given the right stimulus, our memory can recreate events that severely wounded us. Yet God promises to heal devastating wounds, so when we remember the offense, the pain begins to diminish as God heals our heart and soul. Give God thanksgiving and praise for that blessing.  

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“Stay alert! I am God, the God of everything living. Is there anything I cannot do?”

~Jeremiah 32:27 The Message

Jesus said to the disciples…Listen to me! You can pray for anything, and if you believe, you have it; it’s yours! But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive you your sins too.”

~Mark 11:24-25 The Living Bible

For I can do everything God asks me to with the help of Christ who gives me the strength and power.

~Philippians 4:13 The Living Bible