Can You Help Your Child Become the Person God Intended?

From the beginning of written language, instructions have been recorded in abundance on how to parent and the problems associated with that responsibility. Some children are more compliant and adaptable to boundaries while others are difficult to the point of being oppositional defiant.

Even in the best of circumstances, parenting can be difficult considering how much there is to learn about keeping children safe and healthy. A strategy that contributes to success in parenting is accepting just how different children are in personality and temperament.

The fact that your children are so different from you can be a blessing when it’s perceived as an opportunity to learn tolerance and patience. Parenting forces you to think beyond yourself. This helps you gain knowledge and understanding about the uniqueness of the children God has graciously loaned you to love and safeguard

Remember, God will help you teach and train your children how to be the people he intended. 

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Parents, do not treat your children in such a way as to make them angry. Instead, raise them with Christian discipline and instruction.  

~Ephesians 6:4 Good News Bible

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From Sunday, December 21 through Christmas Day, blogs will be posted each day to coincide with KHCB radio's special music and short devotional programming, "Five Days of Christmas". 

Does God Expect Parents to Set Appropriate Boundaries?

Parenting is always a constant learning experience as children  progress through the developmental stages of childhood. Parents have to accept the complexities of each child’s personality and the impact this has on them as parents. Parenting can be stressful as well as a blessing.

While some children are difficult to parent, most desire to please their parents by complying with rules and boundaries, loving school, and eventually becoming independent. When children know with certainty what to expect, they are more inclined to accept the rules of society.

If parents feel secure with setting appropriate boundaries and enforcing consequences, then children will be motivated to please and respect their parents. God’s word commands parents to raise children with discipline and instructions so they will be mature and capable of competing in society as adults. 

The Holy Spirit is willing to guide you in parenting  your children. Are you available?          

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No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

~Hebrews 12:11 New International Version

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Does Parenting Seem Difficult for You?

Parenting children is always accompanied by some hardship, like the financial cost that’s activated at conception and continues until the child becomes independent. The physical and emotional demands required to care for children are challenging and time-consuming.

The majority of parents willingly expend energy and assets to insure their children are safe and secure. It’s also imperative to accept each child as an opportunity to learn new parenting skills, for each child is different in personality and temperament.

Yet, an often-overlooked attribute children possess is the innate desire to please their parents. Ask yourself, “Am I giving my children adequate time and attention along with boundaries and affection that convey to them they’re loved and needed?” God’s word encourages you to “Teach your children right from wrong and when they are grown they will not turn from it.” Love your children as God loves you. Appreciate every effort they make to please you.

                    

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Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” –which is the first commandment with a promise– “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth. “

~Ephesians 6:1-3 New International Version

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When Is It Appropriate to Say "No" to Someone?

Have you ever said “yes” to someone but would have preferred to say “no”? I realize there are individuals who take delight in responding negatively to whatever is asked of them. God created us, however, with the desire to please others, but can this need be inappropriate?

Trying to please to the point of losing the respect of others can be detrimental to relationships

Yet, saying “no” is not a license for acting arrogant or refusing to show respect for the feelings, needs, and thoughts of others.

It’s important to be alert to when it’s appropriate to say “no.” Keep in mind, God does not always respond with a resounding “yes” to each of your prayers. Remember, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus.” Believe God’s word.

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Therefore, if anyone cleanses himself from what is dishonorable, he will be a vessel for honorable use, set apart as holy….ready for every good work.

~2 Timothy 2:21 English Standard Version

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Can a Person Be Nice but Be Unhappy?

Is it possible to be nice but unhappy? The answer depends on what you expect from others. Someone relayed how a friend never returned favors or offered help when it was needed. Is there a point where being nice involves acting irresponsibly?

Most people believe if they’re nice, a positive return will be forthcoming and if not, then acts of generosity will be discontinued. However resisting the impulse to be nice may consequently cause guilt, shame, and sadness to surface.

But are you being unkind or sinful by refusing to be nice to someone who sees it as a weakness? Are there times when saying “no” is appropriate? The Good News Bible in Ephesians 4:29 advises you “not to use harmful words but only helpful words, the kind that build up and provide what is needed, so that what you say will do good to those who hear you.” 

Do your best to be compassionate, and imitate the Lord God.                       

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People may be pure in their own eyes, but the Lord examines their motives.

~Proverbs 16:2 New Living Translation

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How Do Parents Gain the Respect of Their Children?

It is within human nature to try to please others by being nice. However parents can’t always be nice if appropriate discipline and boundaries are used to teach children how to live in a family and society. Refusing to enforce rules and boundaries goes against God’s guidelines for parenting.

Making every effort to please is an attempt to avoid feeling guilty. Unreal or pseudo guilt is triggered by the failure to please everyone. At this juncture ask, “Is it better to be loved and accepted at this moment or to be respected?”

Most parents know children will not always like them, maybe even hate them.

Children who respect their parents go out into the world with a greater chance for success than those who have been pampered and coddled. Let this appeal be yours from Psalm 25:4-5: “Show me your way, O Lord. Teach and guide me in your truths, for you are my God and my hope.”

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“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

~Isaiah 55:8-9 New International Version

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Can False Guilt Seem Real and Powerful?

Exceptionally nice people may have problems saying “no” to others even when it’s appropriate to do so. Conversely, a father of two explained that he says “yes” to his children as often as possible, but when he says “no,” that’s exactly what he means.

An issue with many people is feeling guilty for saying “no” because they believe they’ve violated the rule to be nice. Some children and adults are experts at creating feelings of guilt in others. Saying “no,” feeling guilt, then giving in, defines a vicious circle.

Guilt implies sin has taken place, and now punishment will surely follow – which creates fear and anxiety. Ask yourself, “What legitimate sin have I committed?” Clearly evaluate the answer. The purpose of “Christ in you” is to convict for sin which leads to repentance and forgiveness. False guilt is different, and “Christ in you” will show you the difference. Are you thankful for God’s faithfulness?  

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Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection.

~Romans 12:9-10 New Living Translation

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