When Is It Appropriate to Say "No" to Someone?

Have you ever said “yes” to someone but would have preferred to say “no”? I realize there are individuals who take delight in responding negatively to whatever is asked of them. God created us, however, with the desire to please others, but can this need be inappropriate?

Trying to please to the point of losing the respect of others can be detrimental to relationships

Yet, saying “no” is not a license for acting arrogant or refusing to show respect for the feelings, needs, and thoughts of others.

It’s important to be alert to when it’s appropriate to say “no.” Keep in mind, God does not always respond with a resounding “yes” to each of your prayers. Remember, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus.” Believe God’s word.

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Therefore, if anyone cleanses himself from what is dishonorable, he will be a vessel for honorable use, set apart as holy….ready for every good work.

~2 Timothy 2:21 English Standard Version

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Can a Person Be Nice but Be Unhappy?

Is it possible to be nice but unhappy? The answer depends on what you expect from others. Someone relayed how a friend never returned favors or offered help when it was needed. Is there a point where being nice involves acting irresponsibly?

Most people believe if they’re nice, a positive return will be forthcoming and if not, then acts of generosity will be discontinued. However resisting the impulse to be nice may consequently cause guilt, shame, and sadness to surface.

But are you being unkind or sinful by refusing to be nice to someone who sees it as a weakness? Are there times when saying “no” is appropriate? The Good News Bible in Ephesians 4:29 advises you “not to use harmful words but only helpful words, the kind that build up and provide what is needed, so that what you say will do good to those who hear you.” 

Do your best to be compassionate, and imitate the Lord God.                       

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People may be pure in their own eyes, but the Lord examines their motives.

~Proverbs 16:2 New Living Translation

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How Do Parents Gain the Respect of Their Children?

It is within human nature to try to please others by being nice. However parents can’t always be nice if appropriate discipline and boundaries are used to teach children how to live in a family and society. Refusing to enforce rules and boundaries goes against God’s guidelines for parenting.

Making every effort to please is an attempt to avoid feeling guilty. Unreal or pseudo guilt is triggered by the failure to please everyone. At this juncture ask, “Is it better to be loved and accepted at this moment or to be respected?”

Most parents know children will not always like them, maybe even hate them.

Children who respect their parents go out into the world with a greater chance for success than those who have been pampered and coddled. Let this appeal be yours from Psalm 25:4-5: “Show me your way, O Lord. Teach and guide me in your truths, for you are my God and my hope.”

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“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

~Isaiah 55:8-9 New International Version

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Can False Guilt Seem Real and Powerful?

Exceptionally nice people may have problems saying “no” to others even when it’s appropriate to do so. Conversely, a father of two explained that he says “yes” to his children as often as possible, but when he says “no,” that’s exactly what he means.

An issue with many people is feeling guilty for saying “no” because they believe they’ve violated the rule to be nice. Some children and adults are experts at creating feelings of guilt in others. Saying “no,” feeling guilt, then giving in, defines a vicious circle.

Guilt implies sin has taken place, and now punishment will surely follow – which creates fear and anxiety. Ask yourself, “What legitimate sin have I committed?” Clearly evaluate the answer. The purpose of “Christ in you” is to convict for sin which leads to repentance and forgiveness. False guilt is different, and “Christ in you” will show you the difference. Are you thankful for God’s faithfulness?  

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Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection.

~Romans 12:9-10 New Living Translation

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Is It More Important to Be Nice or Be Honest?

While most people try to be nice or give the appearance of being nice, others deliberately do their best to be disagreeable, unpleasant, and unkind. These individuals might say they're just being honest about how they feel and had rather be truthful than dishonest.

I realize sharing feelings and thoughts requires trusting others to care enough to be empathetic rather than immediately start giving advice and solutions. Some folks believe it’s more important to conceal the truth about how they honestly feel and what they think.

It’s important to remember that almost everyone will send clues when emotional overload takes place even though they are desperately trying to take in everything that’s being conveyed. Realizing the truth, acknowledging and accepting the truth is indeed freeing. As Jesus promised, “You will know the truth and the truth will set you free.” Have you expressed sincere thanksgiving to God for this blessing?

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But now you must be holy in everything you do, just as God who chose you is holy. For the Scriptures say, “You must be holy, for I am holy.”

~1 Peter 1:15-16 New Living Translation

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What Word Best Defines Your Character?

Have you noticed how words and language tend to change with each generation? Today the word "cool" could identify a person or just about anything. Cool could refer to someone being nice or acceptable.

Like all words used to communicate, “nice” may refer to a person’s character or values, but it is possible to be fooled. I’ve heard parents explain how they mistakenly believed a friend of their son or daughter was a nice person only to find out too late the truth.

Being honest in all situations should be the objective of every believer in Christ Jesus. Ephesians 4:15 implores us to speak the truth in love – love for Jesus Christ, love for God’s Word, and love for people. 

This is the ultimate incentive for speaking the truth. This attitude demonstrates character that reflects kindness, gentleness, and self-control. Be thankful that the love of Christ Jesus abides in you.                            

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Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord God forgave you. And over these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

~Colossians 3:12-14 New International Version

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When Is It Most Difficult for You to Be Nice?

Is there a time to be nice and a time to be firm? Nice implies a courteous and helpful attitude, but is it possible to act nice while feeling angry and frustrated internally? If being nice is your only option, what may not get expressed is honesty.

In some people’s opinion, being nice conveys reluctance to be absolutely honest. In truth, it is not always appropriate to verbalize everything you think or feel. Saying something unkind or deliberately hurtful is seldom, if ever, forgotten.

There is a time to say what you think and a time to remain silent. We often equate being nice with kindness, but is it possible to be kind while disagreeing on issues or a situation? Listen to 1 Corinthians 13:4: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.” It is possible to be loving and kind when the Holy Spirit is your guide.  

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My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.

~James 1:19 New International Version

 Those who are kind benefit themselves, but those who are cruel bring ruin on themselves.

~Proverbs 11:17 New International Version

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