Can False Guilt Seem Real and Powerful?

Exceptionally nice people may have problems saying “no” to others even when it’s appropriate to do so. Conversely, a father of two explained that he says “yes” to his children as often as possible, but when he says “no,” that’s exactly what he means.

An issue with many people is feeling guilty for saying “no” because they believe they’ve violated the rule to be nice. Some children and adults are experts at creating feelings of guilt in others. Saying “no,” feeling guilt, then giving in, defines a vicious circle.

Guilt implies sin has taken place, and now punishment will surely follow – which creates fear and anxiety. Ask yourself, “What legitimate sin have I committed?” Clearly evaluate the answer. The purpose of “Christ in you” is to convict for sin which leads to repentance and forgiveness. False guilt is different, and “Christ in you” will show you the difference. Are you thankful for God’s faithfulness?  

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Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection.

~Romans 12:9-10 New Living Translation

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Is It More Important to Be Nice or Be Honest?

While most people try to be nice or give the appearance of being nice, others deliberately do their best to be disagreeable, unpleasant, and unkind. These individuals might say they're just being honest about how they feel and had rather be truthful than dishonest.

I realize sharing feelings and thoughts requires trusting others to care enough to be empathetic rather than immediately start giving advice and solutions. Some folks believe it’s more important to conceal the truth about how they honestly feel and what they think.

It’s important to remember that almost everyone will send clues when emotional overload takes place even though they are desperately trying to take in everything that’s being conveyed. Realizing the truth, acknowledging and accepting the truth is indeed freeing. As Jesus promised, “You will know the truth and the truth will set you free.” Have you expressed sincere thanksgiving to God for this blessing?

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But now you must be holy in everything you do, just as God who chose you is holy. For the Scriptures say, “You must be holy, for I am holy.”

~1 Peter 1:15-16 New Living Translation

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What Word Best Defines Your Character?

Have you noticed how words and language tend to change with each generation? Today the word "cool" could identify a person or just about anything. Cool could refer to someone being nice or acceptable.

Like all words used to communicate, “nice” may refer to a person’s character or values, but it is possible to be fooled. I’ve heard parents explain how they mistakenly believed a friend of their son or daughter was a nice person only to find out too late the truth.

Being honest in all situations should be the objective of every believer in Christ Jesus. Ephesians 4:15 implores us to speak the truth in love – love for Jesus Christ, love for God’s Word, and love for people. 

This is the ultimate incentive for speaking the truth. This attitude demonstrates character that reflects kindness, gentleness, and self-control. Be thankful that the love of Christ Jesus abides in you.                            

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Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord God forgave you. And over these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

~Colossians 3:12-14 New International Version

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When Is It Most Difficult for You to Be Nice?

Is there a time to be nice and a time to be firm? Nice implies a courteous and helpful attitude, but is it possible to act nice while feeling angry and frustrated internally? If being nice is your only option, what may not get expressed is honesty.

In some people’s opinion, being nice conveys reluctance to be absolutely honest. In truth, it is not always appropriate to verbalize everything you think or feel. Saying something unkind or deliberately hurtful is seldom, if ever, forgotten.

There is a time to say what you think and a time to remain silent. We often equate being nice with kindness, but is it possible to be kind while disagreeing on issues or a situation? Listen to 1 Corinthians 13:4: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.” It is possible to be loving and kind when the Holy Spirit is your guide.  

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My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.

~James 1:19 New International Version

 Those who are kind benefit themselves, but those who are cruel bring ruin on themselves.

~Proverbs 11:17 New International Version

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Which of Your Character Traits Help You Be Nice?

Being nice is an admired attribute. So what does it mean to be nice? Parents teach their children early on to be courteous, kind, and gracious. Like the word meek from Matthew 5:3, nice has been tainted by many negative connotations.

Several decades ago a new executive was elected to direct the General Electric Corporation. Thousands of employees were laid off immediately in an effort to save the company. This man was not considered meek or nice, but courageous.

Being nice does not imply lacking in character to stand up for what is morally right. Jesus modeled this for us when he stood against spiritual and social corruptness. 

This is your choice when you stand up for what is respectable and decent, even if it means a disruption of your personal peace. Jesus said, “My peace I give to you, not as the world gives but as I give to you.” It’s your choice, which you are invited to accept.

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The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride.

~Ecclesiastes 7:8 New International Version

 Be tolerant of one another and forgive each other if any anyone has a complaint against another. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, you also should forgive. 

~Colossians 3:13 International Standard Version

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Can Your Behavior Patterns Be Changed?

Is it possible to be too nice by accepting other people’s negative attitudes and behaviors? Vicious circles begin by yielding to self-imposed needs to always be nice and accepting. Feelings of guilt and shame may follow when a person yields to being inappropriately nice.

Vicious circles can be problematic, not only for relationships but for a person’s integrity and self-esteem. 

Those within a vicious circle may lose self-respect by refusing to share what they think and feel just to avoid having conflict and being rejected.

Can these patterns of behavior be changed? The answer is "Yes", but it may be difficult where conflict avoidance is part of the vicious circle. However, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Energy for change comes from believing God is a constant source of hope and power. Psalm 18 declares, “I love you, O Lord, my strength, my rock, my fortress, and my Savior.” Allow this to be your testimony and faith.

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Therefore, whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone.

~Galatians 6:10 New Living Translation

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Is It Too Costly to Stand for Your True Beliefs?

The majority of people want to be accepted by those within their preferred social groups. Most people know what it takes to draw people rather than repel them. In our culture the word nice defines a generous, helpful person who tries to avoid conflict.

Is it conceivable to be too nice and fall into a vicious circle trying to please everyone by agreeing with issues that are contrary to your personal values and beliefs? All too often being nice is more important than taking a stand for what is morally and biblically correct.

There were individuals who spoke harshly against Jesus because he did not always do what was considered nice. He touched people with  leprosy and socialized with tax collectors. He showed compassion toward a woman prostitute and challenged those who pretended to be above sin. Ask yourself, “How would Jesus respond if he were facing my current issues?” Take time to listen for a response. 

           

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Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin.

~James 4:17 New American Standard Bible

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Can You Fulfill Your Need for Identity and Belonging?

Some years ago a popular song professed, “You can’t always get what you want…, but you might get what you need.” Vicious circles, or cycles, pivot on hungering and thirsting for what will satisfy your heart’s desire. Vicious circles also attempt to appease your need for belonging.

This type of hungering and thirsting may be costly – emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Proverbs 6:27-28 asks, “Can a man scoop fire onto his lap without burning his clothes? Can he walk on hot coals without damaging his feet?”

It’s impossible to engage in vicious circles and avoid negative consequences. Finding ways to satisfy your need for identity and belonging may demand altering your ambitions. Listen to Jesus from John 6:35: “I am the bread of life. Those who come to me will never go hungry, and those who believe in me will never thirst.” Jesus answers our need for purpose and belonging. Have you responded to his invitation?  

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You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, and my body longs for you, [as if] in a dry and weary land where there is no water.

~Psalm 63:1 New International Version 

[Jesus promised,] “The water I give will become [like] a flowing fountain that gives eternal life.”

~John 4:14 Contemporary English Version

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Is It Possible for Your Attitude to Change?

If you had three wishes, what would be first on your list? Life often evolves around wishes that may or may not have some potential for reality. An elderly woman revealed her experience of being deeply in love as a young woman with a young man who did not share her hopes and dreams.

She later married and had children but never healed from her lost love. Now, as an elderly woman, she feels she has lived her life in vain by clinging to her sad past. Continuing to grieve, she has failed to give her heart to the faithful husband and family God so graciously has provided.

Getting stuck in a vicious circle of grief can be avoided. Instead of longing for what is out of bounds, you can make yourself focus on what God has provided and be thankful. 

Keep saying, “Thank you Jesus,” and praise him for his kindness and goodness. Ask God to help you rejoice in his overflowing blessings. You will sense your attitude changing.                 

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Now your [new] attitudes and thoughts must all be constantly changing for the better. Yes, you must be a new and different person, holy and good. Clothe yourself with this new nature.

~Ephesians 4:23-24 The Living Bible

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Is the Desire for Righteousness Your Primary Longing?

Two essential needs of human beings are food and water. If these are satisfied, the tendency is to then focus on other important needs like what gives meaning and purpose to life. Needs are indisputably allied with desire and longing.

A need implies the existence of internal stress to seek and satisfy whatever is required to reduce the stress that is felt. The drive to satisfy a need may create a vicious circle and consequently cause other problems that demand attention.

It’s helpful to ask, “Is what I’m doing good for me? How can I direct my resources toward what pleases the Lord God?” Jesus said, “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.” Ask God to create in you a longing for the righteousness of Jesus. This makes it possible for you to be in a loving, caring relationship with God and to be blessed by him.

 Make this your first priority.

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Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him and he will help you. He will make your innocence radiate like the dawn, and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun.

~Psalm 37:5-6 New Living Translation

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What Are Your Heart's Desires at This Moment?

Hunger and thirst are two of our strongest drives for sustaining life. As these basic requirements are satisfied, the human tendency is to focus on other needs such as a particular lifestyle, a specific neighborhood, career advancements, and other amenities.

The need for close, nurturing relationships consistently rises to the highest priority with most individuals. Without these God-created desires and needs actively working for your benefit, life evolves into vicious circles that question life’s meaning and purpose.

Vicious circles diminish the rewards derived from having close, intimate relationships with the family and being a servant of God. Overcoming vicious circles begins by asking, “What are my priorities, what is my heart’s desire, what will it amount to at the end of days and for eternity?” Listen to an invitation from God’s word: “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, for it is the power of God to give life abundantly." Will you accept?

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God will give you his constantly overflowing kindness. Then, when you always have everything you need, you can do more and more good things.

~2 Corinthians 9:8 God’s Word Translation

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Do Your Choices Count Toward Your Deliverance?

Human beings need predictable routines because life requires consistency. Children function better when there are simple routines. Being aware of what to expect reduces stress and anxiety for most people. For those who need rigid routines, any variation can be disconcerting.

Daily routines differ from vicious circles by the emotional intensity felt and acted out. Vicious circles are observed in children who display temper tantrums. A child wants something, the parent refuses, the child cries and falls to the floor. The parent then relents.

These childish behaviors evolve into indulgence and vicious circles in adults. Vicious circles can be conquered by imposing boundaries on yourself. Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit, acquired by permitting Jesus Christ to occupy first place in your life. 

Ask Christ to fill you with his love and mercy so you can turn away from what has so much power over your life. He will do it. Are you willing?

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Then Jesus said,… “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own his soul.

~Matthew 16:24-26 New Living Translation

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