Is It Possible to Purge Oneself of Hatred?

It’s within human nature to hate what causes suffering and pain. Hatred is powerful because of the social and spiritual stigma it fosters. Hatred does more damage to the one harboring it than to those to whom it is directed.

This truth, unfortunately, does little to convince the one nursing hatred to let it go and permit God to do his work. Hatred can cause a marriage to fail and drive a wedge between parents and children during and after divorce proceedings. Parents often use children to punish the ex-spouse.

Fractured and broken parents should never use their children as conveyers of punishment. 1 John 2:11 tells us if we permit hatred to take possession of us, we live in darkness, which implies the blessings of God will be absent from us, for God is light. In God there can be no darkness. 

Hatred conveys darkness and destruction, but forgiveness imparts healing and the blessing of God’s presence.                            

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Stop being bitter and angry and mad at others. Don’t yell at one another or curse each other or ever be rude. Instead, be kind and merciful, and forgive others, just as God forgave you because of Christ Jesus.

~Ephesians 4:31-32 Contemporary English Version

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How Severely Does Divorce Affect Children?

Divorce has been a spiritual, moral, and legal issue for thousands of years because the husband or wife or both decided against the marriage. Those seeking a divorce believe they made a mistake by permitting themselves to be chosen as a marriage partner.

A fractured and broken marriage negatively affects children, but it’s a fact that some children suffer more than others, which can drive a wedge between a parent and child that may endure for years. This happens when children are used as tools for punishing the other parent.

I realize that divorce causes everyone to experience the pain of grief when those involved willingly get stuck in anger and hatred. Intentionally driving a wedge between a parent and child is an offence that boomerangs on the perpetrator. Escaping this temptation can be done by permitting God to use the pain of grief and suffering to bring about his purpose for each person. Trust that God’s way is best.

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The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

~Psalm 34:18 New International Version

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Is It Appropriate for Children to Grieve?

Every family is impacted by divorce, whether personally or by friends or the extended family. In our society divorce demonstrates what happens as a consequence of fractured and broken individuals. Children become emotionally wounded by parental choices.

The reasons for divorce are numerous, and those making this choice feel justified in their decision. The ones left in the wake of divorce may initially feel more devastated than the one deciding to separate. Every participant will go through the stages of grief.

Children can be neglected during the chaos of divorce, but children are as burdened by the disruption as are adults. A child’s grief isn’t unlike what adults experience although they may be too young to express it. Jesus will enable you to care for your children, so do not fail to recognize and comfort your children during their grief. 

God blesses those who grieve. He will comfort them.                            

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Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our…momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but on what is unseen is eternal.  

~2 Corinthians 4:16-18 New International Version

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What Happens When Forgiveness Isn't Permitted Expression?

Most parents teach their children to refrain from holding grudges against their siblings or friends, but letting go of hurt feelings is difficult. A grudge is similar to resentment and bitterness. Suppressing these feelings prevents reconciliation from taking place.

Reliving past injuries happens when acceptable solutions remain out of bounds. In truth, most individuals seek compensation from those who inflict physical or emotional harm by demanding their contrition, apologies, or that they make amends.

If a resolution seems impossible, then internalizing anger, disappointment, and sadness is inevitable. This leads periodically to reliving the past. God does not intend for his people to hold grudges, for they are the pathway to diminished happiness. 

Forgiving others makes it possible for God to create in you a clean heart. This is possible with God’s help and your permission. “Blessed are the peacemakers. God will call them his children.”                   

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But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.

~Isaiah 53:5 New International Version

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What Lies at the Center of God's Promise to Heal You?

Healing from emotional wounds that were created in a fractured or broken relationship is possible, provided time and patience are permitted to be a part of the process. Pain, whether physical or emotional, is not easily tolerated so it’s natural to expect relief.

It’s impossible for children to get through childhood and adolescence without sustaining minor and serious physical injuries, although these heal and are mentally stored away. Likewise, emotional injuries and wounds ranging from serious to devastating are also experienced.

At the center of recovery is forgiveness, so all efforts to give and receive forgiveness must be honored and treasured along with a strong commitment to make significant life changes. 

God in Psalm 147:3 promises to heal the brokenhearted. In Jeremiah 30:17 God restates: “I will restore health to you, and your wounds I will heal.” Praise God for such good news!                        

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Let us, then, always offer praise to God as our sacrifice through Jesus Christ…Do not forget to do good and to help one another, because these are the sacrifices that please God.

~Hebrews 13:15-16 Good News Bible

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What Role Does Attitude Play in Fractured Relationships?

Broken relationships are a fact of life. Whether people can resolve conflicts and heal emotional wounds depends on each person admitting complicity and taking responsibility to change. What stands out as a determining factor is each person’s attitude.

Attitude is influenced by a person’s temperament, personality, and experiences. Attitude cannot be separated from long-term spiritual, social, and political views. Attitude includes your personal disposition, feelings, and opinions about every aspect of life.

That attitudes play a significant role in a fractured relationship is obvious and determines if reconciliation is possible. Prompted by the Holy Spirit, an attitude can be modified or radically changed. 

Reconciliation is possible when healing emotional and spiritual wounds is a priority. God’s word reminds us Jesus came to "bind up the wounds of the brokenhearted and proclaim freedom for the captive," regardless of how bondage is defined.

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Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it  does not rejoice at wrongs but rejoices in the [truth]. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends...

~1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Revised Standard Version

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When IS Communication the Pathway to Understanding?

The primary cause for most fractured or broken relationships is failure of communication. This implies the significance of understanding and accepting the other person's need to share something important. Lack of understanding is often attributed to the failure to listen.

Failure to communicate is observed where every misdeed from the past is hurled at each other. In these attempts to communicate, issues become obscured by unresolved problems. Refusing to talk is to deny problems exist and eventually cause relationship failure.

If you want to be understood, communication is a necessary tool that makes it happen. Failure to communicate is the pathway to isolation, grief, and loneliness; however, God has given you a voice. Yet how you speak or if you speak is a choice God allows you to make. Sincere love and truthful communication are the means for restoring and healing a fractured or broken relationship.

    

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If I dispose of all that I possess, yes, even if I give my own body to be burned, but have no love, I achieve precisely nothing.

~1 Corinthians 13:3 Phillips – New Testament In Modern English

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