What Draws People Closer in a Relationship?

Whatever shapes a relationship and determines its success or failure is directly attributed to words that are spoken in conjunction with a positive or negative mood. It’s possible to temporarily disguise feelings and thoughts, but eventually and predictably, the truth will be revealed.

Some people would never disguise their thoughts or mood even as they realize these thoughts and feelings, if expressed, would damage the relationship. While this approach hides dangerous pent-up emotions, they contribute to a sad, depressed mood that pushes people away.

Conversely, feelings which are joyful, confident, and peaceful exemplify a mood of contentment that draws people closer to each other. 

In life we have a choice of being a peacemaker or an alienator, to expect and live with hope for the future or become engulfed in negative thoughts and moods. Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called God’s own people.” What a blessed position to share with those you love!           

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Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

~1 Thessalonians 5:16 New International Version

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How Does Expressing Kindness Affect Acceptance?

Being accepted is one of the highest achievements mankind strives for throughout life. Acceptance depends on several contributing facts such as character, social skills, education, and a multitude of other factors. 

We’re born into a family where acceptance should be a given, but one child can be more favored than others, depending on gender and birth order. While children are not overtly rejected, one may be more favored.

The content of all emotional attachments is communicated by affection and joyful feelings expressed toward each child. Your feelings, whether positive or negative, represent acceptance or rejection.

Proverbs 11:12 confirms: “It’s foolish to speak scornfully of others.” The word 'scornful' describes an attitude of judgment and a hateful mood. Listen to Proverbs 11:17. “You do yourself a favor when you are kind….”  Remember, wise people think before speaking, and being kind promotes acceptance. Praise God for the kindness he demonstrates to us.

It is a  treasure to cherish.   

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So in Christ Jesus all of you are children of God through faith, for all of you who were baptized have clothed yourself with Christ.

~Galatians 3:26 Williams – New Testament in the Language of the People

Now therefore there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

~Romans 8:1 Williams – New Testament in the Language of the People

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How Does Our Mood Affect What We Say?

The words we say to another person in stressful situations can permanently damage a relationship. Words reflect moods such as happy, joyful, sad, or angry. These feelings are identifiable by the tone of voice and facial expressions.

Mistakes are often accompanied by a mood such as anger or fear. Words spoken carelessly while in a particular mood may reveal what is actually factual but, once spoken, are forever imprinted in the mind of the one who hears.

Regardless of your mood, you are accountable for every word spoken. 

So, it’s not always appropriate to say what we think and feel. While mistakes are forgivable, they can have a permanent, negative impact. Proverbs 10:17 are words for the wise: “People who listen when they are corrected will live, but those who will not admit that they are wrong are on a dangerous pathway.” God’s word is the pathway to life and peace.

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Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

~Psalm 139:23-24 New International Version

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Are We Responsible for Learning from Mistakes?

It is amazing how past mistakes shape what we presently choose. Corrected mistakes can be responsible for choices that paved the way for success and happiness. What ultimately mattered is how accountability influenced a final outcome.

In our society divorce has come to be an acceptable solution for a bad marriage. What’s interesting to note is over 60% of those entering a second marriage fail to make a better choice. Is this a by-product of failing to learn from previous mistakes?

You are responsible for learning from mistakes and applying new knowledge to current situations. How does God feel observing his people making poor choices in the face of unmistakable warning signs? Proverbs 27:12 makes this observation: “Sensible people will see trouble coming and avoid it, but an unthinking person will walk right into it and later regret it.” 

Listen to the still small voice of God as he speaks to you now.

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Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you – unless, of course, you fail the test?

~2 Corinthians 13:5 New International Version

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How Do We Learn from Past Mistakes?

Have you known someone who refused to take responsibility to do a special task out of fear of making a mistake that they assumed would be unforgivable? Mistakes are a vital component to learning in addition to being a primary source for understanding what to avoid in the future.

Learning from mistakes is linked to accountability, which in turn is connected to maturing throughout life. In the American Civil War of the 1860’s Robert E. Lee, commander of the Southern forces, made a choice that led to his defeat at Gettysburg.

For Lee, it was a lesson too late for learning, but for most people it is not too late to learn from bad choices. 

God promises if you accept accountability, he will give you knowledge and understanding that enable you to change your life’s pathway. Accountability means learning from mistakes, taking responsibility for them, and then applying corrective action to ensure they will not be repeated.  

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Whoever conceals their sins will not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.

~Proverbs 28:13 New International Version

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Does God Use Past Mistakes as Guides for the Future?

Making a mistake is unavoidable, yet essential for maturing. Acquiring knowledge takes place in formal education, and experience serves as a valuable learning tool. Accountability acknowledges mistakes and poor judgment and then implements corrections.

Mistakes are forgivable, provided they serve as teaching moments. Each person is accountable for gaining knowledge and being sure that what is learned is valuable. Proverbs 15:31 defines a wise person: “If you pay attention when you are corrected, you are wise”.

Edward Wilson was one of Harvard University’s prestigious professors and known for his research on ants. He accepted criticism by putting into action suggestions from his critics that resulted in his greatest discoveries. Knowledge and wisdom can be late in coming, but where there is dedication to learning, God will  bestow his grace and blessings on that person. 

You can do great things through Christ Jesus who gives you strength and courage to press on toward accomplishing what he sets before you to do.

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Take a lesson from the ants…Learn from their ways and be wise! For though they have no leader or ruler, they store up their food during the summer, getting ready for winter… Listen! Wisdom is calling out. Reason is making [itself known].  

~Proverbs 6:6-8, 8:1 The Living Bible/Good News Bible

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What Are the Consequences for Unacceptable Behavior?

How often have you heard someone say in frustration or despair, “I just want to be myself and be accepted?” In truth, you must restrain the impulse to act with unacceptable behavior and objectionable speech, for this is the pathway to rejection.

Understanding accountability and applying it to yourself is a tremendous task, but the majority of people will in time mature. The message is clear: “You can be yourself but within specified boundaries.”

You have an expressive self that is part of your identity and an internal core that’s also yearning for exposure. Restraining is necessary to prevent unwanted negative consequences. Accountability is certain, so your objective is to please God with your whole self. Proverbs 16:23 offers wise counsel. “Intelligent people think before they speak, so what they say is then more persuasive.” 

In Jesus you have your best example for who you can be and what you can do.

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Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful.

~1 Corinthians 4:2 New International Version

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