What Does Excuse-making Say About Maturity?

Coming up with excuses for failure is not difficult to do. Parents blame the school, teachers, or other students sometimes for their child’s failures. There are situations where excuses have validity, but blaming others doesn’t always adequately address reality.

Excuse-making is a first defense for failure. We want to be well thought of even if it means failing to take responsible for failures to live up to expectations. Looking good may substitute for poor parenting skills, a failed marriage, and how we want God to see us.

Looking good often covers a fractured self and is often an excuse for failure. Remember when Adam and Eve had to face God for choosing to eat the forbidden fruit? Adam excused himself by blaming Eve, and Eve’s excuse was Satan persuaded her with enticing words. Rather than making up excuses to cover their guilt and shame, they could have, through open and truthful confession, presented themselves honestly to God. 

God honors honesty.                    

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Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled with the blood of Christ to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess.

~Hebrews 10:22-23 New International Version

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Should Failure Determine Your Future?

It’s not a question of if there will be a major or minor failure in our life. During the Christmas holidays a fifth-grade boy was involved in an accident that almost took his life. When it was time to resume his fifth-grade schoolwork, he found it difficult to do.

For the rest of that school year and the following year there was little interest in schoolwork, which meant failure to pass the fifth grade. Excuses ranged from his feeling tired to school being boring. That he would fail and be left behind was obvious until his father was finally notified.

The reason for his inability to focus was traumatically coming close to being killed. Lack of interest in schoolwork was a cover for depression. Looking for the actual cause of his failure to focus was an important step in healing from the trauma caused by the accident. 

Asking God for guidance, insight, and understanding is a first step toward healing and recovery.

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Carry one another’s burdens and in this way you will fulfill the requirements of the law of Christ, [that is, the law of Christian love].  

~Galatians 6:2 Amplified Bible

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How Does Being Accountable Reflect Maturity?

There is a reason that unhealthy choices culminate in someone’s becoming a victim of a fractured relationship. Being perplexed when a relationship fails is acceptable but placing the blame entirely on others only delays what’s inescapable.

What this does is delay accountability that must be faced. The more inclined a person is to make excuses for failure, the greater the probability for repeating bad choices. The pathway to healing must be by way of true sorrow and accountability.

An attitude that reflects accountability for bad choices says, “I am to blame, and I will make amends instead of making excuses and blaming others.” Being accountable is the pathway to integrity and relationships that are healthy. So it’s okay to ask, “What did I do to cause this suffering and pain?” If this is an honest question, God will make answers available that will change your life. 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart!                  

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Since this is the kind of life we have chosen, the life of the Spirit, let us make sure we do not just hold it as an idea in our heads or a sentiment in our hearts, but work out its implications in every detail of our lives. That means we will not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were  better and another worse.

~Galatians 5:25-26 The Message

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Do Childish and Immature Behaviors Fracture Relationships?

We as children learn to make excuses for bad choices and behavior to avoid punishment even while realizing punishment is deserved and justified. Excuses are an attempt to escape the guilt and shame that reminds us personal values have been violated.

The Apostle Paul stepped outside of excuse-making by declaring, “When I was a child I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.” Paul was taking responsibility for past immature choices.

Childish and immature behaviors are responsible for fractured and broken relationships. 

Turning away from childish behaviors is difficult, but with God’s help, it is possible. Ask yourself, “What is the mature, godly thing to do now?” Ask God for insight, courage, and the resolve to heal your relationship. Examine yourself and if you are serious, God will respond.                    

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For God will bring every deed into judgement, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil.

~Ecclesiastes 12:14 New International Version

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How Do An Apology and Confession Affect Reconciliation?

Spiritually, reconciliation means to be made right with God. It’s not what we do but what Jesus did on the cross that makes it certain. In relationships reconciliation means to be made right with each other – to end hostilities and agree to live in peace.

Broken and fractured relationships need reconciliation, but first a desire for reconciliation must exist in those who created the emotional and physical suffering. That means that some anxiety about the future will have to coexist with hope for a new beginning.

Past behaviors must be forgiven to prevent sabotaging possibilities for repairing the relationship. Taking responsibility for immature behaviors is an essential part of confession and apologizing, and it makes reconciliation promising. 

God helps you clean the slate, as he washed you clean through forgiveness. This is required for possibly restoring a fractured and broken relationship.                  

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Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

~Galatians 6:7-9 New International Version

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What Helps a Marriage Move from Conflict to Resolution?

What couple would commit to a marriage believing divorce was definitely in their future? Instead, couples take this covenant step with confidence their marriage will last a lifetime. The majority of divorces reflect a fractured relationship that could have been saved.

It has been noted that as soon as the honeymoon is over, real differences in personalities and expectations will surface. Yet most couples compromise and accept each other’s imperfections.  Their love and commitment to each other give birth to a lasting bond.

What helps couples move from conflict to resolution is realizing that happiness includes sacrifice by each individual. 

To love your husband or wife as Christ loved the church is an awesome responsibility and privilege. Christ Jesus provides strength and the will to endure, but that must include an attitude that promises to never give up. So give thanks to Christ, and then continuously act out your thanksgiving.                   

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God will bless you if you don’t give up when your faith is being tested. He will reward you with a glorious life, just as he rewards everyone that loves him.

~James 1:12 Contemporary English Version

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Is It Possible to Purge Oneself of Hatred?

It’s within human nature to hate what causes suffering and pain. Hatred is powerful because of the social and spiritual stigma it fosters. Hatred does more damage to the one harboring it than to those to whom it is directed.

This truth, unfortunately, does little to convince the one nursing hatred to let it go and permit God to do his work. Hatred can cause a marriage to fail and drive a wedge between parents and children during and after divorce proceedings. Parents often use children to punish the ex-spouse.

Fractured and broken parents should never use their children as conveyers of punishment. 1 John 2:11 tells us if we permit hatred to take possession of us, we live in darkness, which implies the blessings of God will be absent from us, for God is light. In God there can be no darkness. 

Hatred conveys darkness and destruction, but forgiveness imparts healing and the blessing of God’s presence.                            

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Stop being bitter and angry and mad at others. Don’t yell at one another or curse each other or ever be rude. Instead, be kind and merciful, and forgive others, just as God forgave you because of Christ Jesus.

~Ephesians 4:31-32 Contemporary English Version

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