What Makes Self-care Seem So Difficult?

Human nature dictates we care for others and especially that we care for ourselves as long as we can do so. Taking care of yourself during grief and sorrow or following a traumatic event is difficult because the tendency to be narrowly focused shapes your behavior.

During very stressful moments the impulse to make important life decisions should be avoided since a significant change adds to stress levels by creating more anxiety and fear. Some changes are unavoidable, so consulting with trusted friends and family can be reassuring.

Taking ownership for self-care is important. Being accountable may involve asking for help, especially when feeling overwhelmed by too many choices and decisions. Never hesitate to seek the comfort and fellowship of the Lord God even if you blame him for what you are experiencing. God loves you with an unfailing love that will not fade or be diminished by your grief and sorrow. 

                           

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How great is God’s love for all who worship him? Greater than the distance between heaven and earth! How far has the Lord taken our sins from us? Farther than the distance from east to west! ... With all my heart I praise the Lord. 

~Psalm 103:11-12, 22b Contemporary English Version 

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How Does Seeking Forgiveness Promote Self-care?

Self-care is a normal but often a neglected task in life. Self-neglect or self-abuse often begins in adolescence through sleep deprivation and numerous experimentations including self-harm. Habits formed during these years may become permanent.

David, king of Israel and man of faith, pleaded with God to forgive him for the sins of his youth. For David, pursuing forgiveness was crucial to self-care. Courage is required when seeking forgiveness because it demands being honest and vulnerable.

Offering forgiveness to a person who has wounded your heart and pride demonstrates ownership and self-care. Otherwise your heart will become corrupt with resentment, even hatred, which has the power to damage your mind, body, and spirit. God’s word reminds us if we forgive others we are in a position to receive God’s healing forgiveness, which is the ultimate in self-care.                        

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You must be merciful, as your Heavenly Father is merciful. Don’t judge other people and you will not be judged yourself. Don’t condemn [others] and you will not be condemned. Forgive others and you will be forgiven.  

~Luke 6:37 Phillips – New Testament in Modern English 

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How Do We Demonstrate Self-care?

Becoming older cannot be avoided. When the first signs of losing the elegance of youth are noticed, an all-out effort may be set in motion to camouflage that reality. When her daughter entered adolescence, her mother began copying her daughter’s choice for clothes.

Negotiating mid-life begins in the mid-to-late thirties and can cause grief, as the reality of losing young adulthood cannot be denied. Trying to avoid this transition is similar to denying the sorrow of a significant loss.

Taking ownership of aging is being accountable for taking care of yourself in a new way. Self-care involves paying attention to your body and mind. Aging has the potential for creating anxiety, but this is not God’s intention. 

When you put your hope and trust in God’s care for you, hope springs eternal as an anchor to hold you firm while allocating to you courage to face the changes life presents. May God bless you.

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You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body. You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculped from nothing into something. Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you. The days of my life all prepared before I’d even lived one day. 

~Psalm 139:15-16 The Message 

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How Does Being Accountable for Grief Aid in Healing?

Collin Parks, noted British psychiatrist and author, said grief is the price we pay for loving and being loved. This is fundamental to bonding so relationships can last a lifetime. If bonding is severed, we emotionally go through deep sorrow and grief.

When I was a child, one of our cows gave birth to a calf which I claimed for my own. It became so tame and gentle it would follow me when I was at the barn or out in the pasture. One morning my dad told me the calf had died from pneumonia. 

Throughout life, we experience a series of losses. Coming to grips with the reality of grief means it’s imperative to assume ownership of the sorrow that’s left in its wake. Healing begins by being accountable to the grief, which means permitting God to touch your heart with his presence until healing and a return to normal life have taken place. 

Jesus will be with you as you make this journey.

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The Lord is close to those whose hearts are breaking; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. A good person may have many troubles, but the Lord comes to the rescue each time. 

~Psalm 34:18-19 The Living Bible/New International Version 

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What Is Involved in Healing from Grief?

Unresolved grief related to the loss of a special relationship can be a precursor to depression and other emotional issues. Significant grief is like a dark cloud hanging over your life. Technically, grief is an emotional and physical response to a specific loss.

Grief is composed of several stages including denial, depression, anger, bargaining, and finally acceptance. Deep sorrow generated by grief sometimes creates the need for emotional isolation that’s necessary for healing to occur.

Healing is dependent on taking ownership of grief, which means being available to experience each stage as it occurs.

Blaming God and others is a form of denial. Assuming ownership for grief creates a place for God to extend his strength and comfort to you. Faithfulness to God’s presence clears the way for hope and healing to occur.

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When someone becomes a Christian, he or she becomes a brand-new person inside. [This person] is not the same anymore. A new life has begun!  

~2 Corinthians 5:17 The Living Bible 

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What Is a First Step for Making Character Correction?

A proverb of old states, “Confession is good for the soul.” A contemporary equal could be, “Owning up to embarrassing failures and missteps demonstrates strong character.” It is difficult to prevent lapses in character from contributing to failures.

I missed role call only once when I was in the Air Force. My unit Sergeant came to my barracks to make an inquiry. It was obvious I’d overslept, so I spent the next two week-ends painting offices. I made sure my character would never allow me to oversleep again.

Professing ownership, like confessing, is good for the soul, in that each provides freedom from guilt and cover-ups. Acknowledging ownership is a first step toward making corrections for a lapse in character.

Accountability demonstrates faithfulness for facing future temptations. Proverbs 16: 6 assures us, “Through love and faithfulness, sin is atoned for.” You can trust in God’s promises.        

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When you are guilty, you must confess the sin. 

~Leviticus 5:5 Good News Bible  

Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy. 

~Proverbs 28:13 New International Version  

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What Command Fulfills God's Word?

Claiming ownership for life’s issues includes assuming responsibility, which demonstrates maturity. Acknowledging ownership signals your ability to accept feelings and values that determine behaviors; these will strengthen or weaken your relationships.

The acknowledgement of others that you are taking responsibility in the face of life’s critical interpersonal challenges is motivation to press onward to tackle God’s plan for yourself. Accountability implies accepting responsibility for what God calls you to be to other people. 

So rejoice in being a source for happiness to others and contributing to their peace of mind. Taking responsibility to care for others overrides the impulse to care only for yourself. Accountability allows the peace and power of Jesus Christ to rule in your heart.

Galatians 5:14 acknowledges “the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this command: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” This is God’s way.    

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A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all others will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another. 

~John 13:34-35 New International Version 

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