How Can Christians Overcome the Desire for Revenge?

The desire for revenge is so powerful it can devastate the one desiring it as well as the one to whom it is directed. Reinforcing this mindset are hurt feelings that evolve into anger, which then transform into hatred. Is it possible for this mindset to be present in those who profess to be Christian?

The desire for revenge is connected to internalized grief and sorrow as well as an impaired need to regain what has been lost. Someone caught in this trap believes revenge is justifiable. When possessed by this dire need for revenge, no alternative seems to be acceptable.

This happened to Cain, who murdered his brother. Being obsessed with revenge kills tolerance and compassion for others. Leviticus 19:18 gives God’s position on revenge. “Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge, but love others as yourself, for I am the Lord God.” Ask God to bless those you hate.   

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When trials come, endure them patiently; steadfastly maintain the habit of prayer… And for those who try to make your life a misery, bless them. Don’t curse, bless.

~Romans 12:12,14 Phillips – The New Testament in Modern English 

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How Can Prayer for Someone Replace Revenge?

Cutting-edge revenge is a primary reason for our alienation from others. When the desire for revenge has been acted on, feelings of fear and guilt may soon override the attempt to justify what was done in hatred and bitterness. Cain could not have imagined the torment he would suffer for murdering his brother.

Listen as he cries out to God, “My punishment is unbearable. You have driven me from my home, and I will be hidden from your presence forever.” Cain’s grief is not linked to murdering Able, but to the consequences he now has to endure. Cain’s attitude of anger and hatred had made his gift to God unacceptable.

Fear and regret replace any joy a person may have experienced from getting revenge. God’s character will not allow him to bless someone obsessed with getting revenge, yet God’s word instructs believers to pray sincerely for those who cause your suffering and pain. Pray that God will be merciful to them – that prayer will be the source of your healing.  

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“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your friends, hate your enemies.’ But now I tell you: love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may become the children of your Father in heaven.

~Matthew 5:43-45 Good News Bible 

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Can God Help You Do the Right Thing?

The percentage of those who commit murder in the population is relatively small, but they get a large portion of news coverage. Suicide bombers commit murder even though they may be classified as martyrs by radical groups. Yet God’s word clearly states, “You shall not murder.” There are motives for murder, but none is acceptable to God.

Cain, the son of Adam and Eve committed the first murder. He murdered his brother Abel while in a state of rage and jealousy. He hated his younger brother because he believed Able was favored by God, while he felt rejected. Resentment evolved into hatred and eclipsed the love he may have felt for his brother.

Abel became Cain’s enemy, which paved the way for hatred and the need for revenge and then turned Cain into a murderer. Cain had refused to listen to God’s previous, simple instructions, “If you do what is right, you will be acceptable.” Hatred is powerful, but God will give you the courage and strength to defeat it.  

      

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From the beginning we have heard that we should love one another. Don’t be like Cain. He belonged to the evil one. He murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because the things Cain had done were wrong. But the things his brother had done were right … We know that we have left our old dead way of life. And we have entered into new life. We know this because we love one another.       

~1 John 3:11-12,14 New International Reader’s Version 

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How Can We Manage Hurt Feelings, Jealousy, and Anger?

It’s normal to feel sympathy for someone in trouble. “Except for God’s grace, that could be me.” So we might feel sorry for Cain, who lured his brother into a field to murder him. Premeditated murder like this was motivated by a brother's feeling that he could not measure up to his younger sibling’s achievements.

Abel brought the best part of what he had, without hesitation, as an offering to God. Genesis 4:3 tells us Cain brought some fruit of the soil as an offering. So what was the problem with his offering? Perhaps it was like an afterthought, given without genuine or sincere commitment or love for God.

Somewhere along the journey of life, rejection or disfavor is sure to be experienced. Cain’s choice was choosing jealousy rather than questioning his own behavior and then changing his attitude. He could have apologized to God for his disturbed attitude concerning his offering, but he refused. God offers forgiveness to those who sincerely seek it.  

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Seek God while he’s here to be found, pray to him while he’s close at hand. Let the wicked abandon their way of life and the evil their way of thinking. Let them come back to God, who is merciful, come back to our God, who is lavish with forgiveness.

~Isaiah 55:6-7 The Message

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What Makes Offerings Acceptable to God?

Seeking revenge can become such an obsession that it evolves into a force that overshadows everything, including your relationship with the Lord God. Cain, the son of Adam and Eve, allowed anger, jealousy, and hurt feelings to possess him because his offering to God was rejected while his  brother’s gift was accepted.

Why was Cain’s offering unacceptable? If Cain’s values made him capable of murder, then he and his offering would be unacceptable until Cain was redeemed by God himself. Proverbs 20:17 confirms, “The sacrifice of the wicked is detestable no matter how perfect that offering appears visually.”

God looks at a person’s motivation, so if Cain’s offering was given grudgingly, then he did not have the right attitude for presenting his offering to God. 2 Corinthians 9:7 describes the correct motivation: “You should each give as you have decided, not with regret or out of a sense of duty, for God loves the one who gives gladly.”       

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Let us, then, always offer praise to God as our sacrifice through Jesus, which is the offering presented by lips that confess him as Lord. Do not forget to do good and to help one another, because these are the sacrifices that please God.

~Hebrews 13:15-16 Good News Bible 

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What's the Danger of Seeking Revenge?

What motivates a person to seek revenge? Betrayal has many faces and cuts deep into the heart and soul of the betrayed and of most betrayers. Throughout history, accounts of betrayal abound. Genesis 4 gives an account of Cain, the son of Adam and Eve, who murdered his brother Abel out of jealously and never repented for doing so.

Cain was hurt from being rejected by God and feeling he could not measure up to his brother. He permitted rejection and anger to evolve into bitterness and rage, where revenge seemed to be his only choice. Murder is an extreme response, but when blinded by jealousy and rage, revenge is taken to the extreme.

Most everyone will come up against the cutting edge of revenge, but seeking it cuts you deeper than the wounds you inflict on others. Psalm 56:6 points out the danger of seeking revenge, for you become its victim. The better way is to give the natural consequences and God time to act on your behalf.  

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My enemies make trouble for me all day long; they are always thinking up some way to hurt me! They gather in hiding places, and watch everything I do, hoping to kill me. The day I call to you, my enemies will be turned back. I know this: God is on my side – the Lord, whose promises I praise. In him I trust, and I will not be afraid.

~Psalm 56:5-6,9-11 Good News Bible

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What Are the Most Common Means for Seeking Revenge?

 Have you ever been the recipient of someone’s revenge? While revenge may be too strong a word, everyone has been the target of anger. There are several ways to seek revenge other than aggressively inflicting  physical harm because that would be out of character for you.

Withholding affection and refusing to communicate are passive-aggressive means of getting even. While your spiritual and moral values prohibit you from being unfaithful in return, the pain you feel at the moment drives the need for retaliation rather than forgiveness.

So now this withdrawal of fellowship, affection, and communication is the most common reaction. It’s also a way to punish the perpetrator of your pain and sorrow, from which total recovery may seem impossible at the moment. Yet God’s word offers help: “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” This is a difficult, but necessary, first step toward forgiveness and hopefully reconciliation.  

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“Be merciful just as your Father is merciful. Do not judge others, and God will not judge you; do not condemn others, and God will not condemn you; forgive others, and God will forgive you.”  

~Luke 6:36-37 Good News Bible

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What Does Your Mood Reveal?

 In most cases your mood is obvious to others, but what creates a mood can be difficult to explain. A depressed or angry mood can arise from a multiplicity of factors, ranging from feeling threatened to feelings of grief. Your tone of voice indicates if you’re having fun or whether you need either closeness or distance.

A person’s mood actually has an effect on the ability to worship, to pray, or on what you gained from reading God’s word. Your mood affects your state of mind and your conduct. It also indicates if you have an optimistic or pessimistic predisposition, a positive or negative outlook on life.

Faith in Jesus Christ gives you hope for today and for all eternity. Listen to Paul’s confidence: “I know whom I have believed. I’m certain he will guard what I have entrusted to him.” He further advocates, “For me to live is Christ but to die, … well, that’s better yet." In spite of all the troubles Paul experienced, his optimistic attitude is obvious. 

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I would have despaired had I not believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for and confidently expect the Lord; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for and confidently expect the Lord.  

~Psalm 27:13-14 Amplified Bible

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What Do Bad Moods Convey?

A bad mood is difficult to hide because it’s reflected in our disposition and tone of voice. The message is, “Stay away, do not come close, and ask nothing from me.” When a bad mood lingers for days, this is indicative of a physiological or emotional issue that cannot find resolution.

A bad mood conveys something special about yourself, so how can you appropriately respond? Be open about your bad mood, and while making every effort for self-control to refrain from overacting, ask others to be patient with you. By taking this position, you’re trying to convey what you’re experiencing.

Pray that God will provide strength for you to endure your mood swing and that you will be able to express your feelings without alienating others. This prevents you from being caught in the trap of irritation created by your bad mood. The Holy Spirit is the giver of patience and self-control, so lift up your voice and ask for mercy that God loves to provide for you.  

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Hear my cry, O Lord; listen to my cry for help! If you kept a record of our sins, who could escape being condemned? But you forgive us, so that we should stand in awe of you. I wait eagerly for the Lord’s help, and in his word I trust.

~Psalm 130:2-5 Good News Bible

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How Can God's Love Transform Your Mood?

 Your mood is an important indicator of what’s happening at any given moment, including your emotional disposition, your mindset, and your thought patterns. Your outlook on life, whether positive or negative, is an indicator both of your mood as well as of your attitude, which have an influence on how you choose to live your life.

Your mood is indictive of your state of mind. We know what it’s like to wake up in a grumpy, out-of-sorts mood. God evidently knew this would happen, so he commanded that we should never let the sun go down on unresolved conflict, especially a mindset involving anger.

Your mood can serve two functions. It can create distance or it can bring people closer together. A wonderful character trait of the Lord God is that he seeks you out to bring you close to himself regardless of your attitude or mood. Your mood is subject to change as you permit the transforming power and love of God to permeate your whole being. So seek the Lord your God while he may be found.  

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For to me, living means Christ, and dying means gain.

~Philippians 1:21 Williams – New Testament in the Language of the People

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How Can Expectations Comply with Reality?

We’re not perfect enough to be continuously happy. Knowing this should prevent unrealistic expectations from being placed on oneself and others. A woman in her mid-twenties related how she canceled her engagement to a man she had dated for three years. The man could not meet her expectations as a future husband.

It’s not uncommon for those stricken with romantic love to project perfection onto the object their affection. I’m not implying that romantic love should not be part of the equation. However, it is possible to overrule the reality of imperfections in order to embrace a desired relationship.

God is always faithful in revealing the true nature and character of another person, where there is an open mind to accept what is true and factual. God sees us as we really are and still loves us unconditionally, and so I offer my thanksgiving. Expectations based on reality make happiness a greater possibility. The faithfulness of God is our greatest source for joy and peace.  

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To the person who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge, and happiness.  

~Ecclesiastes 2:26 New International Version

 

I rely on your constant love; I will be glad, because you will rescue me. I will sing to you, O Lord, because you have been good to me.

~Psalm 13:5-6 Good News Bible

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How Do Expectations Affect Your Happiness?

There are those who say happiness is an illusion, a figment of the imagination, while others testify that happiness is possible, but not on a continuous basis. Happiness has a lot to do with expectations you have of yourself and others. If you were asked, “Who is the happiest person in your  family,” how would you answer?

When expectations fail to materialize, disappointment is normal. Unmet expectations create unhappiness, and if reality isn’t acknowledged, anger stemming from disappointment can evolve into depression which can distress the whole family. It’s important to realize depression is linked to grief.

By adjusting your expectations to comply with reality, you will be happier and so will those whom you love. Remember, God does not expect you to be flawless or sinless. That’s why he sent Jesus to be your Redeemer and Savior. As you accept this, God will give you more tolerance for others, resulting in you experiencing more joy and peace.  

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The next day, the news that Jesus was on the way to Jerusalem swept through the city, and a huge crowd of Passover visitors took palm branches and went down the road to meet him, shouting, “The Savior! God bless the King of Israel!”  

~John 12:12-13 The Living Bible

 

“When you go through deep waters and great troubles, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown! When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up – the flames will not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, your Savior, the Holy One of Israel.”

~Isaiah 43:2-3 The Living Bible

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