Can a Breach of Trust, Respect, and Loyalty Be Healed?

A parent-to-child relationship can be severely fractured by improper behavior displayed from the parent and absorbed by the child. What comes to mind is sexual misconduct directed toward a child. In fact, this shameful act is more prevalent than reported.

That breach of trust, respect, and loyalty creates an emotional crisis experienced by the child when the safe attachment between the parent and child has been betrayed. Being unable to report what has happened, a child becomes emotionally isolated by this powerful secret.

The isolation a child feels is compounded when the other parent refuses to believe or blames the child for the parent’s behavior. Can this damage be repaired? God’s word reminds us that where sincere remorse and repentance are expressed, healing is possible. Time must be allowed for grief to follow its stages. Jesus said, “Blessed are those who grieve, for they will be comforted." 

The Great Physician can heal you.        

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And may God, the source of patience and encouragement, enable you to have the same point of view among yourselves by following the example of Christ Jesus.

~Romans 15:5 Good News Bible

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What Is Required for Adapting to a New Phase of Life?

Life often requires being forced to experience a new phase in life, which includes being compelled to say goodbye to what has existed for a defined period of time. How well this is managed depends on maturity and reliance on the Lord Jesus Christ for guidance.

Giving up what must be left behind may mean sacrificing some of what is familiar and things that have special meaning. It may necessitate enduring restrictions that are necessary for your well-being. A new phase of life often requires developing new friendships and social activities.

Moving into a new phase of life may involve suffering and loss, but Jesus said, “Blessed are those who grieve, for they shall be comforted.” Abandoning old habits is often crucial for adapting to a new phase of life, but with God’s mercy, grace, and power, what appears impossible can be achieved. Permit the goodness of God to sustain you.

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For I am absolutely convinced that nothing – nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable – absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.

~Romans 8:38-39 The Message

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Can a Significant Loss Perpetuate Anger?

When anger is expressed to others, even if that anger is justified, it cuts deep into the emotional fabric of both the one who is the target of its fury and also the one expressing it. Anger may be  spontaneously aroused or slow and calculating, but either way, its objective is to make someone pay physically or emotionally. 

Depending on the severity of the offense and the pain and suffering experienced, anger may persist for only a moment or be prolonged indefinitely. With some individuals, once anger has been expressed, the intensity fades and peace resumes. With others, anger is so disturbing and emotionally draining that even time cannot force the feelings to subside.

Is it possible to be so angry with God over a significant loss, that healing appears out of the question? To counter the negative effects of anger, focus instead on the physical and emotional gifts you’ve received from God. Write them down, and praise him with thanksgiving for his gifts of kindness, including his miracle of forgiveness.

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How happy are those who know what sorrow means, for they will be given courage and comfort!

~Matthew 5:4 Phillips – New Testament in Modern English

 

You are blessed when you feel you’ve lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by [God,] the One most dear to you.

~Matthew 5:4 The Message

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Can Grief Be the Main Healing Agent for Every Loss?

The word grief is often associated with the death of a loved one, a divorce, or whatever is considered a personal loss. Betrayal of trust may inflict emotional wounds that seems beyond grief’s ability to heal. Trust involves the emotional fabric for bonding and holding together important relationships.

Elizabeth Kubler Ross describes the stages of grief experienced by each person who faces a significant loss. First on the list is shock and disbelief, even denying the loss has occurred. Depression and  sadness form a stage that can last indefinitely. Bargaining, blaming, and anger also play major roles. Finally, the reality of the loss can no longer be denied, so acceptance makes facing the future possible.

Getting stuck in a particular stage is unhealthy and not in keeping with God’s purpose. He intended for grief to be the means for healing. So open your heart to him and permit his grace and mercy to heal you.   

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He is the healer of the brokenhearted. He is the one who bandages their wounds.

~Psalm 147:3 God’s Word Translation

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What Are the Most Common Means for Seeking Revenge?

 Have you ever been the recipient of someone’s revenge? While revenge may be too strong a word, everyone has been the target of anger. There are several ways to seek revenge other than aggressively inflicting  physical harm because that would be out of character for you.

Withholding affection and refusing to communicate are passive-aggressive means of getting even. While your spiritual and moral values prohibit you from being unfaithful in return, the pain you feel at the moment drives the need for retaliation rather than forgiveness.

So now this withdrawal of fellowship, affection, and communication is the most common reaction. It’s also a way to punish the perpetrator of your pain and sorrow, from which total recovery may seem impossible at the moment. Yet God’s word offers help: “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” This is a difficult, but necessary, first step toward forgiveness and hopefully reconciliation.  

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“Be merciful just as your Father is merciful. Do not judge others, and God will not judge you; do not condemn others, and God will not condemn you; forgive others, and God will forgive you.”  

~Luke 6:36-37 Good News Bible

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Finding Comfort in Hope

It would be regrettable for a person to go through life and never experience grief and sadness because that person would never know what it means to be comforted. Jesus acknowledged, "Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted." Isaiah identified Jesus as "a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief."

Jesus experienced great sorrow as he faced what lay in store for him on the cross. Yet it is difficult for us to heal from grief when memories of great loss keep surfacing. Jeremiah endorsed this truth but confirmed that hope and comfort are also available.

Listen to Jeremiah's words. "When I remember my affliction and bitterness my soul is downcast. Yet, then I remember the Lord’s great love and I have hope because I am not crushed. His compassions never fail. They are new every morning. Great is His faithfulness." When memories of the past renew sorrow and grief in you, quickly recall the compassion God extends to you through Christ Jesus and rejoice.  

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Remember your promise to me, your servant; it has given me hope. Even in my suffering I was comforted, [Lord], because your promise gave me life.

~Psalm 119:49-50 Good News Bible

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Never Enough? Time to Refocus

God created humans with a unique desire to please those who are important to their well-being, like a husband or wife, because pleasing is a source of happiness. The struggle to please becomes stressful where hope is diminishing or doesn’t exist. When Leah’s first son was born, her hope was, "Surely my husband will love me now."

Leah's struggle for acceptance is also evident after her third son is born. Listen to her desperation. “Now at last my husband will become attached to me, even though he doesn’t love me, because I have given him three sons.” Her desire to please Jacob is sad because no matter how much she gives, he will not love her as he does Rachel.

 

In observing Jacob, Leah and Rachel, it’s apparent each is doing his or her best in a situation strained with tension and unhappiness. In the depths of unhappiness, Leah focused on the Lord God who gave her comfort and security. He will do the same for you when you seek him with all your heart, soul, strength and mind.