Sometimes "I'm Sorry" Is Not Enough

Making amends is never a frivolous matter. It involves more than simply saying, "I’m sorry." Sometimes parents force children to say those words knowing they’re not sincere. Making amends goes beyond seeking forgiveness or apologizing. Making amends takes steps to compensate for causing hurt and suffering whenever possible.  

          Jacob knew if he were to live in peace with his brother, he would have to make amends to appease Esau’s anger and hurt. Making amends attempts to restore a relationship to trust and respect. It's comparable to atoning for deliberate wrongs committed against someone because of anger, greed, jealousy, or fear.

          Jacob was desperate. He was willing to bow down in subjection to his brother. Jacob had stolen his brother’s position, wealth and power, so making a sacrifice worthy of Esau’s loss was the issue. When you consider the sacrifice that Jesus made for us so we could be in right standing with God, our sacrifices seem so insignificant in comparison.  

Toss That Old Baggage!

It's impossible to have conflict-free relationships. Individual differences are the root of problems which cannot be left behind upon entering a relationship. Old baggage remains a constant until we decide to deal with it. In this respect, conflict helps us reach our highest potential.

 

          When Jacob returned to his homeland, the problems he left behind were there to greet him. He was forced to make amends for the pain he inflicted on his brother. Making amends included giving gifts of his best livestock to Esau. It meant sacrificing his pride by making himself subordinate to Esau. 

          This was a genuine sacrifice for prideful Jacob, but he had only one chance to make restitution for the wrongs he had committed. He was obligated to pay back what he couldn't literally pay back, so he subjected himself to Esau's mercy and kindness. We’re in the same position with God. We can never repay Him for His kindness and mercy. However, you can offer Him a sacrifice of thanks and praise. 

Major Betrayal? Major Change Required

It's impossible to complete any stage of life without offending or hurting another person. I'm not referring to a minor transgression where an apology could make things right. I’m referring to a major betrayal that scars a person for life or perhaps wounds someone by deliberate actions intended to do harm.

          Making amends is a requirement for inner peace and peace with others. God put it in the heart and mind of Jacob to make amends to his brother for shameful acts of betrayal. To have inner peace and peace with God, he had to submit to sacrificing part of his identity. God changed his name to Israel, for he had struggled with God. 

            Can you imagine the impact that changing your given name would have in every area of your life? Making amends to his brother would demand significant sacrifices, for amends are impossible without sacrifice. What you receive from that sacrifice is God's pleasure and acceptance. It is a small price to pay for such a tremendous reward. 

A Bridge to Making Amends

The need to modify behavioral and thinking patterns is a necessity throughout each stage of life. St. Paul speaks for each of us: "When I was a child, I thought like a child, I talked like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became man, I put childish ways behind me." Childish immaturity is often responsible for creating pain and suffering as an adult.  

          Jacob was aware that if he were to be reconciled with his brother, he would have to make amends for suffering and pain he had caused Esau. Making amends would require enduring the consequences for these sinful acts of aggression committed against his brother. For Jacob this would mean committing his prideful attitude to God for redemption.

          Sacrificing pride to make amends is difficult but necessary. Jacob was willing to subject himself to humiliation and scorn so he could live life on a different level from his previous sixty years. One reward for making amends is that it pleases God and brings honor to him. 

Fear Is Here! Flee or Face It?

There are two possible responses to fear. The first impulse is fleeing to escape being seriously hurt or, even worse, meeting your demise. The other response is to face fear with determination to resolve whatever is responsible for the conflict. When death seems eminent, getting your house in order becomes a priority.

 

When Jacob knew he had to face Esau, he was fearful this would be his last day to live. In his heart he knew he had to make amends for the sins he had committed against his brother. He also knew that whatever he did to make amends could never compensate for the suffering and pain he had levied against Esau.

Making amends attempts to repair broken relationships by apologizing for careless or intentional behavior and expressing heartfelt regret for having done so. Amends include replacing what was destroyed whenever possible. Sincerity of heart and mind demonstrates faith that God will bless your efforts. Sincerity activates God’s help. Can you do it?

Miracle of Love Required

When Esau heard the news Jacob was coming home, can you imagine his response? For twenty years Esau had suppressed his anger and hatred of Jacob. In every relationship, we’re faced with either establishing a loving, caring fellowship that’s fulfilling and rewarding or nurturing anger and hatred that moves against a person or group.

          From Esau’s perspective, Jacob could be facing payday for his sinful betrayal of his brother. Normal sibling rivalry includes competition, but with restraints that keep aggression within acceptable limits. Academic grades and sports are examples of people moving against others in competition, but within those acceptable limits.   

          When hate and anger become the driving force that moves people against others, love that may have existed previously is pushed aside. For Esau to change his mind about his brother would take a miracle. But when God’s love substitutes for hatred in a person’s life, it becomes apparent a transformation has taken place. It can happen to you!

Melting Hearts of Stone

There’s a difference between short-term hate and hatred that has festered for years. Temporary hate often dissipates with situational change. We're aware of a child or adolescent expressing hatred of a friend or parent, then abruptly letting it go. Anyone is subject to hatred when situations are difficult. 

          Hate of in-laws or other relatives may develop into mutual hatred resulting in strife that’s perpetuated for years. A woman believed her in-laws could care less if she lived or died and consequently separated herself and her children from them for years. It’s apparent that hatred internalized has power to disrupt fellowship with others and the Lord God.

 

          While hatred may not negate your salvation, it can ruin the joy of your fellowship with God, for hatred cannot coexist with joy and peace. They’re incompatible. A house divided against itself cannot remain healthy. Yet God stands ready to melt hearts of stone created by hatred. You can submit your heart to him at this moment.

A Bridge to Healthy Thinking

Where hatred exists, evil is never in short supply. Socrates, the Greek philosopher, wrote that "no one can know good and commit evil acts against society. If a person knows the good, yet commits acts of evil, then that person mistook evil for good because of defects in knowledge." Timothy McVeigh mistook evil for good and killed 168 adults and children by bombing the Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City. 

  

I Think Therefore I Am: Renee Descartes

 McVeigh believed what he did was good. Hatred robbed him of the capacity to see our government as good and those people who worked in the federal building as loved by God. Cold, calculating hatred distorted his perception so completely that he saw evil as good.

           You can change your attitude by believing and trusting in God's Word. Build a bridge to healthy thinking by viewing others from God’s perspective. Seek fellowship with those who pursue change by God’s approved methods. Finally, commit yourself to being redeemed by God's grace and mercy.

Hate Consumes and Distorts

Everyone has hated something or someone. Timothy McVeigh symbolized how hatred can so consume a person that their moral character and values are diminished to the point of rejecting any sense of godly responsibility. Most people were relieved when McVeigh was executed for killing 168 people by bombing the Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City.

There wasn't much press about McVeigh’s mental condition because he so precisely acted on his passion to punish the government for all the injustices he believed were orchestrated against certain groups of citizens. The recipients of the hate that possessed him had no recourse but to be murdered innocently by his bomb. 

Hate distorts the values of those who allow it to permeate their lives. Hate starts with a thought that begins to saturate the body, mind and spirit like yeast. Satan is the epitome of hate and evil, so resist Satan and the impulse to hate. Active faith and trust in Christ Jesus diminish Satan’s power to control you.

A Volcano from Strife and Hatred

Strife and hatred conjoin to form a strong bond locked in aggravation and conflict. Hatred may not be expressed outwardly, but kept suppressed inside the mind, body and spirit. Hatred produces inward striving against one’s values and peace of mind until the pressures from living set off a behavioral eruption.

 

 Hatred may be so controlled that it’s expressed only to oneself in imagined conversations and actions. When hatred is expressed outwardly, it may be restricted to issues totally separate from what caused the hatred. Parents, children, finances, or any number of reasons from childhood onward may be the actual cause of the hatred.

           If you feel hatred at this moment, ask yourself, “What caused the hatred I feel?” It’s time to it let go by turning it over to the Lord Jesus Christ to redeem because hatred is destructive, and you cannot be the person God intended while striving against others and yourself. Repent and do whatever it takes to turn it over to God right now.

Get Rid of Hate

Both love and hate have been characterized as pleasurable. You may agree that love is pleasurable, but not hate. Hate may be pleasurable when imagined conversations give you dominance over others. Perhaps hate is pleasurable by giving the possessor power and control when faced with difficult situations. 

While hate may be pleasurable in an unhealthy sense, is it productive? When hate is directed toward others, it cannot be productive from God’s viewpoint. Keeping hatred suppressed may cause sleepless nights or acute anxiety because of its association with fear and guilt.

         

Get rid of hate by realizing hatred is undesirable. Decide to give it up by asking God to forgive you. Believe God’s word: “Vengeance is mine, I will repay says the Lord.” Accept God’s way as a better way to manage relationships. Seek professional help for letting go of anger and hatred so inner peace can be achieved. Determine to be a peacemaker so you can be blessed by God. 

Breaking News: Evil is a Choice

Each day TV news breaks stories of hatred being acted out, which questions the safety and stability of our world. Whether it's a bomb or a person with automatic weapons whose purpose is to kill, hate is a powerful force that affects each of us. When you feel hate, what is the purpose of your hatred?

 

Hate is a choice whose purpose is to get revenge, teach a lesson and cause pain and suffering. We learn this lesson from the evil of hatred as it possesses a person’s mindset and behavior. Once hatred takes possession, the ability to discriminate between hate and righteousness tends to disappear. 

   

          Booker T. Washington gives us this godly wisdom, “Let no person pull you so low as to make you hate them.” 1 John 2:9 issues this warning, “He who says he is in the light of God and hates others is still in darkness.” So, permit the saving power of Christ Jesus to cleanse the darkness and the evil of hatred completely from your life. He will do it.