Is All Secret-keeping Destructive?

Although it’s impossible to avoid adversity, we often try to keep it a secret. It’s not that a secret should be shared indiscriminately, for doing so could make you appear untrustworthy. When adversity is accepted as deserved and guilt results, then concealment may follow to avoid embarrassment.

There may be initial feelings of excitement about what has to be kept secret, making it appear attractive. Proverbs 9:17 speaks of this truth: “Stolen water is sweet; food eaten in secret is delicious.” The implications  suggest that deception and sin may appear sweet and beautiful, but a secret’s dark side can be evil and destructive.

Not all secrets produce undesirable consequences, however. Jesus teaches in Matthew 6:3 to give secretly to the needy, for God sees and will reward you. This applies to praying with the door closed, for God hears and will answer. These secrets bring peace, comfort, and God’s blessings.  

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For God will judge every deed, including every secret, whether good or evil.

~Ecclesiastes 12:14 International Standard Version

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Why Is It So Difficult to Love Others?

Each person eventually comes up against the cutting edge of adversity. I recently read these provoking words: “The problems of living are always centered on reconciling opposites.” Problems surface as a result of personality clashes or differences in experiences, values, or opinions.

Reinhold Niebuhr presents this truth: “The real problem…lies in the fact that we ought to love one another, but we do not.” Loving one another demands that we look deep into ourselves and to the Lord God to find solutions to problems each person can appreciate and accept.

Problems unaddressed are like a splinter broken off under the skin. The constant throbbing torments the body, mind, and spirit. Perhaps it’s time to ask the Lord Jesus Christ, “What do I need to address within myself that prevents me from loving others?” Jesus said, “A new commandment I give to you, ‘Love one another as much as I have loved you.’” Being closer to God requires submitting to Jesus’ command. 

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But it really is a new commandment, and you know its true meaning, just as Christ does. You can see the darkness fading away and the true light already shining. If we claim to be  in the light and hate someone, we are still in the dark. But if we love others, we are in the light, and we don’t cause problems for them.

~1 John 2:8-10 Contemporary English Version

 

The righteous call to the Lord, and he listens; he rescues them, from all their troubles. 

~Psalm 34:17 Good News Bible

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How Does God Empower You to Face Problems?

The daily routines of life are laced with problems that demand attention. Problems become discouraging when they’re perceived as  unmanageable. 1 Corinthians 10:13 promises help: “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. When you are tempted, he will provide a way to escape so you can endure it.”

When God empowers you with insight and wisdom, problems may now be perceived as manageable challenges rather than uncontrollable ones. 1John 5:4 gives us confidence to face adversity: “Faith is the victory that overcomes the world, for everyone born of God overcomes the world.” 

Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ empowers every believer with the knowledge and certainty that solutions to problems are available. Let the love of God at this moment fill you with certainty that you can overcome whatever problems you are facing. 

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Good people suffer many troubles, but the Lord saves them from them all.

~Psalm 34:19 Good News Bible

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Can Problems Be Prevented from Overtaking You?

It would be worthy of our time to monitor how much time is actually spent on problem-solving or confronting major issues that challenge our efforts to be successful. Problems surface periodically and catch us surprised and off-guard. Problems test our intelligence, our physical stamina, and our ability to cope emotionally. 

The first major factor affecting problem-solving has to do with our perception of the problem. If problems are seen as undeserved, then anger, frustration, and resentment can overwhelm rational choices and produce regrettable behavior. No one is exempt, so each person chooses how to respond.

Problems demand decisions, so we either overcome problems or they overcome us. Romans 12:21 gives this advice: “Do not be overcome by evil but overcome evil with good.” Whatever problems you may be facing at this moment, ask the Lord Jesus Christ for help and he will do it.

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Remember the Lord in everything you do, and he will show you the right way.

~Proverbs 3:6 Good News Bible

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Are There Solutions to Resentment?

The cutting edge of resentment is sharp and, amazingly, its edge is not dulled with expression or the passage of time. Acting on resentment does not diminish its presence, so the first step in ridding yourself of its existence is to be honest about how it came to govern your life. Everyone is capable of remembering what created the resentment.

The second step in discovering solutions to resentment is confiding in someone you trust to give nonbiased, straightforward feedback about the legitimacy of your resentment. While difficult to acknowledge and accept, Proverbs 27:6 gives this confirmation: “Wounds from a friend are better than kisses from an enemy.”

Ask yourself, “Can I serve God by holding on to this resentment?” Prepare yourself for the truth because resentment is corrosive to your spiritual wellbeing. Your objective now is to let go of the fear that initially produced it. 

Ask Christ Jesus to show you the truth and he will. Be ready to receive it.  

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Lead me in your truth and teach me because you are God, my savior. I wait all day long for you.

~Psalm 25:5 God’s Word Translation

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How Are the Objectives of Anger and Resentment Deceptive?

The objectives of anger and resentment can be deceptive. Aggressiveness associated with these emotions imply they’re anchored in bravery and courage, but in reality these emotions are anchored to a deep level of fear. 

We human beings tend to be fragile emotionally, especially when fear has motivated us.

Being alienated from family and friends is a tremendous loss. Anger and resentment generate boundaries by producing hostile behavior toward others. Resentment builds walls that are difficult to penetrate. Aggressive acts of anger and resentment are provoked by fear of physical and emotional loss.

There are situations where fear is appropriate, but when motivated by anger and resentment, most often the result is alienation and separation. When these emotions surface, ask God to give you insight about their origin. Jesus said, “You shall know the truth and the truth will set you free.” Jesus will help you know and accept the truth.  

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Don’t be misled – you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant. Those who live only to satisfy their own sinful nature will harvest decay and death from that sinful nature. But those who live to please the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.

~Galatians 6:7-8 New Living Translation

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How Does God's Love Heal Anger and Resentment?

Anger and resentment are effective tools for refusing to make personal and relationship changes. It’s analogous to defiantly refusing to consider another person’s views on sensitive issues. These powerful emotions serve as emotional blinders. We detect in others what we can’t accept about ourselves.

Without exception, everyone is capable of hurting others – if not deliberately, then unintentionally. Anger and resentment are expressed to make someone suffer for personally inflicting pain and suffering on us. We  punish others by emotional withdrawal or by physical aggressive acts.

Imagine the consequences you would experience if God refused to extend compassion and empathy to you? Yet... 

God extends his favor and unconditional love to us who do not deserve it. So reflect on God’s response to you, then be willing to extend compassion and empathy to others who do not deserve it. Happy Valentine’s Day!  

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Accept life, and be most patient and tolerant with one another, always ready to forgive if you have a difference with anyone. Forgive as freely as the Lord has forgiven you. And, above everything else, be truly loving, for love binds all the virtues together in perfection.

~Colossians 3:13-14 New Testament in Modern English – Phillips

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What Helps Us Face the Truth About Ourselves?

Facing the truth about ourselves is difficult, especially when it's laced with criticism. Our first response is usually anger and the second is denial because these indicate something is flawed in our character. It strains our tolerance to listen to angry words directed against our character and then face the truth the criticism infers.

Have you ever said “thank you” to someone for pointing out flaws in your character or behavior? A speaker at a seminar suggested responding to the one expressing anger and criticism with a simple question: What else is there about me that you find objectionable?

Jesus drove the money changers out of the temple because they had made God’s place of prayer into a den of thieves. Thirty-seven years later that temple was dismantled and burned by the Roman army. History could have been written differently if the authorities had reacted positively to Jesus’ criticism and made the required changes.  

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If you listen to constructive criticism, you will be at home among the wise. If you reject discipline, you only harm yourself; but if you listen to correction, you grow in understanding. Fear of the Lord teaches wisdom; humility precedes honor.

~Proverbs 15:31-33 New Living Translation 

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What Helps Us Stop Reacting with Anger?

While it may be initially impossible to prevent anger from surfacing, it is possible to refrain from expressing it in words and behaviors. Submitting to anger implies a loss of control when self-control is desperately needed. Anger limits our reasoning ability that is designed to prevent us from submitting to bad choices.

Submitting is a natural reaction. We submit to hunger, to rules for remaining employed, to biblical guidelines securing our relationships with the Lord God and society. You are not required to submit to anger, as anger creates hostility in others which can be to your detriment.

Empathy is by far the most difficult response to exhibit toward someone who is expressing anger. Empathy coupled with understanding will override the impulse to react with anger. Empathy helps you see things from God’s perspective. Ask yourself, “How does God view this situation and how is he now reacting?  

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But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger and abundant in mercy and truth.  

~Psalm 86:15 New American Standard Bible

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What Are the Long-term Effects of Submitting to Anger?

Submitting to anger can generate damaging consequences for the one possessing it as well as the one to whom it is directed. I recently witnessed a man intent on changing lanes in heavy freeway traffic. The driver next to him refused to yield, resulting in the impatient one yelling obscenities punctuated by threatening gestures. 

Why submit to anger, which in this case instantly evolved into rage? Would the images imprinted in these people’s minds and emotions remain there indefinitely? Adrenaline that flooded the bloodstream of both drivers would make it impossible to forget the madness of what occurred.

What other options were available? 

Simply exhibiting patience gives compassion, even empathy, a chance to subdue frustration and anger. Patience creates empathy, which in turn prevents anger and rage from gaining control. Remember, patience is a gift of the Holy Spirit that God provides to those who earnestly seek it. 

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Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.  

~Ephesians 4:2-3 New Living Translation

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Does Compassion Equate to Kindness?

The subject of compassion is not openly discussed very often. When compared to expressions of anger or hatred, there’s no contest. Can you remember the last time you heard someone express compassion toward a person who hurt or betrayed them? Yet resentment or anger is easily detected after a betrayal because the pain is evident.

Compassion is alert to the weakness in those who inflict pain, but recognizing it does not mean overlooking or failing to address it. Compassion does not disregard or ignore the need for establishing boundaries within yourself on how much abuse is acceptable. Without those boundaries, resentment will soon replace compassion.

Compassion is a strength that prevents the Lord God from granting every wish and desire that you voice to him. His compassion and mercy give you grace and courage to face whatever is inappropriate for you. God’s compassion equates to his love, kindness, and forgiveness so be compassionate to others.  

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The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abundant in compassion and lovingkindness.

~Psalm 103:8 The Amplified Bible

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Can Compassion Rise Above Resentment?

As surely as resentment has a negative cutting edge that wounds the heart and spirit, compassion has godly attributes capable of healing those wounds. Although it’s difficult to be vulnerable to the degree that compassion demands, it is possible, even toward those filled with hatred.

Compassion is similar to sympathy and empathy. Sympathy understands and shares feelings of sorrow and pain. Empathy is willing to put yourself emotionally in someone’s place who is experiencing that sorrow and pain. An American Indian proverb describes empathy as being able to walk in another person’s moccasins until you know what it’s like to be in their situation.

Compassion acknowledges that you have hurt others, whether intentionally or not. Compassion has the potential to be instrumental in helping others as well as helping yourself to heal. The Bible tells us God is full of mercy and compassion, and his compassion never fails, for it is new every morning.    

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Jesus the Son of God is our great High Priest who has gone to heaven itself to help us; therefore let us never stop trusting him. This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, since he had the same temptations we do, though he never once gave way to them and sinned. So let us come boldly to the very throne of God and stay there to receive his mercy and to find grace to help us in our times of need.  

~Hebrews 4:14-16 The Living Bible

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