Is It More Important to Be Nice or Be Honest?

While most people try to be nice or give the appearance of being nice, others deliberately do their best to be disagreeable, unpleasant, and unkind. These individuals might say they're just being honest about how they feel and had rather be truthful than dishonest.

I realize sharing feelings and thoughts requires trusting others to care enough to be empathetic rather than immediately start giving advice and solutions. Some folks believe it’s more important to conceal the truth about how they honestly feel and what they think.

It’s important to remember that almost everyone will send clues when emotional overload takes place even though they are desperately trying to take in everything that’s being conveyed. Realizing the truth, acknowledging and accepting the truth is indeed freeing. As Jesus promised, “You will know the truth and the truth will set you free.” Have you expressed sincere thanksgiving to God for this blessing?

________ 

But now you must be holy in everything you do, just as God who chose you is holy. For the Scriptures say, “You must be holy, for I am holy.”

~1 Peter 1:15-16 New Living Translation

________

Subscribe to the Attitudes Answers podcast on your favorite podcast platform to hear this and other 2-minute features 3 days every week. 

What Is It in Human Nature that Compels Us to Lie?

Children will refrain from telling the truth when punishment is imminent for noncompliance to boundaries. With some children the impulse to lie evolves into a circle of deception, confrontation, and punishment. Children distort the truth to obstruct fear and shame.

When lying has evolved into a vicious circle, it has become so ingrained that little thought is given to telling the truth, for it feels normal to lie. That sounds impossible to believe, for it’s so difficult to understand the power of entrapment that's involved in a vicious circle of lying.

Colossians 3:5 instructs: “You must put to death earthly desires such as sexual immorality, indecency, lust, evil passions and greed.” Verse 9 continues: “Do not lie to each other since you have taken off your old habits and have put on your new self that is being renewed in God its creator.” 

Christ in you is your hope for self-control. You can do this!                

_________ 

The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in those who tell the truth.

~Proverbs 12:22 New Living Translation

_________

Subscribe to the Attitudes Answers podcast on your favorite podcast platform to hear this and other 2-minute features 3 days every week.

How Does Jealousy Blind Us from Seeing the Truth?

Troubles come in varying degrees of intensity and duration to test each person’s determination, not only to stand against it but to successfully use it for good. When King Saul perceived David as a rival, jealousy became so intense, all sanity escaped his conscious mind.

Jealousy can be helpful by creating an urgency to communicate and understand what has created such intense conflict to threaten the security of a relationship. Destructive fits of rage may be levied against perceived enemies, real or imagined.

Jealousy has the potential of blinding a person to the truth. When jealousy surfaces, seek help from a trusted friend or counselor. Be willing to accept the truth. Jesus said, “You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.” Ask yourself: “What is God wanting me to accept about myself at this moment so he can bless me and I can bless others?” Do that now. 

 

_________

I long for your deliverance; I have looked to your word, placing my hope in it.

~Psalm 119: 81 International Standard Version

 

The one who loves us gives us an overwhelming victory through all these difficulties.

~Romans 8:37 God’s Word Translation

_________

Subscribe to the Attitudes Answers podcast on your favorite podcast platform to hear this and other 2-minute features 3 days every week.

What Makes a Lie Believable?

Domestic violence exists because those who perpetrate it are convinced there is no other way to maintained their power. Alexander Solzhenitsyn said, “Violence does not exist by itself; it is invariably intertwined with a lie.” That lie is based on what the perpetrator believes to be true.

Stress and anxiety are created by what a person thinks and believes, regardless of the facts. Self-deception is a lie, so violence is dependent on distorted views that destroy relationships. Failure in communication can be responsible for faulty beliefs about a situation, oneself, and others.

The religious leaders of Jesus’ day believed they would lose their power if Jesus continued to live. So their solution was to kill him. One generation later, Israel was destroyed as a consequence of faulty beliefs. 

How do you find out the truth? Humble yourself before God in prayer and he will show you the truth.  

___________ 

“And I tell you this, that you must give account on Judgement Day for every idol word you speak. Your words now reflect your fate then: either you will be justified by them or you will be condemned.”

~Matthew 12:36-37 The Living Bible

___________

Subscribe to the Attitudes Answers podcast on your favorite podcast platform to hear this and other 2-minute features 3 days every week.

How Are the Objectives of Anger and Resentment Deceptive?

The objectives of anger and resentment can be deceptive. Aggressiveness associated with these emotions imply they’re anchored in bravery and courage, but in reality these emotions are anchored to a deep level of fear. 

We human beings tend to be fragile emotionally, especially when fear has motivated us.

Being alienated from family and friends is a tremendous loss. Anger and resentment generate boundaries by producing hostile behavior toward others. Resentment builds walls that are difficult to penetrate. Aggressive acts of anger and resentment are provoked by fear of physical and emotional loss.

There are situations where fear is appropriate, but when motivated by anger and resentment, most often the result is alienation and separation. When these emotions surface, ask God to give you insight about their origin. Jesus said, “You shall know the truth and the truth will set you free.” Jesus will help you know and accept the truth.  

____________ 

Don’t be misled – you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant. Those who live only to satisfy their own sinful nature will harvest decay and death from that sinful nature. But those who live to please the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.

~Galatians 6:7-8 New Living Translation

___________

Subscribe to the Attitudes Answers podcast on your favorite podcast platform to hear this and other 2-minute features 3 days every week. 

An Open Door to Communication

Lack of constructive communication is the leading cause of conflict in relationships. What this implies is that inappropriate, ineffective, or disjointed communication provokes conflict. A primary level of communication gives instructions, teaches, and directs questions. This level of communication is helpful for all relationships.

Conflict is provoked by incompatibilities resulting in emotional and communication break-down. Efforts to communicate can be postponed until emotions are back to normal or else alienation may follow suit. Effective communication requires understanding issues as well as each person’s growing needs.

Getting to know another person opens the door for communications. Jesus devoted time to talking  to his disciples. He listened intently so he could know them and help them express their thoughts and feelings. This model also helps manage and resolve conflicts. Jesus said, “You shall know the truth and the truth will set you free.”  

__________________ 

If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.

~1 Corinthians 13:1 The Message

__________________

Subscribe to the Attitudes Answers podcast on your favorite podcast platform to hear this and other 2-minute features 3 days every week. 

Face Truth – Free Yourself

Everyone is guilty of hiding from the truth, especially if it's painful to face. Truth calls for accountability although it may be difficult to accept. Jesus told Pilate, his examiner, “I came into the world to testify to the truth.” Pilate responded by asking Jesus, "What is truth?"

Pilate didn’t give Jesus a chance to answer because Jesus' answer would have required Pilate to face himself and a difficult situation. Truth lights up the darkest of days because truth eventually points the way to a brighter future, even if the immediate situation creates fear and a sense of dread.

Hiding the truth is a first line of defense when truth is humiliating, embarrassing and unacceptable. When we acknowledge to Christ Jesus the most painful truth imaginable, we then are freed from the burden of hiding or ignoring it. Jesus knows the truth for he is the way, the truth and the life, and it is the truth that will set you free. 

_______________________

Jesus said: “When...the Spirit of truth, the Holy Spirit, comes, he will guide you into everything that is true. For he will not be speaking of his own accord but exactly as he hears, and he will inform you about what is to come.

~John 16:13-14 Phillips – New Testament in Modern English

The Tragedy of Self-Deception

What lies at the core of self-deception? Usually it includes a desire for something that is unacceptable. Self-deception is comparable to experimenting with drugs and convincing oneself that getting hooked will not happen. Conventional wisdom declares, "If you play with fire, you’ll get burned." Self-deception's reply is, “Not me! I'm too smart."

 

Self-deception refuses to accept reality. A man or a woman agrees to an affair by being convinced it can be hidden and kept secret. A worse rationale is, "I’ll be able to handle it by extinguishing the fire if I get caught and convince others it didn’t mean anything." Some believe guilt and shame will be powerless and of no consequence.

The tragedy of self-deception is, it shuts down a part of you that is necessary to happiness and peace. It suffocates the potential for healthy relationship by closing down trust and truthfulness. Self-deception refuses to believe that God has a better plan, which is openness and honesty. Ask God to help you and he will. 

 

Today Is the Day!

CONCEALMENT is akin to hoarding, and then refusing to reveal what you’ve got for fear the consequences could be painful. Cover-ups in relationships are dangerous because they’re a deterrent for building intimacy. By its very nature, concealment reeks with distrust in addition to controlling what others may have the right to know.

          Concealment produces guilt that Jesus said would eventually be shouted from the house top. Primo Levi noted in his book, The Drowned and the Saved, “Uncomfortable truth travels with difficulties.” Withholding what should be spoken in truth builds a bridge to experiencing something like drowning in guilt and shame.

          Concealment becomes a habit that’s hard to break, but remember, nothing can be concealed from God and that’s good news. If God loves you knowing everything, perhaps others will also. Proverbs 10:9 notes, “The man of integrity walks securely, but he who takes a crooked path will be found out." Truth sets you free, so be courageous.  

Repentance: Letting Go of Sin - Part 1

I once heard a friend describe an acquaintance as an "accident waiting to happen." My friend was speaking humorously, but some behaviors suggest a recklessness that gives birth to heartbreak and sorrow. Interestingly, some people often gain notoriety because of their resilience to recover from the suffering of terrible tragedies.

Resilience can be a means for continuing immoral behavior. Turning from evil behaviors can be rejected even when the necessity to change cannot be denied. Godly repentance indicates the Holy Spirit is nudging you to face the truth and realize the certainty that Christ Jesus lives in you.

God's mercy and forgiveness sets in motion a process of transforming an arrogant, unrepentant person into a new, Christ-centered person. Ephesians 4:1 explains that you are being made new in your attitude and will experience a new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. Won't you give God permission to make this transformation of love within you? 

Battling Evil Assaults: Allied with God - Part 2

God never overlooks an assault of evil on anyone. Evil is the enemy of each person called to serve Christ, so survival depends on our willingness to repudiate the assaults of evil. Choose to overcome evil by permitting God to empower you with his Spirit. God does battle with evil by being your defense when Satan attacks.

It sounds absurd to hesitate to choose God as an ally in the battle against evil. Yet evil doesn't always appear dangerous to our spiritual, emotional, or physical well-being. Evil can be deceptive by appearing as a "wolf in sheep's clothing." Ephesians 6:11 tell us how to stand against evil. "Put on the full armor of God so you can take your stand against the devil's schemes."

Facing down and surviving evil with integrity requires your full participation. Face the truth about evil for the truth will set you free. Christ Jesus empowers you with clarity of mind and his presence for choosing what will save you from evil. It's not too late to make that choice.  

Choosing a New Perspective - Part 1

Being chosen to be the love of someone's life is a wonderful experience, provided the feelings are mutual. Staying in love for a lifetime is the intention of most couples. Hardships come, but usually there is a balance of joy and sorrows that most marriages can tolerate. Troubles provide opportunities to develop a deeper closeness and sustaining partnership.

Choosing isolation is not easily reversed, but with God's help and determination, change is possible. I observed a couple challenge a long-standing stalemate by being honest with each other. The alternative would have been a relationship of detached co-existence and never getting to know each other.

Choosing intimacy over isolation is choosing to live within God's design for communications that reveals your needs, your feelings and who you've become. God will empower you to live within his design as you commit to taking this step toward honesty. Jesus said, "You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free." God can heal a relationship when we're honest with him and others.  

Allowing Intimacy: Getting Close - Part 1

During adolescence, an inner yearning begins to evolve to meet and be accepted by a special member of the opposite sex. Do you remember your first love as a teenager? I realize the majority of adolescent love affairs do not endure the trials and tests of those years. The reason for most failed marriages of adolescents is the absence of a solid identity.

Intimacy depends on honesty and truthfulness. It relies on having enough self-confidence to be transparent so a significant other can know you for the person you are - warts and all. Failure to be truthful is indicative of deception that ultimately isolates you by fostering loneliness and preventing the closeness God intended.

Making choices for positive change includes trusting God, others, and yourself enough to begin opening up to what's on the inside of you. Being honest opens the door for a new person in Christ Jesus to emerge. The pathway to change can spring from accepting who you really are because that person is who God sees and loves.  

Identity Formation: Who Am I? - Part 3

With children, pretend is a wonderful game. Pretend is a natural escape into fantasy that not only aids in the passing of time, but is necessary for the development of healthy emotional growth. St. Paul  points out the validity of this natural development: "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned as a child."

Unfortunately for some, pretend serves as a springboard for self-deception that endures beyond childhood. Self-deception can evolve into deceptive behavior designed to control and get what you want. Deceptive practices lead to flawed judgment that end with painful consequence. There are things worse than failure, and compromise with evil is one of them.

Listen to these wise words: "The choices you make dictate the life you lead." Making choices that change your life begins by replacing deception with God's truth. Deciding to forsake deception and face the truth isn't easy, but possible. God's word promises that when the truth is faced and accepted, you are then free.