Inner Conflict? Let God Help - Part 1

Anger is a common emotion experienced by everyone. Out-of-control anger can destroy marriages and friendships. Anger turned inward, kept hidden or expressed in subtle ways, tends to isolate people emotionally. Anger causes inner turmoil that’s expressed as irritation with self and others. Inner conflict can be disconcerting, making peace difficult to achieve.

Someone observed that anger is analogous to “meeting the enemy, and it’s us.” We can be our own worst enemy. Benjamin Franklin’s wise counsel is to “Love your enemies for they’ll tell you your faults.” When our defects are hidden, we become vulnerable to anger whenever someone comes close to identifying those faults.

God’s word encourages Christians to confess their faults and sins to trusted Christian friends. When inner conflicts produce too much personal strife, seeking professional help can be God’s way of helping you heal from the wounds that produced the anger. You can trust God always to be at work to bring you goodness and peace.  

Face Conflict with Encouragement from God - Part 3

Internal conflict is analogous to arguing with oneself. A college sophomore related that he had fallen in love with a woman he met in one of his classes. After a two-year courtship, he felt uneasy about continuing the relationship. He loved her, but something was wrong. Sensing his ambivalence, she asked him to think about his commitment to her.

Fearing he would hurt her feelings he denied his misgivings and assured her everything was OK. The internal struggle between what he thought and felt and his inability to be honest, put the relationship in jeopardy. He felt guilty about causing her to feel rejected, but she sensed his uncertainty, which made it impossible to trust him fully.

Internal conflicts are difficult to discuss, but is essential to honesty. It’s encouraging to realize God provides special moments for being honest about troubling thoughts and feelings. Although it takes maximum courage to overcome the fear of being honest, honesty can save a relationship while providing peace that only God can provide.  

Face Conflict with Encouragement from God - Part 2

Conflict is present in most relationships because change needs to take place. Conflict evolves as personal feelings and thoughts collide. A young adult described several conflicts he was trying to sort out. His purpose was to avoid conflict, but failure abounded. Internal strife occurs when values are ignored, which then produces guilt and shame.

The young man’s inner conflict had to do with underachieving, failing to live up to his natural abilities and talents. It’s comparable to getting by with minimum effort rather than to achieving at one’s natural level, which sometimes is known as laziness. Most underachievers have problems trusting their own ability to be successful so they hide their talent.

While the issue of internal conflict is not easily resolved, committing and entrusting oneself to God’s care and love is a valuable first step. Even though it is difficult to do, it’s important to remember that God’s peace will keep your thoughts and heart quiet as you trust in the encouragement of Christ Jesus. 

Face Conflict with Encouragement from God - Part 1

The Bible provides extensive examples of power struggles, conflicts and their solutions. Even heaven wasn’t exempt from power struggles. Isaiah 14:12 describes Lucifer, the shining star of all the angels, striving for power and control. A massive fight erupted in heaven, resulting in the expulsion of Lucifer and his followers from heaven.

Power and control, when appropriately allocated, don’t eradicate conflict but can keep it in check. Problems develop as we lust for and covet power. The tenth commandment is precise: “You shall not covet.” Coveting or lusting after anything is an inward compulsion to possess whatever from whomever, regardless of the cost.

          This commandment tends to produce conflict and power struggles because it’s extremely difficult to obey. However, Christians have an advocate who pleads our case before God the Father. Therefore, he forgives us as we confess and repent of this sin and then gives us a new beginning. Isn’t that good news?  I'm Olen Baker.

Trust in Change to Bring Improvement - Part 3

The road to conflict is easy to find and travel on. Every individual seeks power in some fashion, and power paves the way for disagreements, arguments and fights. Power contributes to a sense of individuality and importance. The healthiest relationships have a distribution of power, with conflict kept manageable and within reason.

Ross Perot, a past presidential hopeful, said, “Power is wonderful and absolute power is absolutely wonderful.” A wise philosopher remarked, “He is most wonderful who has power over himself.” Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit, given by God. It enables conflict to remain healthy and resolutions to be discovered that will enhance trust and intimacy.

The interesting aspect of power is that once it’s possessed, power is extremely difficult to give up. Jesus gave his disciples this challenge: “All power in heaven and earth has been given to me, therefore go everywhere and make disciples,” which means he gives us power to serve him wherever we are. May God bless and keep you within his care.  

Trust in Change to Bring Improvement - Part 2

One main component of conflict is unmet expectations that result in disappointment. As a college freshman, a promising athlete had high hopes of playing sports, but a serious injury kept him benched. As he improved, he fully expected to be allowed to play, but the coach refused. Anger and depression followed the disappointment.

The conflict he experienced with the coach became unbearable because his primary reason for attending college was to play sports. Bitterly disillusioned, he dropped out of college. Coincidentally, a friend later asked him to go to the driving range and hit some golf balls. Here he discovered he had a knack for driving the ball.

During the pain of disappointment and failure, this young man found an inroad for change that helped him let go of bitterness caused by unmet expectations. God in his mercy gave him a way to find direction, meaning and purpose in life. Jesus assures us he is the way, the truth, and the life. In Jesus, there is hope and light. He heals the heartbroken.  

Trust in Change to Bring Improvement - Part 1

Conflict resolution requires each person to be open-minded to new ideas and possibilities. Otherwise, people stay fixated in the same old rut because there is no other option. However, there are times when inroads to resolution of conflict come unexpectedly. A young woman felt obligated to ask her husband for a decision on each problem she faced.

Then his job abruptly required that he be away from home several days each week which meant she had to make independent choices. Although feeling insecure, she was forced to explore the unfamiliar territory of independent decision making while he was gone. This change forced the couple to begin trusting each other.

Surprisingly, this couple’s relationship improved dramatically as each became more trusting and confident. Where unhealthy relationships exist because of conflict, God faithfully sends chances to make inroads for change. He expects us to be alert and willing to change unhealthy behavior and trust his leadership for those changes.  

Conflict: Deterrent or Encouragement to Change? - Part 3

Conflict can define a relationship. Conflict is about struggling for control to establish power and influence decision making. The very nature of conflict gives rise to the potential endangerment of a relationship’s safety and security. Regardless of how much individuals care for one another, disagreements can evolve into separation and alienation.

A man with custody of two young children married a woman who seemed to love and accept them. Yet he refused to let his new wife have much of a role in taking care of the children. The children, sensing their father’s protective role, refused to respond to their stepmother’s guidance, leaving her frustrated and hurt.

A change took place when the father became incapacitated, leaving the stepmother with the responsibility for the children. The father finally realized she was capable of loving and caring for his children. Trust and faith in her blossomed. When we see how God provides for our needs, faith and trust in his love and care become permanent.

Conflict: Deterrent or Encouragement to Change? - Part 2

Isn’t it interesting how conflict and struggle seem to be pervasive in all areas of life? Most conflicts are resolvable by our being willing to clear the air and ease tension. With determination to communicate, we can discover solutions that restore peace, which ultimately provides confidence and hope for a relationship.

Persistent conflict tends to threaten intimacy and closeness, especially when discordant voices override each other. However, momentary feelings of compassion can arise to ease the tension so more conciliatory positions and solutions can be discussed. Having an attitude of acceptance rather than being locked into a grim standoff provides hope for solutions.

A willingness to modify one’s perception of a problem can be the beginning for constructive change to take place. Nicodemus had this experience when he met secretly at night with Jesus to ask straightforward questions. When God’s Spirit indwells the person, change is a reality that is transforming.  

Conflict: Deterrent or Encouragement to Change? - Part 1

The objective for desiring change can be to resolve conflicts created by unyielding points of view. Becoming comfortable with conflict seems improbable, but still it exists in relationships. A deterrent to change that often becomes a dead-end for relationships is growing contented with conflict. Yet most people long for a loving, fulfilling marriage and friendship.

Everyone experiences ambivalent, contrasting feelings which are simultaneously accompanied by contrasting thoughts. Someone might argue convincingly for an issue, then feel anxious about their argument. When conflict arises, anxiety can be a deterrent to resolution and change.

God’s word is clear about living in peace with everyone in as much as it is possible. Inner peace should be each believer’s objective, as God’s word indicates. “God will keep in perfect peace all those who trust in him, whose thoughts are fixed on him. Trust in the Lord God always for he is your strength.” This is the perfect means for change.

Greasing the Wheels of Change - Part 3

An impasse may be defined as a collision of ideas, where individuals are unwilling to accept a contrasting point of view. This is not uncommon in relationships where arguments evolve into conflicts. Reluctance to permit the existence of differing ideas produces derailment of communication that often points to immaturity and stubbornness.

To break out of an impasse, clearly define what created the impasse. Someone said: “I never give up, give in, or change my position.” What fashioned this attitude? Probably an intense compulsion to compete, a lack of compassion, immaturity or perhaps a resolve to win regardless of negative consequences to others.

God’s purpose for the Apostle Paul and Paul’s vision for himself collided. It took an encounter with Jesus on the road to Damascus and temporary blindness for Paul to realize change was imminent. As Jesus spoke to Paul, he chose to listen and willingly changed his attitude to include God’s plan and purpose. God’s purpose and plan are always right and good.    

Greasing the Wheels of Change - Part 2

God intends for change to be a normal progression in life. Where change is not welcomed, stagnation sets in or a crisis disrupts the status quo. Fear and anxiety are opponents of change, but often initiate a crisis. The time between a crisis and the occurrence of a change can be inundated with pain and apprehension.

As difficult as it to be stuck in the middle of a crisis, a clear picture may evolve in this in-between state that defines changes needing to be made. Crises prompt people to confess their sins, repent, make promises to God and renew their faith. A crisis presents an opportunity to begin a new chapter in life.

In a personal statement, the Apostle Paul confesses that his carnal self is dying so a new spiritual life in Christ Jesus can thrive and grow. A crisis can be perplexing, but God is willing to open his heart and hands to give strength and faith to sustain believers in the depths of a crisis. For that, let us praise God and give thanks to him.  

Greasing the Wheels of Change - Part 1

         Philosophers say the more rigid we are in what we’ve settled for in life, the more resistant we are to change and growth. Becoming a prisoner of what we’ve settled for is not uncommon because choosing to change is not a simple task. Letting go of any habit or behavior involves an intense struggle and usually takes longer than anticipated to be successful.

          Jesus asked his disciples to share in his struggle on the night before his crucifixion by praying and keeping a vigil, but sleep overcame them. Jesus’ response was, “The spirit is willing, but the body is weak.” Perhaps Jesus was pointing to his own humanness he would have to encounter as he faced the reality of pain and death on the cross.

          The implementation of God’s great plan came at great hardship for God and Jesus. If sincere consideration is given to what God sacrificed for us and what Jesus endured, then it makes sense to be less rigid and more prone to changes we can make that are pleasing to God.  Eytg