Curb Criticism with Creativity & Self-control

Effective communication requires more than spontaneously speaking your mind. Thinking through an issue and understanding what should be conveyed takes creativity. If an issue is sensitive and potentially conflictual, then planning what needs to be communicated is essential. The objective is to avoid a collapse in communications.

Everyone is capable of blaming and criticizing, but this form of interaction is destructive. It diminishes trust and respect. Realize that damage is inflicted on yourself as well as the other person by digressing to this level of relating. Conveying criticism and blame ultimately destroys the will to be emotionally connected. There is a better way to communicate.

It takes creativity and self-control to be kind and forgiving when all that's within, wants to criticize and blame. Creative thinking includes praying and petitioning God for insight that enables you to pursue what is helpful for the other person. Remember to “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.”  

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Trust in the Lord. Be kind and good to others; then you will live safely here in the land and prosper, feeding in safety. Be delighted with the Lord. Then he will give you all your heart’s desires. Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him to help you do it and he will.

~Psalm 37:3-5 The Living Bible

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Arrogance Feeds Immaturity

 In every society there are individuals who refuse to accept blame for conflicts or troubles they initiate. Samson avoided taking responsibility for the problems he brought on himself and the hardships he caused others. When an army of Philistines took him captive, he could not admit to the endangerment he caused to his fellow countrymen.

When an  Israeli leader asked him, "Don't you realize the Philistines have power over us?” listen to his response. "I did to them what they did to me." His attitude reflects a person who was so self-absorbed that reason and logic could not penetrate his mental and emotional mindset. Samson might have said, "What's the big deal? You seem to be the one with the problems."

Samson portrays an immature and arrogant person. It’s impossible to know if his parents promoted this attitude, but as an adult he lacked self-discipline and self-control. Our heavenly Father never fails to discipline those he loves just as earthly parents discipline their children to promote correct thinking and self-control.  

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Obey the Lord and you will live a long life, content and safe from harm. Arrogance should be punished, so that people who don’t know any better can learn a lesson. If you are wise, you will learn when you are corrected.

~Proverbs 19:23,25 Good News Bible

Pay attention to what you are taught, and you will be successful; trust in the Lord and you will be happy. A wise, mature person is known for his understanding.

~Proverbs 16:20-21 Good News Bible

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Self-Regulate! Don't Crowd the Edge

The majority of human beings intuitively know when they’re crowding the edge of what is healthy and acceptable. Self-regulation, or self-control, is a boundary marker designed to keep us within the limits of acceptable behavior. Competent self-regulation is dependent on our mental and emotional state to facilitate responsible choices.

Healthy self-control involves more than refraining from behaving in ways that are on the edge. So the more emotionally threatened you feel at any moment determines the accuracy of your judgments. Self-regulating what you think and how you talk is critical to believing you are emotionally unwavering in common sense.

Self-regulating requires exercising constraints rather than rushing forward without considering the consequences. Psalm 37:7 tells us to “be patient and wait for the Lord to act. Don’t be envious of evil people who seem to succeed in their evil ways.” Jesus was constantly waiting and encouraging his disciples to wait for God’s perfect timing. 

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While [Jesus] was still with them, he said: “Don’t leave Jerusalem yet. Wait here for the Father to give you the Holy Spirit, just as I told you he has promised to do.”

~Acts 1:4 Contemporary English Version

And let us not get tired of doing what is right, for after a while we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t get discouraged and give up.

~Galatians 6:9 The Living Bible

Intentions, Actions and Regulating Ourselves

The teacher of a Bible study class asked his students, "Would you rather be judged on your intentions or your actions?” Without exception, each student chose intentions because it’s easier to explain failure for specific choices. Stories abound of college freshman becoming sidetracked by distractions that sabotaged their intentions.  

High-school graduates planning to attend college do so with intentions of qualifying for a satisfying career. However, many beginning freshman fail to graduate four years later. The key component that determines success for those who do graduate is regulating their social activities and study habits.

Self-control is essential for achieving goals that determine future happiness. Regulating thoughts, feelings and actions is imperative for staying focused on intentions. Romans 12:11 encourages you to “Never give up. Eagerly follow the Holy Spirit and serve the Lord so your hope will make you glad.” The Holy Spirit provides patience and self-control.  

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And we desire each one of you to continue to show the same earnestness to the very end, that you may enjoy your hope to the fullest, so that you may not grow careless, but may follow the example of those who through their faith and patient endurance are now possessors of the blessings promised.

~Hebrews 6:11-12 Williams – New Testament in the Language of the People

Success OR Failure: Engage Self-Control!

Self-control determines our success or failure. Many individuals are tempted to give up when engaging in powerful habits and tempting distractions, blaming their lack of willpower to stay focused and faithful. Self-regulating is a difficult test Christians will encounter in their walk with Christ Jesus.

 

Listen to Romans 7:21 as the Apostle Paul struggles with self-control: “It seems a matter of fact that when I want to do what is right, I predictably do what is wrong. I love to do God’s will; but there is something within me that is at war with my mind and makes me a slave to sin." Does this mean he lacked the strength to resist?

Evidently not. Paul also declared, "I press on toward the goal to win the prize of the high calling in Jesus Christ."  Yes, it took endurance and self-regulation which were imperfect, but still he stayed focused on God’s purpose for him. The fruit of the Spirit is self-control, so engage it each moment of each day as you seek God’s purpose for yourself.  

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For when the way is rough, your patience has a chance to grow. So let it grow and don’t try to squirm out of your problems. For when your patience is finally in full bloom, then you will be ready for anything, strong in character, full and complete.

~James 1:3-4 The Living Bible

Gaining Internal Control

One fruit of the Spirit the apostle Paul listed in Galatians 5:22-23 is self-control. Everyone struggles with self-control in some area of life ranging from an insatiable appetite to unwanted thoughts. Self-regulating is one of the most difficult battles Christians struggle with, for this issue sheds light on unresolved internal conflicts within each person.

Jesus promised to send the Holy Spirit to help us with our infirmities and weaknesses. This does not mean he will remove them but will help us gain control over their power to hold us captive. One internal conflict is the impulse to give in rather than sustain a strong, vigilant battle against what plagues us.

God promises that “no temptation will seize you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will provide a way out so that you can stand against it and retain the joy of your salvation.”  

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It is an agonizing situation, and who can set me free from the prison of this mortal body? I thank God there is a way out through Jesus Christ our Lord.

~Romans 7:24-25 Phillips – The New Testament in Modern English

Yes, But – I Want It Now!

Getting what you want is a privilege most responsible people enjoy. God's timing, however, may be different from your immediate timetable. This can be frustrating to the point of your making the mistake of plunging ahead determined to make things happen, but then suffering the consequences of impatience. To persevere includes exerting self-control and waiting for God’s timing.

 

Rachel appears to be a vibrant young woman capable of hard work and dependability. Jacob first met her at a well where she came to water her flock of sheep and goats. In addition to being energetic and assertive, she was attractive. Rachel exhibited a toughness of character that demonstrated she could handle responsibility.

 

Rachel also displayed self-control by waiting seven years for Jacob, the man she loved. Tough personalities can have weaknesses that make them vulnerable to hurt and pain. It's at this place where perseverance is required, where you realize God’s grace is adequate to cover your weaknesses. Then you can gratefully say, “Thank you, Lord Jesus.”

Life-Giving Trust

What image comes to mind when you hear the word control? Then consider the words power, freedom and unafraid of confrontation. Control has a healthy dimension as well as a pathological side that diminishes freedom of choice. Parents exercise a healthy control over children until they’re capable of good judgement and independence.

 

There is a fragile alliance between freedom and control, given that the alliance eventually builds a bridge toward independence, self-control and maturity. Two basic factors affect this alliance. Trust allows gradual independence for an adolescent on the way to young adulthood, and self-control implies good judgement is possible.

Life is full of situations that produce anxiety and insecurity. However, God offers us hope through faith in the Lord Jesus Christ which builds a bridge to inner peace and security. Proverbs 29:11 confirms that “A wise person keeps himself or herself under control.” With this as a consistent objective, problems are more manageable. 

Fightings Within, Fears Without: Come to God - Part 3

Internal struggles can be caused by having a lack of self-control when faced with difficult choices. Learned patterns of thinking and believing may serve as obstructions to realizing success and happiness. A man in his forties explained how his parents overindulged him as a child, creating an impression that life would be easy and that others were obliged to meet his needs.

Overindulgence produced impatience with others and a lack of self-control. While he was not a drug or alcohol abuser, he found it difficult to resist other temptations. Although we have the right to pursue what could be construed as happiness, we do not have the right to violate the ethical rules and guidelines of society or of God’s laws.

Beyond society’s expectations, God’s laws eventually become conscious to each person. However, true and lasting confidence comes from being certain of your standing with Christ Jesus as Savior and Lord. Internal strife and conflict diminish as Christ Jesus becomes real in every aspect of your life.

Trust in Change to Bring Improvement - Part 3

The road to conflict is easy to find and travel on. Every individual seeks power in some fashion, and power paves the way for disagreements, arguments and fights. Power contributes to a sense of individuality and importance. The healthiest relationships have a distribution of power, with conflict kept manageable and within reason.

Ross Perot, a past presidential hopeful, said, “Power is wonderful and absolute power is absolutely wonderful.” A wise philosopher remarked, “He is most wonderful who has power over himself.” Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit, given by God. It enables conflict to remain healthy and resolutions to be discovered that will enhance trust and intimacy.

The interesting aspect of power is that once it’s possessed, power is extremely difficult to give up. Jesus gave his disciples this challenge: “All power in heaven and earth has been given to me, therefore go everywhere and make disciples,” which means he gives us power to serve him wherever we are. May God bless and keep you within his care.  

Insight: God's Light for Values - Part 2

The essentials for effective change are insight, endurance and action, and usually develop slowly in separate stages but may occur simultaneously. Insight generates honesty with oneself and then stands with what is right and with authentic moral decisions. Insight serves as a bridge to value formation and clarification.

Values lay the groundwork for the development of self-respect and are incompatible with guilt, shame and disgust with oneself. God does forgive our sins when we confess, repent and express faith in Christ Jesus. Self-respect is a product of a clear conscience and is strengthened by refusing to take the easy way through life's challenges.

Ephesians 5:22 identifies self-control as a fruit of the Spirit. So, insight is God’s enlightenment that helps us make healthy choices. Self-respect derives from a clear conscience and aids us in choosing the narrow way that leads to life now and for eternity. The challenge is both difficult and rewarding. 

Manage Conflict: Commit to Engage and Change - Part 3

Stress is inescapable. It meets us at work, at home, in traffic, and everywhere. How stress is managed is connected to our personality, education, training, and belief systems. People whose attitude is amenable to change and healthy challenge appear to have a healthier stress tolerance than those who rate low on these attributes.

I was impressed by a seventy-eight-year-old widow who decided she still had something to offer society. She set out to find a place for herself rather than stay home and rest, as her children advised her to do. She remains bright and spunky, capable of driving herself to exercise class, computer classes and several volunteer opportunities.

Significant is the renewal of her fellowship with Christ Jesus, including Bible study with other believers. Even at seventy-eight she's a model for self-control and self-determination. 2 Timothy 1:7 gives meaning and purpose to her. "For God did not give you a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, love, and self-control."  That defines a stress-buster.