Choosing Reality: For Today and Tomorrow - Part 1

The most difficult task of parenting is helping children develop the ability to deal constructively with reality. As a parent, you do your best to protect your child from physical harm. What parent would permit their toddler to play in the street or be near a swimming pool without constant supervision? Concerned  parents teach children how to deal effectively with reality.

Dealing constructively with reality assumes intelligence and aptitude for change. Every child within proper age range and with normal intelligence has the capacity for understanding and accepting facts pertaining of the real world. Reality becomes distorted for children and adults as they are being inundated with false information from those who appear trustworthy.

A truth to embrace is that God constantly holds us accountable for what we model to others, especially children. God gives us initiative and wisdom for making effective changes as we choose to commit our lives to him. God is faithful to forgive and cleanse from all unrighteousness when we confess and turn away from sin. This is God's reality.

Dealing Constructively with Reality - Part 3

A personal concept of reality is based largely on our spiritual beliefs, our political positions, and our beliefs of the right ways to function in society. Our concept of reality can be distorted when reality becomes what we want it to be. Our perception of truth can be based on facts and data that are less than accurate.

In recent months there has been a rash of killings by radicalized people who believed they were doing what was right and good. What happened to distort their concept of reality and truth? A middle school English teacher asked her students to write an essay on any topic of their choice. The majority wrote in graphic detail of the violence they believed comprised their world.

The role of parents has always been to teach and model for children healthy ways to deal effectively with reality. This includes making sure they have the ability to see and understand the truth of God's word and how it applies to their lives. God faithfully gives us insight and wisdom to help us manage reality.  

Dealing Constructively with Reality - Part 2

It is not unusual for a friend or parent to offer words of caution when they observe us approaching a painful situation. God also is working to guide and direct us by whatever means he chooses. However we're at liberty to ignore every concerned voice offering caution and guidance, even the voice of God himself.

Dealing effectively with reality must include our willingness to consider the unsolicited advice and guidance of others. The eagerness to consider another person's perspective indicates a belief that God works through other people to help us define and clarify direction for our lives. Being unwilling to listen to other voices can flaw our ability to make effective decisions.

Dealing constructively with reality may require asking God and others for help. David, Israel's greatest king, often found himself in this position. In Psalm 51:12 he pleads with God to restore the joy of his salvation and to grant him a willing spirit so he could be sustained as he faced a difficult situation. This can be your choice.  

Dealing Constructively with Reality - Part 1

Reality is what we believe is absolutely true. When reality is painful and difficult to face, the truth as we see it can become distorted, denied, or avoided. Some people say exactly what they think regardless of how those words hurt others. When confronted with how their words emotionally devastate others, a common response is, "I'm being myself and speaking the truth."

Dealing constructively with reality requires admitting that hurtful behaviors damage relationships. Failure to face this truth takes place when emotional damage is blamed on something other than a critical attitude. Criticism is capable of destroying trust and of making a friendship or relationship undesirable.

Caring enough to confront is risky because the capacity to change may be limited or absent. Rejection produces sadness, but can be dealt with constructively when we allow it to help us face reality and change. Jesus was consistently bombarded with criticism, but his approach was to confront the truth with love and forgiveness.  

Facing Tough Realities: Pressing On - Part 3

Some people are sadly lacking in the desire to deal constructively with reality even when confronted with undeniable facts. Dealing constructively with reality often requires letting go of what is unattainable. This also applies to being rejected. Feelings of rejection can be difficult to manage in healthy ways.

Jesus wept over the people of Jerusalem when they refused to accept him. The people he would die for saw him as undesirable. Grieving is a choice and is God's way for managing rejection. Where does the ability and desire to grieve come from when we are forced to deal constructively with the harsh realities of life?

Using Jesus as our model for managing the reality of rejection, we find that he never lost sight of who he was or of his purpose. He was willing to see other choices for his immediate situation. It's important to have long-term goals for making healthy choices when change is required. Ask Christ Jesus to give you courage to press on toward what you know to be God's purpose for you.  

Facing Tough Realities: Pressing On - Part 2

Some realities of life seem impossible to accept. A common response is to deny their existence. Dealing constructively with reality requires admitting all is not well. A popular song put it this way, "I never promised you a rose garden." God does not promise us a life absent of problems and harsh realities.

However, believing life is manageable with God's help opens the door for healthy change. Power struggles most often center around denial of reality. For example, striving with others to change their behavior or personality creates an attitude of hopelessness. Only Christ Jesus can change a person, but he will do so only with their consent and submission.

Ask yourself, "What do I need to see and hear to make sure I'm facing God's crucial realities for my life?" Dealing constructively with whatever those realities happen to be and asking God to empower you to change are choices you can make. Permitting God to speak to you through his word and by spending time in prayer are reliable sources for help.  

Facing Tough Realities: Pressing On - Part 1

The facts of reality are not always easy to accept, but most individuals  eventually face what cannot be denied. The issue is learning how to deal constructively with reality, which is a basic principle for making choices for effective change in difficult situations. This applies to power struggles where   striving for dominance and control jeopardize a relationship.

Someone told me he finally realized the futility of fighting with his wife. A deeper hurt was the lack of closeness and loneliness they both experienced. Quarreling proved to be a "no win" situation as the main issue failed to be addressed. Getting bogged down in power struggles overlooks areas where there is compatibility for potential happiness.

Dealing constructively with reality requires making some tough choices. What appears impossible can become workable by accepting the positive attributes about a person or relationship. Being flexible enough for God to create an attitude of hope in you is a choice you can make. Hope that rests in Christ Jesus builds confidence for facing tough realities.  

Choosing Persons or Power: It's Up to You - Part 3

Most young adults begin thinking about finding a partner of the opposite sex by creating a mental image of what this lifelong mate will be like. Maturity enables a more realistic ideal to emerge that permits love and friendship to thrive and endure. Immaturity sets the stage for continuous power struggles that strive to achieve what is impossible.

God conferred on humankind the potential for giving and receiving love. Yet this wonderful gift can be perverted by power struggles, which result in a "no win" situation. Striving for dominance and control is a barrier to giving and receiving love freely. God does not strive with us to insure that we give our love and loyalty to him.

Eliminating power struggles in the search for intimacy is a personal choice. Power struggles create vicious cycles, but by giving each other freedom to be him- or herself and by living within mutually set boundaries, an atmosphere is created whereby godly expectations can be met, allowing love to survive and grow strong.

Choosing Persons or Power: It's Up to You - Part 2

Over time a couple may lose the closeness that initially bonded them together. The cares of life may cause a couple to lose interest and emotionally drift apart, causing a crisis to evolve in the marriage. The first thing a husband or wife may try to do is to restore sexual intimacy, only to witness a rise in anger and more distance.

Sex is frequently at the center of power struggles when it's used as a tool for exerting control or punishment. When sex is expressed as God intended, a couple feels deeply connected at the core of their being. Otherwise, sex is just sex. Where there is indisputable unity, the bond that holds a couple together is consistently strengthened.

Choosing to permit God's love to be anchored in the core of your being transforms power struggles into mutual submissiveness accompanied by a sincere motive to please each other. God's business is transforming attitudes and hearts so unity and bonding can be strengthened. Would you permit God to make this transformation in you?

Choosing Persons or Power: It's Up to You - Part 1

The craving for power often is provoked by a personality that needs to dominate. The desire for power also can be driven by motives designed to bring about healthy change. Power is often entrusted to those who offer hope for that change. Jesus said in Matthew 28:18, "All power is given to me in heaven and on earth". He shares that power with those dedicated to completing the task he assigns them.

The desire for power can superimpose a hostile attitude or be expressed directly in a style revealing deceptive methods that are hurtful and offensive. This approach uses crafty and cunning means to gain control. What ultimately matters is how responsible a person is in the exercise of power.

Power should be complementary in relationships in ways that strengthen the union between people. Giving power to those who are trustworthy is a choice that illustrates how God intended his people to manage their lives. Living together in peace, respect, and love is God's way.  

Power Struggles: Choose to Step Back - Part 3

A good friend related a story about someone he had known all his life.  His friend left his job and family never to return. He described his friend as having a chink in his armor. This means a crack or narrow opening in his character that made him vulnerable to impulsive, hurtful decisions. Imperfections can result in disaster if we allow them to go unchecked.

Chinks in the armor permit power struggles to threaten a relationship because they're often expressed in defensive and protective behaviors. However God is faithful to provide ways to escape from succumbing to imperfections and unwanted consequences that may surely be disastrous for us and others.

How do you accomplish what might appear impossible? God's armor does not have chinks in it. Jesus withstood Satan's temptations with the armor of God's word. Then St. Paul instructs you to pray in the Spirit on every occasion. This means depending on the Holy Spirit to instruct and guide you. This is a choice only you can make, so be receptive to God's provisions.

Power Struggles: Choose to Step Back - Part 2

Power struggles seem to be a never-ending issue. Ingrained in human nature and empowered by self-centeredness and basic insecurity, the fire is fueled in the fight for dominance. There is, however, a healthy side to conflict, but it requires those involved to be willing to communicate openly and honestly so that practical resolutions can be discovered.

God gives us power to love, hate, repent, and forgive, but he holds us accountable for how we manage conflicts and disagreements. Benjamin Disraeli, a former prime minister of England, stated this truth: "All power is a trust, and we're accountable for its exercise." How power is exerted depends on maturity, feelings of security, and the capacity to love others.

We're created by God to be dependent in healthy, positive ways. Threats to that dependency create insecurity, which then encourages arguments. Choosing to change begins by entrusting yourself and others into God's care, which means to trust in the Lord for wisdom and to do as wisdom instructs. God then will give you the desires of your heart.

Power Struggles: Choose to Step Back - Part 1

Power struggles are common in relationships. Married couples sometimes fight over what seem to be insignificant matters. However on closer examination, the issue is, who rules what and how much? Grappling for position, salary, and privileges at work also is common practice. The end result can be serious conflict that damages relationships.

The father of a teenage daughter related how he became embroiled in a huge power struggle with her. Looking back, the issue that sparked the fire was minor. Some said it was basic adolescent rebellion striving for independence while others contended the father was too controlling and failed to trust her with what she was striving to obtain.

Stepping back from a power struggle permits you to consider Ephesians 3:17. "I pray that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have power to grasp how wide, long and deep is the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge." Trusting in the power of Christ's love gives you the ability to communicate with reason. This is a choice you can make.  

Family Peace: Putting God in Charge - Part 3

Most people desire enjoyment and pleasure which derive from many sources. Pleasure also is derived from knowing you're independent and able to provide for yourself and those you love. What brings peace and joy to a person or family is believing in God's word, worshiping in private and in community, taking time to pray, and having good clean fun.

British philosopher Bertrand Russell gave us this perspective. "Next to enjoying ourselves, the next greatest pleasure consists in preventing others from enjoying themselves in the acquisition of power." By voting, we grant power to individuals of integrity and trustworthiness, not for their enjoyment, but for what keeps our nation safe and prosperous.

God holds his abounding power over us. Yet his unconditional love gives us power to choose how we live. Is St. Paul's prayer from Ephesians 3:16 something you desire? "I ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner self." By God's power you choose to make a life in which you are secure in your inner self. 

Family Peace: Putting God in Charge - Part 2

Couples who develop a high level of trust for each other learn how to avoid destructive power struggles. Developing trust for each other's strengths and weaknesses contributes to a balance of power that's important for creating a strong, healthy relationship. The appropriate delegating of power in a relationship relies on feelings of trust, peace, and contentment.

Developing and sustaining trust hinges on how others behave. Your perception of others and the world is influenced by behaviors you observe and the personal experiences you bring to a relationship. If you were deceived or abandoned in a former relationship, you might be distrustful about being vulnerable again. Surviving emotionally depends on knowing who to trust.

Jesus knew about the need to trust. Jesus is trustworthy because he is the Son of God, so he asks you to trust him as a friend and Lord of your life. Listen to Matthew 16:25. "Whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it." Taking this step of trust and faith is a significant choice for positive change.  

Family Peace: Putting God in Charge - Part 1

Seeking a balance of power has always been a struggle for a nation and   for families. Negotiating this balance is preferred to power struggles that strive for  dominance. Power struggles tend to damage each person's integrity, which in turn jeopardize the trust and respect that anchor a relationship. Without trust and respect, a relationship is in danger of eroding.

Strong healthy couples learn to honor each other's need for power that is embodied in their gifts and talents. Honoring each other's need for power recognizes a need for independence that compliments the need for dependence. Acknowledging and accepting each other's strengths calms the fears and insecurities that are intertwined with power struggles.

Communication centered on healthy discussion opens a way for making choices which are based on trust and respect. Trust and respect assume each person will act with integrity and honesty. Proverbs 11:13 acknowledges that. "You can put your confidence in someone who is trustworthy." Becoming trustworthy is a choice God will honor.  

The Power of Patience: Taming the Temper - Part 3

The family is the most prized possession of a nation, for it provides a stabilizing force that's sustained by love, trust, and respect. Family members create a system of rules and boundaries for the distribution power and authority. Fair and healthy distribution of power provides contentment to the family unit. Successful management of power minimizes conflict.

Striving for power is a contributing factor to a family's demise. Power struggles come in many forms and often are observed at family gatherings. Jacob and Esau represent a classic struggle between siblings striving for power. Jacob outwits Esau for his birthright. Then Jacob and his mother conspire against Esau for their father's blessing.

Couples struggle for power by using money, sex, and children. Finding the appropriate balance of power, as intended by God, keeps a family healthy and together. God intended for family members to be subject to one another out of respect, love, and trust. Choosing God's way is the pathway to peace, joy, and blessings.

The Power of Patience: Taming the Temper - Part 2

Special family gatherings like Christmas or birthdays test our capacity to get along with others, even those we love. God creates us with the capacity not only to survive family gatherings, but to thrive and abound in love for each other. Deuteronomy 4:33 tells us how: "Walk in the way God has commanded so that you might prosper and prolong your days." You can do this with God's help.

To thrive in ways God intended, make a thorough examination of yourself and your lifestyle. Remember, your body is the temple of God. You may need to change some habits that are detrimental to your emotional and spiritual health. Do you live under too much stress, worry, and anxiety? Are changes needed?

Thriving includes seeking peace with God and others while there is time. Energies used in striving for power can be used to rebuild your emotional life, family life, and spiritual life. Listen to a choice St. Paul extends to you. "Let the mind of Christ Jesus be in you." This change is possible, so permit this choice be a first step for a new beginning. God bless you.  

The Power of Patience: Taming the Temper - Part 1

During holidays and other special family gatherings, a quick temper can devastate the joyful spirit of family unity. Individuals and relationships suffer when tempers flare out of control. Lack of respect and trust diminishes for those who are quick to anger, and their attendance becomes undesirable. Personal safety may also become an issue.

A quick tempered person usually possesses a fragile ego-strength or ego-boundaries. A quick temper reflects a fear of loss of control over a situation, over another person, or within oneself. A quick temper is an effort to hide low self-esteem. A quick tempered person never acquires the control, love, or respect he or she desires.

Listen to Proverbs 15:18. "A hot tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel." You can control your temper by permitting God to empower you with patience. This is possible when you receive this gift, a fruit of the Spirit. The power of patience makes you acceptable and lovable. With God, all things are possible. 

Facing Evil: Choosing Survival - Part 3

Survival is paramount for everyone. I'm not referring to our physical survival, but to whatever causes anxiety and worry and feelings helplessness. Dark days of the soul come periodically. Grief triggered by a loved one's death, an unwanted divorce, an unhappy marriage, or a debilitating disease can be responsible for depressive days.

When your life space is threatened physically, emotionally, socially, or spiritually, survival becomes an issue. If tragedy strikes a family, relationships may become vulnerable. The death of a child can cause guilt and blame, even hatred and anger. Relationships can begin to disintegrate if emotions become toxic.

This is not God's intent, for he is a God of comfort and compassion, so be receptive to his love and mercy. Isaiah portrays Jesus as a "man of sorrows, acquainted with grief." What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and grief to bear, what a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer. Activating this privilege is a wonderful choice.

Facing Evil: Choosing Survival - Part 2

Evil does not occur by happenstance. Evil is a deliberate power force  whose mission is to possess and destroy anyone who submits to its enticements. Anton Chekhov wrote in 1887 that "evil passions are as inherent in life as are good ones." Those who close their eyes and ears to evil do not distract from its penetration or its grasp on people.

The Irish politician Edmund Burke wrote, "It is necessary only for the good man to do nothing for evil to triumph." Surviving and defeating evil takes courage, courage to put on the armor of God to stand up against the Devil's evil tricks. The shield of faith which God provides for you deflects Satan's evil darts that he hurls your way.

The shield of faith proves that God stands with you against Satan, which is affirmed by 1 John 4:4: "Greater is he who is in you, than he who is in the world." The shield of faith enables you to reject evil thoughts and impulses by petitioning Christ Jesus to intervene on your behalf. This choice saves you from hurt and suffering. God bless you as you face this challenge. 

Facing Evil: Choosing Survival - Part 1

Evil will always be a contender for the hearts and souls of men, women, and children. Evil is not an easy or popular subject to discuss. In the 16th century William Shakespeare noted the disastrous effects of evil on society and on individual lives. Commenting on the assassination of Julius Caesar, Shakespeare wrote, "The evil that men do lives after them, the good is often buried with their bones."

1 Corinthians 15:33 reminds us that evil communications or bad company corrupts good character. It was Caesar's most trusted advisers and best friend who plotted and carried out his murder. Every business, home, and automobile has devices to prevent crime that is done by human beings.

Surviving evil is a personal choice, a choice that permits the power of God and his word to hold a prominent place in your life.  Evil creates war within you, but can be defeated by putting on God's armor that's designed to empower you to claim the Good News of Christ Jesus in the face of evil. This choice insures your survival.  

Battling Evil Assaults: Allied with God - Part 3

It may seem that God turns his back on evil. A governor once said video poker had stolen the soul of many people in his state. He spoke of a mother who left a newborn infant in her car for ten hours to play this game. The infant died from dehydration and heat. Evil is any addiction that captures your thoughts, heart, soul, and mind.

No one is beyond the influence of evil. Have you this day been tempted by evil or engaged in evil behavior or thoughts? Jesus reminds you in Matthew 6:13 to be constantly on the alert less you be led into temptation and into the hands of Satan. He specifically tells us to pray and ask God  "not to lead us into temptation, but deliver us from evil."

Surviving the onslaught of evil requires letting God do his work in you by filling you with his power and courage. Ephesians 6:14 directs you to constantly keep on the breastplate of righteousness to prevent the fiery darts of Satan from penetrating your life. The nudging of the Holy Spirit enables you to keep making this choice.  

Battling Evil Assaults: Allied with God - Part 2

God never overlooks an assault of evil on anyone. Evil is the enemy of each person called to serve Christ, so survival depends on our willingness to repudiate the assaults of evil. Choose to overcome evil by permitting God to empower you with his Spirit. God does battle with evil by being your defense when Satan attacks.

It sounds absurd to hesitate to choose God as an ally in the battle against evil. Yet evil doesn't always appear dangerous to our spiritual, emotional, or physical well-being. Evil can be deceptive by appearing as a "wolf in sheep's clothing." Ephesians 6:11 tell us how to stand against evil. "Put on the full armor of God so you can take your stand against the devil's schemes."

Facing down and surviving evil with integrity requires your full participation. Face the truth about evil for the truth will set you free. Christ Jesus empowers you with clarity of mind and his presence for choosing what will save you from evil. It's not too late to make that choice.  

Battling Evil Assaults: Allied with God - Part 1

While the accumulation of seemingly trivial instances of evil will threaten our integrity, we're often encouraged to overlook little offenses and treat them as insignificant. No offense of evil is insignificant, for these offenses chip away at our integrity by corroding our conscience. A corroded conscience proceeds to become disconnected from God, and from those who love us.

Romans 12:21 commands us to "not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." These words warn us we're vulnerable to evil's influence and power. Evil's strategy may not be a frontal attack, but rather a subtle infiltration of the conscience. Shading the truth with half-truths or white lies may seem harmless but will damage your integrity.

Overcoming evil with good in order to survive spiritually necessitates choosing Christ Jesus to be a part of your entire life. When tempted by evil, no matter how seemingly trivial, ask Jesus to empower you with the courage to do what is good and pleasing in God's sight. With his guidance and assistance you will succeed.