Trust: a Bridge from Conflict to Freedom

Unresolved conflict builds a bridge to emotional distance that separates those who love and cherish each other. Conflict most often centers on the issue of control. In some marriages the battle for control begins immediately, not necessarily an aggressive striving for control but perhaps a subtle, indirect effort to demonstrate power.

The attempt to gain power may remain activated indefinitely. This is especially true where a healthy balance of power remains unnegotiated. Freedom of choice is a God-given privilege, but conflict attempts to negate the right to choose. Even God gives each person the right to choose or reject his grace and mercy.

Conflict driven by greed, fear or insecurity strives to extinguish the right to choose. According to Proverbs 29:25, "Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe." Establishing trust in God and others diminishes fear. Trust builds a bridge to freedom from the bondage of conflict.  

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Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own.

Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track.

Don’t assume that you know it all. Run to God! Run from evil!

~Proverbs 3:5-7 The Message

Establishing Your Values? Choose Wisely - Part 1

When I was a fourth grader, life on the farm presented significant problems. My mother had been sick with high blood pressure. Abundant rain ruined my father’s crops. I was thrown from a horse and broke my arm. My uncle who witnessed this event, took me to Dr. Collins, the only doctor in the community, who set my arm.

Discouragement will come to visit everyone. If permitted, discouragement can strengthen personal values by clarifying what’s important. Values reflect our personal identity and help us to stand firm when confronted with hardships. Discouragement can cause others to lose sight of what’s ultimately important and produce regrettable choices.

Discouragement for my dad resulted in a change that he believed would be good for the family. Galatians 6:9 offers encouragement. "And let us not get tired of doing what is right, for after a while we will reap a harvest of blessing if we do not get discouraged and give up." The issue is to trust God to meet your needs. 

Family Peace: Putting God in Charge - Part 1

Seeking a balance of power has always been a struggle for a nation and   for families. Negotiating this balance is preferred to power struggles that strive for  dominance. Power struggles tend to damage each person's integrity, which in turn jeopardize the trust and respect that anchor a relationship. Without trust and respect, a relationship is in danger of eroding.

Strong healthy couples learn to honor each other's need for power that is embodied in their gifts and talents. Honoring each other's need for power recognizes a need for independence that compliments the need for dependence. Acknowledging and accepting each other's strengths calms the fears and insecurities that are intertwined with power struggles.

Communication centered on healthy discussion opens a way for making choices which are based on trust and respect. Trust and respect assume each person will act with integrity and honesty. Proverbs 11:13 acknowledges that. "You can put your confidence in someone who is trustworthy." Becoming trustworthy is a choice God will honor.  

Listening to Your Inner Voice - Part 3

Good management systems prevent the world from disintegrating into chaos. Each of us has an internal management system that directs our thoughts and actions. One of the main features of this internal management system is our conscience. Think of the conscience as an office manager who makes sure everything stays on track.

The conscience plays a major role in determining our success or failure, so  we are born with the potential for conscience to develop in conjunction with what we're exposed to in our environment. Adam and Eve experienced a serious violation of conscience by crossing the boundary line of God's instructions. They felt fear, shame, and guilt.

The development of conscience begins early in childhood. God's word instructs parents to bring up children in accordance with what is good and godly and they will keep it as a guide for life. We're created in God's image and designed to act, think, and believe as he does. God transforms your conscience as you choose to trust Jesus as Savior and Lord.  

Integrity: Character Strength for a Lifetime - Part 2

Experiencing a crisis of integrity at any stage of adult development is possible. Integrity is one of those words that has far-reaching implications, for it's deeply enmeshed into our character and personality. Integrity reaches into the core of our soul and, in some respects, serves as a guiding light for all of life's opportunities and problems.

When integrity is diminished, our character suffers grave consequences. How would you define integrity? A friend in her late fifties responded with: "A person of integrity has backbone." Another friend said: "A man of integrity is a square shooter." Courage and conviction to do what is right, along with honesty, define integrity for these two people.

God intends for us to evaluate the strength of our integrity because it's vulnerable to change. Our choices sustain, elevate, or diminish integrity, so it's crucial  to remember that God supplies us with his grace, mercy, and forgiveness when sin damages our integrity. God promises to restore and strengthen our integrity as we, in faith, ask him to do so.  

Stubborn Honesty or Stubborn Pride? - Part 3

Stubbornness can be an asset when it keeps a person in pursuit of worthy goals. Determination to succeed is most often needed when choosing to make worthy changes. Stubborn pride on the other hand, can be a detrement to love and intimacy. Stubbornness is closely related to fear of change, which requires trusting yourself into the care of another person.

Stubbornness is a reason for communication's breakdown with others or even with God, and the consequences can be severe. Leviticus 26:14 sends this  warning from God. "If you will not listen to me, I will punish you for your sins seven times over. I will break your stubborn pride. Your strength will be spent in vain."

But there's a better way, so choose to change by repenting and turning from stubborn pride to prevent awful consequences from coming down on you. The opposite of stubbornness is flexibility that begins by trusting yourself into the care of the Lord Jesus Christ. Discard false security which prevents you from experiencing the love, joy, and true security that God gives.  

Intimacy: The Power of Trust - Part 3

Martin Luther, the Catholic monk who pioneered the Protestant Reformation in the sixteenth century, told a group of young men whom he was mentoring not to consider marriage until they were at least thirty years of age. He believed it took this long for most men to mature enough to be for their wife and children something other than just the provider of their basic needs.

The more secure and settled a person's identity, the less likely power struggles will dominate a marriage relationship. Power struggles exist where one or both of the marriage partners feel diminished emotionally, intellectually, or physically. Where power struggles are present, the less intimacy, honesty, and closeness there will be in a marriage.

Power struggles are about striving for dominance over another person. Choosing to let go of control is choosing to trust, rather than to dominate. God's plan is for us to trust him rather than him forcing us to conform to his ways. Making choices for positive change means letting go of power struggles and becoming submissive to God and each other.