When Communications Collapse

Problems with communication are a phenomenon each individual will ultimately experience. Every relationship will eventually reach an impasse where communications break down.  An impasse occurs when a relationship becomes so emotionally charged, all motivation for rational discussion collapses.

When two strong-willed personalities are unwilling to admit bad judgement, a breakdown in communication follows suit. These individuals believe such an admission implies weakness or inferiority. Actually, honesty and truthfulness show integrity and strength of character, which prevent an impasse from taking place.

Proverbs 29:11 discourages permitting anger to evolve into rage, which destroys communications. Preventing a communication impasse begins with asking God for wisdom and applying that wisdom to accept the other person's perspective. As we seek forgiveness and reconciliation, the Lord Jesus Christ provides mercy for making that possible. 

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Deliver me, O Lord, from deceitful lips, from a lying tongue. What shall be given to you, and what more shall be done to you, you deceitful tongue?

~Psalm 120:2-3 English Standard Version

 Watch your words and hold your tongue; you’ll save yourself a lot of grief.   

~Proverbs 21:23 The Message 

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Words Full of Spite Are Not Right

The fundamental reason for using spiteful language is to discredit others. Spiteful words are loaded with malice and evil. Gossip and slander are examples of spiteful talk that belittles and humiliates those disliked or hated. Remember, God’s word never approves of spiteful language.

Feelings of jealousy are perpetuated by inferiority. Feelings of inferiority give birth to malicious jabs directed toward whomever is considered a threat. When my children were in middle school, spiteful taunts filled with sarcasm were common when speaking to friends and foes alike.

God does not approve of a spiteful attitude, for it does not indicate love for God or oneself. Listen to Psalm 19:14: “Let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable to you, O Lord, my rock and redeemer.” Proverbs 15:28 follows with, “The heart of the godly thinks carefully before speaking.” God’s way is better.  

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Malice backfires; spite boomerangs.

~Proverbs 26:27 The Message

Have done, then, with all evil and deceit, all pretense and jealousy and slander.  

~1 Peter 2:1 Phillips – The New Testament in Modern English

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Inferiority: Fuel for the Fire of Hate

Hate is a devastatingly evil force whose objective is to create unimaginable destruction and suffering. It's difficult to accept that someone could hate you to this degree. Joseph refused to believe his brothers hated him, so he naively made himself vulnerable to their hatred. Evil, an extension of hatred, avenges itself in ways that create devastation. 

          Hate is connected to some form of personal loss. Joseph was his father's favorite, which intensified hatred from his older brothers. Joseph was unusually handsome in addition to being exceptionally intelligent, which had been nurtured by Jacob, the boys’ father. Resentment cradled in hatred flowed from Joseph’s siblings.   

          Hatred is fueled by feelings of inferiority. No accomplishment generated by hatred ever diminishes inferiority. Hatred is diminished by accepting our own giftedness and the blessings it can be to others. As hard as it is to thank God for that giftedness and pray that it be devoted to God’s purpose, it is essential to do so. Hatred is diminished by the presence of God’s love. 

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Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs.

~Proverbs 10:12 New International Version

As God gave me His gift of love for every one or you, I tell you, don’t think too highly of yourselves, but take a sane view of yourselves, everyone according to the amount of faith God gave you…We have gifts that are different according to what His love gave us…Love sincerely. Hate evil; cling to what is good. Love one another tenderly as fellow Christians. Outdo one another in showing respect.

~Romans 12:3, 6, 9-10 Beck -- New Testament in the Language of Today

Where Jealousy Festers, Reconciliation Is Required

The renowned anthropologist Margaret Mead described jealousy as a festering spot in every personality that includes a negative undesirable attitude. You would think a smart achieving person would not succumb to jealousy, but everyone has areas where superiority cannot overshadow feelings of inferiority.

A friend related how astonished she was by a family member’s jealous behavior that surfaced whenever she came to visit. This friend is intelligent, a good host capable of doing whatever it takes to avoid conflict. However, when her relative came to visit, happy times evaporated as spiteful barbs and jibes were expressed.

My friend decided to e-mail her relative seeking a resolution. She spelled out what she observed to be the issue. She encouraged her relative to give suggestions for a resolution. They agreed to work toward reconciliation and forgiveness. Patience and courage were required, but knowing God would honor and bless their efforts was encouraging.

Intimacy: The Power of Trust - Part 3

Martin Luther, the Catholic monk who pioneered the Protestant Reformation in the sixteenth century, told a group of young men whom he was mentoring not to consider marriage until they were at least thirty years of age. He believed it took this long for most men to mature enough to be for their wife and children something other than just the provider of their basic needs.

The more secure and settled a person's identity, the less likely power struggles will dominate a marriage relationship. Power struggles exist where one or both of the marriage partners feel diminished emotionally, intellectually, or physically. Where power struggles are present, the less intimacy, honesty, and closeness there will be in a marriage.

Power struggles are about striving for dominance over another person. Choosing to let go of control is choosing to trust, rather than to dominate. God's plan is for us to trust him rather than him forcing us to conform to his ways. Making choices for positive change means letting go of power struggles and becoming submissive to God and each other.  

Learning Productivity - Part 2

What holds a person back from becoming successful, loving, and giving? I'm sure there are many reasons this affliction grips the lives of some of God's people. Laziness and lack of motivation could be argued as probable causes. Feelings of inferiority and inadequacy keep gifts and talents hidden behind a curtain of fear.

As unbelievable as it may seem, change is possible by confronting the feelings that stifle achieving the productive life God intended. While it's true that we can't go back and do any part of our lives over, we can make choices to alter what gives power to negative perceptions and beliefs.

Begin by rejecting a belief that you're stuck and incapable of change. Believe that you were created by God for a special purpose that will honor him and bless others. See yourself as a child of God, redeemed by Christ Jesus and empowered by the Holy Spirit. Believe you're capable of being productive with what God has given you. Keep these truths in your heart and mind until they become real to you.  

Learning Productivity - Part 1

God's desire for his people is that they be industrious and productive. Industry is a developmental task the elementary age child learns to master. The goal for a child at this age is to become skilled in reading, math, social studies, and science. Success most often depends on acquiring social skills. This learned productivity creates patterns for living that last a lifetime.

Children who are shy or feel inadequate conceal their treasures. These children need encouragement and tutoring until their self-image changes. Be alert to identifying a child's strengths and positive attributes. Feelings of inadequacy and inferiority are difficult to overcome, but with determination and God-given courage, change is possible.

The temptation is to linger in the shadows of your capabilities. Jesus said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness." With every temptation, God provides a way to escape. So please be encouraged, and strive to be the person God created you to be.