What May Be the Most Difficult Adjustment for Marriage?

A pivotal event may occur unexpectedly, such as meeting a person whose influence will extend forever into the future. However, being blessed with a marriage soulmate may test each person’s resilience and endurance.

The majority of young men and women want to be married in hopes of their dreams coming true. What aren’t anticipated are the adjustments that have to be made, like modifying or abandoning personal habits to clear the way for living peacefully with the new soulmate.

God’s word commands men and women to leave their parents and cleave to each other, which most couples intend to do. However, leaving and cleaving may have to be done in stages rather than instantaneously. A pivotal moment for a marriage may occur after a couple has experienced several conflicts that resulted in a commitment being made to stay together because the couple realized God intended for their marriage to survive and endure. 

Praise God!                             

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Be gentle and ready to forgive; never hold grudges. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Most of all, let love guide your life…

~Colossians 3:13-14 The Living Bible

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How Important is Gift-Giving at Family Gatherings?

Gift-giving at family gatherings or any other occasion is enjoyable when you know your boundaries and possess a vibrant love for those who will be surprised by your choices. It’s important to believe family and friends appreciate your effort to bring joy and happiness into their lives with a special gift.

However, if too much emphasis is placed on gifts rather than relationships, disappointment is sure to follow. Depending on gifts to compensate for lack of closeness or for past troubles and conflict is a slippery slope to try and navigate.

Believing gifts will make people happy and love you is attributing enormous power to gifts. God’s plan and desire is that those to whom he has given his best gift might remain joyful and at peace with one another. Keeping God’s love and what he has given in constant focus, contributes to your family gatherings remaining joyful and peaceful. 

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Love is more important than anything else. It is what ties everything completely together.

~Colossians 3:14 Contemporary English Version

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How Does God's Love Heal Anger and Resentment?

Anger and resentment are effective tools for refusing to make personal and relationship changes. It’s analogous to defiantly refusing to consider another person’s views on sensitive issues. These powerful emotions serve as emotional blinders. We detect in others what we can’t accept about ourselves.

Without exception, everyone is capable of hurting others – if not deliberately, then unintentionally. Anger and resentment are expressed to make someone suffer for personally inflicting pain and suffering on us. We  punish others by emotional withdrawal or by physical aggressive acts.

Imagine the consequences you would experience if God refused to extend compassion and empathy to you? Yet... 

God extends his favor and unconditional love to us who do not deserve it. So reflect on God’s response to you, then be willing to extend compassion and empathy to others who do not deserve it. Happy Valentine’s Day!  

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Accept life, and be most patient and tolerant with one another, always ready to forgive if you have a difference with anyone. Forgive as freely as the Lord has forgiven you. And, above everything else, be truly loving, for love binds all the virtues together in perfection.

~Colossians 3:13-14 New Testament in Modern English – Phillips

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Open the Door to Forgiveness

Assuming responsibility for one's actions is an example of maturity and a major component for making forgiveness possible. The moment responsibility is assumed for hurtful behavior, blaming others ceases to be a viable option. An essential component for extending forgiveness is seeing inherent value and worth in the person guilty of inflicting pain and suffering.

The basic reason for feeling empathy is that it opens the door to forgiveness. Just as you are worthy of forgiveness, being willing to see others as worthy of forgiveness is a necessity for letting go of anger and the desire for revenge. Forgiveness has to be unconditional, with no strings attached.

It's apparent everyone is not at this level of  maturity. However, wounded people need time to work through their pain and emotional damage until they are ready. God's love is patient and kind. He will never push you beyond your capabilities. Yet when you’re ready, God will give you strength and grace to build the bridge to freedom and forgiveness.  

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The Lord is merciful! He is kind and patient, and his love never fails. The Lord won’t always be angry and point out our sins; he doesn’t punish us as our sins deserve.

~Psalm 103:8-10 Contemporary English Version

Accept life, and be most patient and tolerant with one another, always ready to forgive if you have a difference with anyone. Forgive as freely as the Lord has forgiven you. And above everything else, be truly loving, for love binds all the virtues together in perfection.

~Colossians 3:13-14 Phillips – The New Testament in Modern English

Where Jealousy Festers, Reconciliation Is Required

The renowned anthropologist Margaret Mead described jealousy as a festering spot in every personality that includes a negative undesirable attitude. You would think a smart achieving person would not succumb to jealousy, but everyone has areas where superiority cannot overshadow feelings of inferiority.

A friend related how astonished she was by a family member’s jealous behavior that surfaced whenever she came to visit. This friend is intelligent, a good host capable of doing whatever it takes to avoid conflict. However, when her relative came to visit, happy times evaporated as spiteful barbs and jibes were expressed.

My friend decided to e-mail her relative seeking a resolution. She spelled out what she observed to be the issue. She encouraged her relative to give suggestions for a resolution. They agreed to work toward reconciliation and forgiveness. Patience and courage were required, but knowing God would honor and bless their efforts was encouraging.

Flames of Jealousy

Saying jealousy is a strong emotion is like saying water will quench thirst. Solomon's Song of Songs describes jealousy as "unyielding as the grave. It burns like a blazing fire, like a mighty flame.” Even children use it to provoke anger or tears. Adults use it to try to reignite sagging interest in a relationship.

Jealousy can surface uninvited. A friend or colleague gets a promotion to a prestigious position. You smile, offer congratulations, but jealousy flows with a vengeance. To combat jealousy, force yourself to face the truth. Your colleague is better suited for the job. Her personality qualified her for the position.

As I accept the truth, the freer I become to let go of jealousy. When I pray sincerely for God to bless someone with success and make myself rejoice in their good fortune, the greater are my chances of finding inner peace. Warm, affectionate love and godly affirmations douse the flames of jealousy.