Family Peace: Putting God in Charge - Part 1

Seeking a balance of power has always been a struggle for a nation and   for families. Negotiating this balance is preferred to power struggles that strive for  dominance. Power struggles tend to damage each person's integrity, which in turn jeopardize the trust and respect that anchor a relationship. Without trust and respect, a relationship is in danger of eroding.

Strong healthy couples learn to honor each other's need for power that is embodied in their gifts and talents. Honoring each other's need for power recognizes a need for independence that compliments the need for dependence. Acknowledging and accepting each other's strengths calms the fears and insecurities that are intertwined with power struggles.

Communication centered on healthy discussion opens a way for making choices which are based on trust and respect. Trust and respect assume each person will act with integrity and honesty. Proverbs 11:13 acknowledges that. "You can put your confidence in someone who is trustworthy." Becoming trustworthy is a choice God will honor.  

Productivity vs. Boredom: Sowing and Reaping - Part 1

Young children are capable of demonstrating personal power. I know you've observed children compete over significant issues like who's going to ride in the front seat. Personal power issues persist throughout life in one form or another. All too often, personal power is used to control others for the purpose of self-gain or self-indulgence.

Self-indulgence leads to self-absorption and greed and eventually trying to control others. A truth worthy of accepting is that human beings were not designed to be controlled. Those who try are usually met with passive or aggressive resistance. God in his mercy, kindness, and grace does not choose to control us, but permits us to chose how we live our lives.

We can use our personal power to give blessings to others. St. Paul told the Corinthians, "Remember, whoever sows sparingly will reap sparingly. Whoever sows generously will reap generously." Don't be hesitant to give what you learned to those coming up behind you, even if it requires sacrifice. God will richly bless you.  

Stubborn Honesty or Stubborn Pride? - Part 1

Finding a companion for marriage that lasts a lifetime is an endeavor that begins in late adolescence because God created us for attachment, commitment, and compatibility. Without compatibility, a rift develops that keeps closeness and intimacy in the shadows while creating an atmosphere for continuous power struggles. Intimacy based on trust and acceptance is out of step with power struggles.

Pretending to accept what is incompatible with your values is dishonesty and a refusal to face the truth. Honesty has the courage to verbalize your real self to others. Don't pretend to go along with behaviors just to get others to accept you. Dishonesty will come back to haunt you in the form of power struggles and possible abandonment.

Choosing honesty by disclosing what you know to be your authentic self is what God intends. You can trust God's word for help from Psalm 18:32. "It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect." Believe me, God will make a way and a perfect time for you to express who you are. Honesty makes way for genuine intimacy and peace.

Intimacy: The Power of Trust - Part 3

Martin Luther, the Catholic monk who pioneered the Protestant Reformation in the sixteenth century, told a group of young men whom he was mentoring not to consider marriage until they were at least thirty years of age. He believed it took this long for most men to mature enough to be for their wife and children something other than just the provider of their basic needs.

The more secure and settled a person's identity, the less likely power struggles will dominate a marriage relationship. Power struggles exist where one or both of the marriage partners feel diminished emotionally, intellectually, or physically. Where power struggles are present, the less intimacy, honesty, and closeness there will be in a marriage.

Power struggles are about striving for dominance over another person. Choosing to let go of control is choosing to trust, rather than to dominate. God's plan is for us to trust him rather than him forcing us to conform to his ways. Making choices for positive change means letting go of power struggles and becoming submissive to God and each other.