Can the Strength of Compatibility Be Measured?

Stories abound of couples who were so infatuated with each other they believed their soulmate had been found. If infatuation were an exact test for compatibility, then couples would not divorce. Infatuation cannot compensate for differences in values, ethnicity, religious beliefs, and maturity.

Perfect compatibility is not a requirement for a solid relationship. However, communication that leads to understanding and acceptance strengthens the existing unity. Without communication, incompatibility builds emotional walls that weaken even a strong bond.

The greater the areas of compatibility, the less incompatibility will thrive because trust and respect continue to tighten the ties that bind. Amos 3:3 asks, “Do two walk together unless they agree to do so?” 

Continuing to search for areas of agreement will build and strengthen communication and compatibility.  

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Most of all, love each other as if your life depended on it, for love covers a multitude of sins.

~1 Peter 4:8 The Message/New Living Translation

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Can Irrational Anger Be Managed?

Expressing anger can produce positive or negative results. The outcome is based not on whether anger is justified but on whether it is expressed in a rational way that can generate helpful solutions. Irrational anger damages relationships. David’s family experienced his irrational anger more than ever when it was empowered by alcohol.

On one occasion David reduced to rubble their furniture, electronics, and the children’s toys. That outburst of destructive anger separated him permanently from his family. No cries of regret could persuade his wife and children to return home. All trust and respect had been replaced with fear.

This result is not uncommon for irrational anger. Listen to James 1:20. “Everyone must be quick to listen and slow to speak, for anger will not result in the righteousness God desires.” There is help for out-of-control anger. God will give you the strength to be honest and to pursue help for this destructive affliction. 

                    

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The Lord is near to everyone who prays to him, to every faithful person who prays to him. He fills the needs of those who fear him. He hears their cries for  help and saves them.  

~Psalm 145:18-19 God’s Word Translation

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Explosive Anger Crushes Trust and Respect

Reactive anger not only strains a relationship to the point of obliteration but also can jeopardize a career. A young wife and mother received a stern warning from her supervisor for unrestrained verbal expressions of anger directed toward co-workers. Most individuals can refrain from venting their frustrations because it is inadvisable to do so.   

 

Reactive anger creates distrust. It makes forgiveness difficult because respect has been damaged. Forgiveness implies a willingness to return to normal fellowship if boundaries have been established over outbursts of anger. It's difficult to respect or trust anyone who does not have control over explosive anger. 

Human nature is designed to reject reactive anger. Forgiveness counseling helps a person discover what precipitates and perpetuates this emotion that allows boundaries to be rejected or disrespected. It is God's desire to instill his strength in everyone who seeks his help. Then the damaged fellowship with God and others can be restored. 

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Don’t let your spirit rush to be angry, for anger abides in the heart of fools.

~Ecclesiastes 7:9 Holman Christian Standard Bible

A gentle answer quiets anger, but a harsh one stirs it up.

~Proverbs 15:1 Good News Bible

Sometimes "I'm Sorry" Is Not Enough

Making amends is never a frivolous matter. It involves more than simply saying, "I’m sorry." Sometimes parents force children to say those words knowing they’re not sincere. Making amends goes beyond seeking forgiveness or apologizing. Making amends takes steps to compensate for causing hurt and suffering whenever possible.  

          Jacob knew if he were to live in peace with his brother, he would have to make amends to appease Esau’s anger and hurt. Making amends attempts to restore a relationship to trust and respect. It's comparable to atoning for deliberate wrongs committed against someone because of anger, greed, jealousy, or fear.

          Jacob was desperate. He was willing to bow down in subjection to his brother. Jacob had stolen his brother’s position, wealth and power, so making a sacrifice worthy of Esau’s loss was the issue. When you consider the sacrifice that Jesus made for us so we could be in right standing with God, our sacrifices seem so insignificant in comparison.  

Family Peace: Putting God in Charge - Part 1

Seeking a balance of power has always been a struggle for a nation and   for families. Negotiating this balance is preferred to power struggles that strive for  dominance. Power struggles tend to damage each person's integrity, which in turn jeopardize the trust and respect that anchor a relationship. Without trust and respect, a relationship is in danger of eroding.

Strong healthy couples learn to honor each other's need for power that is embodied in their gifts and talents. Honoring each other's need for power recognizes a need for independence that compliments the need for dependence. Acknowledging and accepting each other's strengths calms the fears and insecurities that are intertwined with power struggles.

Communication centered on healthy discussion opens a way for making choices which are based on trust and respect. Trust and respect assume each person will act with integrity and honesty. Proverbs 11:13 acknowledges that. "You can put your confidence in someone who is trustworthy." Becoming trustworthy is a choice God will honor.