What's the Best Way to Help Someone Change?

Everyone knows what it’s like to be up against the cutting edge of criticism – either deserved or undeserved. Criticism’s objective is to eliminate anything that causes discomfort, including what’s perceived as threatening to one’s personal comfort and security.

It’s perfectly normal to desire that a loved one turn away from what  is detrimental to their health and wellbeing or from behaviors that could potentially damage their relationships. However, criticism does not produce desired changes because an assault on another’s personhood is out of step with love and compassion.

Criticism fails to achieve positive results because it attacks a person’s worthiness, but correction centers on the positive wellbeing of others rather than attacking them.

The Holy Spirit’s job is to correct us and save us from pain and suffering. Corrections given in love teach us how to think, for our thoughts determine our choices.  

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Fill your thoughts with my word until they penetrate deep within your spirit. Then as you unwrap my words, they will impart true life and radiant health into the very core of your being. 

~Proverbs 4:21-22 The Passion Translation

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Grow in Faith and Reap a Harvest of Righteousness - Part 1

Change without struggle is usually impossible but does not deny God’s instantaneously redeeming our souls. God’s mercies are definite motivations for changing old behaviors that are displeasing to him. When experiencing a crisis, we sincerely vow to change, but with time we sense ourselves slipping back into old thinking and behavior patterns.     

          Changes must be practiced diligently to prevent old, unhealthy behaviors from returning. We’re tempted to default on promises to reform by taking the path of least resistance. Jesus related how a man swept his house clean of an evil demon who had made his life miserable. The evil demon later returned with several fellow demons.

          Choosing to change means choosing to do the hard work of creating a new life style that includes what you know is pleasing to Christ Jesus. This is essential for preventing old habits from establishing even greater strangleholds. Greater is he who is in you, Christ Jesus, than he who is in the world. This is God’s promise.  

Infused with God's Light and Love - Part 3

Taking the path of least resistance for managing hard issues is a natural response, especially whenever choosing to go down the difficult, less traveled path appears hazardous. Succumbing to the most traveled path is appealing; it lets us avoid challenging choices. The Apostle Paul refers to this as the old, lingering, natural, unredeemed self.

Choosing to change may mean choosing a difficult path to follow. Now most people are not opposed to hard work if it’s acceptable and has predictable rewards. Taking the path of least resistance is failing to choose the good that could be done. My father believed in never putting off until tomorrow what could be done today.  

It’s easier to hate someone who has hurt you rather than to pray for God to bless that person. Praying for a person requires a change in attitude. The issue is to struggle, fight the good fight of faith, never give up or give in, while straining toward what pleases God. He will give you courage and strength to do it.  

Milestones of Commitment: Don't Turn Back! - Part 1

A milestone for Jesus came at Gethsemane as he realized his hour had come. There could be no turning back, no cowardice, even as suffering and death were immanent. A milestone is a cross-over point from which turning back is not seen as a good choice. The burning bush was a cross-over event for Moses, in both his personal life and his relationship with God.

When an infant begins to walk, walking becomes preferential except when crawling is necessary. Children experience several milestones – physically, emotionally, and mentally – which are natural occurrences for each child. After adolescence, adults continue to progress through different but predictable developmental stages.

Jesus began his ministry at age thirty, which is a major milestone for most people, as youthful looks begin to take on an older look and a new stage of development is set in motion. The good news is, maturity takes a step forward for most people. It pleases God to see his people mature and become the individuals he intends to bless.  

Seize Opportunity: It's Our Responsibility - Part 2

Being created a little lower than angels is an awesome thought. Have you considered the implications for opportunities this makes available to you? What robs us of God’s blessings is our refusal to be accountable and submissive to the requirements the responsibility demands. Another issue is that we permit obstructions to block our advancement toward achievable goals.

Obstructions can be other people's needs that distract us from reaching our objectives. Misconceptions attached to anger, greed, or self-doubt become obstructions that interfere with reaching objectives. Lying, covering up facts, or any deceptive behavior that hides the truth are considered obstructions.

A man explained how he allowed fear to become an impediment to his happiness at work by robbing him of opportunities to excel within the company. As God's creation, we are accountable to him for opportunities he gives us and how we use our gifts and talents. He rewards those abundantly who trust him and act responsibly.  

Melting Stone-Cold Attitudes, Ideas, and Hearts - Part 2

In the parable of the prodigal son, Jesus teaches that God's love and mercy extend to undeserving people. This idea collides with the Jewish belief that God's love was reserved only for the Hebrew people. They made their theology fit into a rigid social and religious belief system that could not be altered.

God revealed himself to the Jewish people so they could be witnesses of his love to all humanity. God told them they were indeed their brother's keeper and responsible to God for their attitudes and behaviors. When the older brother in the parable witnessed his father extend acceptance to his undeserving brother, it was more than he could manage.

Another teaching from this parable is, never devote your life to what is transitory, for it cannot guarantee acceptance into God's eternal presence. Jesus encourages us to store up treasures in heaven where their value will never diminish. When kindness and love are given to those who are undeserving, treasures accumulate into a heavenly account just for you.

Jealousy or Forgiveness? It's Your Choice - Part 3

Imagine a family member refusing to come to a party because of anger and  jealousy. The older brother in the parable of the lost son refused to celebrate his irresponsible younger brother's return home. Listen to the father's appeal to his older son. "Everything I have is yours. But it's right to celebrate, for your brother was dead and is now alive! He was lost and is found."

Jesus emphasized that it's your attitudes, thoughts, and behavior that make you unclean before God. The good news is, God can intercept and change the heart of anyone who has enough humility and honesty to be repentant. However jealousy and anger blunt the heart and soul to express compassion and kindness.

This older brother appears unwilling to accept his father's love for both him and his brother. The younger brother needs forgiveness while the older brother needs to come to terms with his jealousy and hatred. The love of God extends to the vilest offender who sincerely believes and repents. It's hard to love as God intends, but he will help you succeed when you give your best.  

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As of Monday, March 21 new posts now occur 3 days of each week on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.

Blog posts will coordinate with the radio broadcast schedule of Attitudes/Answers that airs at 5:45 PM on KHCB radio at 105.7FM in the Houston area. To stream it live or for a listing of sister stations in TX, OK, LA, and FL, you may click on the KHCB link in the "About Me" section of this page.

Never Too Late to Change - Part 3

The parable of the prodigal son portrays a father vigilantly waiting for his lost son to come home. When this wayward son came into view, the father ran to meet him. The Living Bible tells us the father was "filled with loving pity and ran to hug and kiss his son." This father never gave up on his independent, self-indulgent, defiant son.

This father had the right to be angry and hurt. He could have said, "You're a disgrace to the family. You're not welcome here so keep on walking. I will not rescue you from the mess you've made of your life." These words would portray a father who refused to trust or forgive his son for the pain and suffering he caused.

However this man had already forgiven his son since a father's love is not dependent on whether his children are successes or failures. The father's faith never lost sight of the young man's potential, so he could encourage him to live up to that potential. God encourages us to model the father's faith and choices to forgive and renew trust.

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As of Monday, March 21 new posts now occur 3 days of each week on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.

Blog posts will coordinate with the radio broadcast schedule of Attitudes/Answers that airs at 5:45 PM on KHCB radio at 105.7FM in the Houston area. To stream it live or for a listing of sister stations in TX, OK, LA, and FL, you may click on the KHCB link in the "About Me" section of this page.

Power Struggles: Choose to Step Back - Part 2

Power struggles seem to be a never-ending issue. Ingrained in human nature and empowered by self-centeredness and basic insecurity, the fire is fueled in the fight for dominance. There is, however, a healthy side to conflict, but it requires those involved to be willing to communicate openly and honestly so that practical resolutions can be discovered.

God gives us power to love, hate, repent, and forgive, but he holds us accountable for how we manage conflicts and disagreements. Benjamin Disraeli, a former prime minister of England, stated this truth: "All power is a trust, and we're accountable for its exercise." How power is exerted depends on maturity, feelings of security, and the capacity to love others.

We're created by God to be dependent in healthy, positive ways. Threats to that dependency create insecurity, which then encourages arguments. Choosing to change begins by entrusting yourself and others into God's care, which means to trust in the Lord for wisdom and to do as wisdom instructs. God then will give you the desires of your heart.

The Conscience As an Alert System - Part 3

Many homeless people survive by begging, borrowing, or stealing enough money to satisfy a daily appetite for food and whatever addictions he or she must support. Addictions exist across all classes of society. Statistics disclose that  numerous stay-at-home wives and mothers secretly survive the day by devouring alcohol or non-prescription drugs.

The appetite for alcohol is astounding, and if it evolves into an addiction, it weakens the conscience and integrity while interfering with sound judgment.  Listen to Isaiah 56:12. "Come, let us get wine. Let's drink our fill. And tomorrow will be like today, even better."  This verse reveals how alcohol becomes an obstacle to sound judgment choices.

Escaping responsibilities by numbing the brain works only for a while. Your conscience and integrity cry out for change and healthy choices, such as dependency on God's word and the wisdom of Christ for guidance and strength to manage daily living. Christ Jesus is knocking on your door and waiting for an invitation to come in. Choose Christ Jesus now.  

Integrity: Aligning Actions with Words - Part 1

Each of us will in time accept that change in our life is needed, simply because we're imperfect and that change is therefore necessary. Yet change is difficult to integrate even as old patterns of behaviors have a negative impact on a marriage or family. Choosing to change requires a plan of action along with commitment and determination to make it happen.

It's at this point where personal integrity becomes the aligning force between what is said and what is done. Integrity keeps you centered on the truth even if you're failing miserably. Integrity brings you back to commitment and an all-out effort to do what is right. Faith provides victory over difficult obstacles.

Listen to Job 27:4-6. "My lips will not speak evil, my tongue will not utter deceit. I will not deny my integrity. I will maintain my righteousness and never let go of it." God's word consistently reminds us that change is doable when our commitment is to Him, for He is merciful and full of compassion. God provides help for making change a reality. 

Damaged Integrity: Restoring and Rebuilding - Part 2

There's an interesting biographical book and movie called "Catch Me if You Can" about a man who was skilled in creating identities that allowed him to remain a fugitive. To him it was an art as much as it was an escape from justice. God equips us with gifts and talents, but we have the responsibility of choosing whether to use our God-given intelligence and skills for good or for evil.

Our integrity is measured by how we choose to use what God assigns us. Integrity is designed to be a guide for making godly choices. Integrity will serve as a guard against reacting detrimentally to oneself or others. In the Bible, Job is projected as a man of integrity, for in his darkest days he refused to abandon what he knew was right for him.

Being deceptive can harm or even destroy our integrity. Choose to change by believing God's purpose and plan replicates what is good and right for you. Trust God to give you wisdom to act on what will support the highest level of integrity. Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth, and the life." 

Damaged Integrity: Restoring and Rebuilding - Part 1

As we go through life, we try to be prepared for the unexpected because life is not always predictable. Parenting is seldom what we expects it to be. Marriage has lots of surprises, for there are unseen variables that are beyond our control. However as we trust that God will help us manage difficult situations, anxiety and stress can be kept within appropriate boundaries.

The inability to find solutions for common and difficult problems sets a person or family up for conflict and sometimes alienation. All of us are guilty of this behavior to varying degrees, but God designed us for change. The Lord Jesus Christ will forgive, heal, and restore where there is confession, repentance, and genuine sorrow for sin.

Our hope is found in choosing to change instead wasting our lives away for nothing of real value. The empowerment for making this choice comes by committing our lives to Christ Jesus. The reward is having integrity restored rather than lapsing into despair for the last years of life. Your choices determine your future. 

Overcoming Obstacles by Growth and Change - Part 2

What do you believe is the most important part of yourself that you take to work each day? Is it your capacity to think, perhaps your integrity, that permits you to give of yourself beyond what's expected? If not, it's important to examine your attitude to determine what stands in the way. Obstacles could be persons who do not like you or negative attributes within yourself.

God has given you this unique capacity to think, to observe, to analyze, and  make decisions about what to do in any given situation. If you allow a negative attitude to develop about work, then you're vulnerable to becoming entrapped by these obstacles.

Keep in mind that obstacles can be seen as challenges for change and growth. Romans 12:21 lays out a strategy for dealing with obstacles, regardless of their origin. "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." The good you can do is determined by your ability to think and believe that God is at work to help you. Choosing what is good is God's way.  

Work: A Gift from God - Part 2

Most people go to college to qualify for a career that provides great benefits. Those who graduate usually achieve their objective. Should money be the major reason for working? Most everyone would say, "I work to make a living, to provide for my family." To be able to work, to express and exercise your full range of talents is indeed a privilege and a blessing from God.

Creative work is God's gift of love to you. However when the gift of work is used primarily for self-gain, saturation begins to dulls your sense of appreciation for what's been achieved. Saturation is indicative of the need to redefine what's important. Using the gift of work for the betterment others and the Kingdom of God avoids self-absorption and stagnation.

Accepting work as God's gift is a step toward making essential changes. Work that benefits others produces joyful feelings of accomplishment. It pleases God, as Hebrews 6:10 explains. "He will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you help his people and continue to help them." This is indeed a godly choice.  

Choosing a New Perspective - Part 2

We're living in a time of rapid change. The development of technologies and world-wide cultural changes make it impossible to stay abreast of even simple advances. Yet what is new soon becomes old and so we await news of what's coming next. This might make you consider Solomon's declaration that "there is nothing new under the sun."

It's apparent that we must change as each stage of life confronts us. Our youthful appearance gives way as we mature in age. Our physical endurance diminishes with advanced years. The common wisdom of our day warns us, "Use it or lose it," which includes the mind's eager willingness to learn and the body's muscles that tend to atrophy with neglect.

Cooperating with change is healthier than denying its intrusion into your life. Begin by taking stock of what's needed to put your house in order and then do it. Jesus said, "I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in and fellowship with you." Change in partnership with Jesus can be exciting and joyful.  

Stubborn Honesty or Stubborn Pride? - Part 2

Change often doesn't come easy, even when it's for a godly purpose. When change requires making adjustments for ways to function in relationships, there seems to be a particularly stiff resistance. Stubbornness, to some extent, can work for your good but often serves as a detriment to happiness.

Stubbornness is most often perceived as being inflexible, but intimacy requires flexibility that's essential to feeling acceptable and loved. Stubbornness is designed to get your way and is therefore a controlling device, but it may isolate you from those who love you. Stubbornness even makes it difficult to hear God's voice because hearing God's voice will require you to make changes.

The Lord God in Psalm 81 has this to say. "But my people would not listen to me, nor submit to me. So I gave them over to their stubborn hearts to follow their own devices." Choosing to change begins by recognizing your stubborn heart. Letting it go can be the loving and accepting decision that opens the door for you to experience the true intimacy God intended.  

Stubborn Honesty or Stubborn Pride? - Part 1

Finding a companion for marriage that lasts a lifetime is an endeavor that begins in late adolescence because God created us for attachment, commitment, and compatibility. Without compatibility, a rift develops that keeps closeness and intimacy in the shadows while creating an atmosphere for continuous power struggles. Intimacy based on trust and acceptance is out of step with power struggles.

Pretending to accept what is incompatible with your values is dishonesty and a refusal to face the truth. Honesty has the courage to verbalize your real self to others. Don't pretend to go along with behaviors just to get others to accept you. Dishonesty will come back to haunt you in the form of power struggles and possible abandonment.

Choosing honesty by disclosing what you know to be your authentic self is what God intends. You can trust God's word for help from Psalm 18:32. "It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect." Believe me, God will make a way and a perfect time for you to express who you are. Honesty makes way for genuine intimacy and peace.

Intimacy: The Power of Trust - Part 1

Most everyone leaves the safety and security of their parents' home by their late twenties. Adults of this age are faced with a difficult but common truth. "Life is not simple, nor completely predictable." Surprisingly, they accept that the world wasn't created just for their pleasure, yet they can choose to make life meaningful and purposeful.

Choosing to change is done by making a transition from a self-sufficiency mind-set to creating a partnership with a trusted intimate other. It's possible for a couple to have been married five to ten years, but have yet to establish an intimate partnership. Many obstacles can stand in the way, including parents, friends, a career, children, or even the church.

Choosing to change should begin by realizing that marriage links together two people capable of being best friends and ready to establish true intimacy. Love, trust, and respect form the foundation for intimacy that can survive the troubles inherent in every marriage. What seems to be impossible is possible for God when you, in faith and hope, turn to him for help.