What Does Compatibility Assume?

Instinctively, we human beings basically know if the potential for compatibility exists for a relationship. A young man created a business with a friend and assumed that compatibility in ambitions and objectives existed. Soon disputes over management of finances caused their friendship to collapse.

However a relationship is defined, success depends on having mutual values and agreeing on significant issues. Some relationships are so fragile that compatibility has to be carefully nurtured by elevating it above all areas of incompatibility.

Compatibility in marriage assumes that self-centeredness and self-reliance have given way to interdependence and mutuality, based on love and commitment to each other. Genesis 2:24 describes this as becoming one flesh in body, mind, and spirit. For compatibility to flourish and thrive, it must be nurtured and cherished.

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Therefore encourage and comfort one another and build up one another, just as you are doing.

~1 Thessalonians 5:11 Amplified Bible

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Rewriting Your Life Script? Set Boundaries - Part 2

Opportunities for making significant changes in one’s lifestyle rarely occur. When it does happen the opportunity may slip away if the willingness to be accountable is missing. Taking responsibility for the cost or sacrifice that change demands is the issue. A young woman desperately wanted her marriage to heal from the anger and jealousy that had torn it apart. 

For reconciliation to be possible she would have to change her inordinate attachment and dependency on her parents. Her husband refused to reconcile until she was willing to set boundaries on her parent’s influence and control. Throughout her marriage, she had blamed her husband for their ever-present conflict.

Although this young woman's intentions were sincere, she refused to enforce the boundaries she knew were needed. Mature love is what adults crave and seek, but becomes possible only when God’s instructions to leave parents and cleave to each other are set in motion. While this may be difficult, God will provide the means to do so where a firm choice is set in place.

Choosing Persons or Power: It's Up to You - Part 3

Most young adults begin thinking about finding a partner of the opposite sex by creating a mental image of what this lifelong mate will be like. Maturity enables a more realistic ideal to emerge that permits love and friendship to thrive and endure. Immaturity sets the stage for continuous power struggles that strive to achieve what is impossible.

God conferred on humankind the potential for giving and receiving love. Yet this wonderful gift can be perverted by power struggles, which result in a "no win" situation. Striving for dominance and control is a barrier to giving and receiving love freely. God does not strive with us to insure that we give our love and loyalty to him.

Eliminating power struggles in the search for intimacy is a personal choice. Power struggles create vicious cycles, but by giving each other freedom to be him- or herself and by living within mutually set boundaries, an atmosphere is created whereby godly expectations can be met, allowing love to survive and grow strong.

Choosing Persons or Power: It's Up to You - Part 2

Over time a couple may lose the closeness that initially bonded them together. The cares of life may cause a couple to lose interest and emotionally drift apart, causing a crisis to evolve in the marriage. The first thing a husband or wife may try to do is to restore sexual intimacy, only to witness a rise in anger and more distance.

Sex is frequently at the center of power struggles when it's used as a tool for exerting control or punishment. When sex is expressed as God intended, a couple feels deeply connected at the core of their being. Otherwise, sex is just sex. Where there is indisputable unity, the bond that holds a couple together is consistently strengthened.

Choosing to permit God's love to be anchored in the core of your being transforms power struggles into mutual submissiveness accompanied by a sincere motive to please each other. God's business is transforming attitudes and hearts so unity and bonding can be strengthened. Would you permit God to make this transformation in you?

Intimacy: The Power of Trust - Part 1

Most everyone leaves the safety and security of their parents' home by their late twenties. Adults of this age are faced with a difficult but common truth. "Life is not simple, nor completely predictable." Surprisingly, they accept that the world wasn't created just for their pleasure, yet they can choose to make life meaningful and purposeful.

Choosing to change is done by making a transition from a self-sufficiency mind-set to creating a partnership with a trusted intimate other. It's possible for a couple to have been married five to ten years, but have yet to establish an intimate partnership. Many obstacles can stand in the way, including parents, friends, a career, children, or even the church.

Choosing to change should begin by realizing that marriage links together two people capable of being best friends and ready to establish true intimacy. Love, trust, and respect form the foundation for intimacy that can survive the troubles inherent in every marriage. What seems to be impossible is possible for God when you, in faith and hope, turn to him for help.