Give Reconciliation a Chance

         

A major goal we have set in motion is making life predictable and free from anxiety and worry. We need security and stability so that when the unpredictable happens, we’re able to avoid a major crisis. When Joseph’s brothers came to Egypt to buy grain, his well-ordered life spun into turmoil. For twenty years he hadn’t seen his brothers who hated him.

Joseph saw this as a chance for reconciliation, but he did not trust his brothers. A test we face in life is what to do with anger and sadness from past betrayals and disappointments that have not healed. Although Joseph was overcome with emotions, he determined to use reason and logic to give reconciliation a chance.

Joseph's goal was to fuse together his fragmented family. A crisis either tests your character strengths and behaviors or adds fuel to the fire of resentment and revenge. Using a crisis as a tool for reconciliation builds a bridge to integrity and paves the way for restoring peace and harmony. It pleases the Lord Jesus Christ when this becomes your objective. 

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“Now it’s time to change your ways! Turn and face God so he can wipe away your sins, pour out showers of blessing to refresh you.”

~Acts 3:19 The Message

Get rid of all bitterness, passion, and anger. No more shouting or insults, no more hateful feelings of any sort. Instead, be kind and tenderhearted to one another, and forgive one another, as God has forgiven you through Christ.

~Ephesians 4:31-32 Good News Bible

It Takes Two + Humility + Action

It’s difficult to go to someone who was offended by our behavior and seek reconciliation. It’s equally challenging to accept an apology when we’ve been offended. Doubt, lack of trust and a desire to punish are obstacles to conflict resolution. However, it takes positive character strengths to humble oneself and seek reconciliation. If humility is missing, apologies may be rejected. 

          Frustration surfaces when we to try to connect with someone to make amends if we’re ignored or misinterpreted. Consequently, when a person listens and understands our efforts to make amends, we feel affirmed and validated. Making amends requires a mutual yearning to resolve conflict.

          Specific actions communicate more effectively than words alone. Jesus said if there’s conflict between you and another person, go do what’s necessary to make things right so conflict can be resolved. This includes words and action. Then we can present ourselves to Christ Jesus for worship.

Rewriting Your Life Script? Set Boundaries - Part 2

Opportunities for making significant changes in one’s lifestyle rarely occur. When it does happen the opportunity may slip away if the willingness to be accountable is missing. Taking responsibility for the cost or sacrifice that change demands is the issue. A young woman desperately wanted her marriage to heal from the anger and jealousy that had torn it apart. 

For reconciliation to be possible she would have to change her inordinate attachment and dependency on her parents. Her husband refused to reconcile until she was willing to set boundaries on her parent’s influence and control. Throughout her marriage, she had blamed her husband for their ever-present conflict.

Although this young woman's intentions were sincere, she refused to enforce the boundaries she knew were needed. Mature love is what adults crave and seek, but becomes possible only when God’s instructions to leave parents and cleave to each other are set in motion. While this may be difficult, God will provide the means to do so where a firm choice is set in place.

Stressed-out Family? Seek Constructive Change - Part 3

One of the most exciting opportunities that come our way is choosing to live our lives differently from what we've done in the past. An opportunity may suddenly appear, and we have a chance to inaugurate a change. To let an opportunity pass without giving it consideration would be like turning your back on the chance of a lifetime.

Recognizing how to change is good insight, which is the key to transformation. I had a conversation with someone who had a terrible fight with her adult brother. This fight could have caused long-lasting alienation, but she decided to call her brother and apologize for her part in the conflict. This was her opportunity to choose reconciliation rather than alienation.

Everyone is capable of attitudes that destroy trust, which is needed for every aspect of life. Poisoning trust can be subtle, but destructive. Is this the time to redirect how you can be as a person? Micah 6:8 puts it this way, "What does the Lord require of you, but act justly, to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."