Is It Possible to Purge Oneself of Hatred?

It’s within human nature to hate what causes suffering and pain. Hatred is powerful because of the social and spiritual stigma it fosters. Hatred does more damage to the one harboring it than to those to whom it is directed.

This truth, unfortunately, does little to convince the one nursing hatred to let it go and permit God to do his work. Hatred can cause a marriage to fail and drive a wedge between parents and children during and after divorce proceedings. Parents often use children to punish the ex-spouse.

Fractured and broken parents should never use their children as conveyers of punishment. 1 John 2:11 tells us if we permit hatred to take possession of us, we live in darkness, which implies the blessings of God will be absent from us, for God is light. In God there can be no darkness. 

Hatred conveys darkness and destruction, but forgiveness imparts healing and the blessing of God’s presence.                            

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Stop being bitter and angry and mad at others. Don’t yell at one another or curse each other or ever be rude. Instead, be kind and merciful, and forgive others, just as God forgave you because of Christ Jesus.

~Ephesians 4:31-32 Contemporary English Version

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Is There a Productive Way to Express Anger?

Unresolved anger builds a wall between individuals who might love and care for each other. This wall may be unheeded initially but in time will create a barrier that appears impossible to penetrate. Anger can become layered in when there is no attempt to resolve issues that trigger this emotion.

Each eruption of anger can weaken the bond of trust. This is unfortunate because there’s a healthier way to manage an emotion that’s impossible to avoid. Some believe anger is the most convenient means for controlling situations and people, but this perception ignores the destructive nature of anger.

God’s anger as portrayed in Psalm 30:5 lasts only a moment, which implies anger is unavoidable but can be resolved immediately. Ask yourself, “Is the way I express anger productive or does it drive others away.” With God’s guidance and insight, walls created by anger can be dismantled.                

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Stop being bitter and angry and mad at others. Don’t yell at one another or curse each other or ever be rude. Instead, be kind and merciful, and forgive others, just as God forgave you because of Christ.

~Ephesians 4:31-32 Contemporary English Version

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What Does It Mean to Turn the Other Cheek?

Any act of vengeance is evil, regardless of the justifications used for seeking it. If you suffered wounds from another person’s aggression or betrayal, it might be impossible to agree that seeking revenge is evil. The biblical admonition to "turn the other cheek" is in opposition to retaliation.

Turning the other cheek is an unnatural response. The natural reaction is to defend oneself or strike back. In truth, we would like to inflict more pain than was received, and it’s at this juncture where evil makes its appearance. When revenge becomes an all-consuming drive, nothing else matters.

What did Jesus mean in Matthew 5:39 when he taught that if someone hurts you or sins against you, try first to understand the situation? What motivated this person’s anger? Did you by your own actions or attitude invite this criticism? Turning the other cheek includes responding with kindness and mercy and forgiveness as God has forgiven you. 

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Let there be no more bitter resentment or anger, no more shouting or slander, and let there be no bad feeling of any kind among you. Be kind to each other, be compassionate. Be as ready to forgive others as God for Christ’s sake has forgiven you.

~Ephesians 4:31-32 Phillips – The New Testament in Modern English 

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Solutions for Conflict

Many families today are split up for numerous reasons including conflicts over selective lifestyles, recent graduations and employment, marriages and divorce, or hurt feelings that haven’t healed. Some family members just don't like each other. Witness Cain and Able, Jacob and Esau, the younger prodigal son and his older brother.

So what is a possible solution for these situations? Begin by asking yourself, is this what God expects of me? Depression may be linked to anger and bitterness turned inward with nowhere to go. Taking ownership and responsibility for family troubles is an important first step.

Releasing anger, hurt feelings, and resentment depends on a willingness to see your situation from God’s perspective. Realize that while forgiveness is ongoing, it eventually softens your heart toward others and yourself. While this is difficult, all things are possible with commitment and determination to do what God will bless. Ask God for courage to do your part.  

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Get rid of all bitter feelings, temper, anger, yelling, slander, and every way of hurting one another. Be kind to one another and tenderhearted, and forgive one another as God in Christ has forgiven you.

~Ephesians 4:31-32 Beck – New Testament in the Language of Today 

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Back in the Trenches Again with Demons?

Setting boundaries and being able to sustain those boundaries is in fact one of the graduated steps in making forgiveness a success. How earnestly have you prayed to ask God to help you forgive someone who cruelly hurt you? Then you actually felt relief and peace from the bitterness that engulfed your life? Later, you’re back in the trench with the same hurt and bitterness, as if forgiveness never happened.

Remember the story Jesus told about a demon that came out of a man only to return later with seven of his fellow demons to torment him worse than before? What went wrong that permitted the demons to return? He failed to surround himself with godly boundaries that protected him from demons. Setting boundaries is a continuous process as is forgiving someone who has hurt you.

Setting needed boundaries that prevent you from lingering in the trench with hate and bitterness is essential. Forgiveness, though not easily obtained, builds a bridge to inner peace with others and God the Father. Forgive and you will be forgiven.  
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Let there be no more bitter resentment or anger, no more shouting or slander, and let there be no bad feeling of any kind among you. Be kind to each other, be compassionate. Be as ready to forgive others as God for Christ’s sake has forgiven you.

~Ephesians 4:31-32 Phillips – New Testament in Modern English

In every battle you will need faith as your shield to stop the fiery arrows aimed at you by Satan.

~Ephesians 6:16 The Living Bible

Give Reconciliation a Chance

         

A major goal we have set in motion is making life predictable and free from anxiety and worry. We need security and stability so that when the unpredictable happens, we’re able to avoid a major crisis. When Joseph’s brothers came to Egypt to buy grain, his well-ordered life spun into turmoil. For twenty years he hadn’t seen his brothers who hated him.

Joseph saw this as a chance for reconciliation, but he did not trust his brothers. A test we face in life is what to do with anger and sadness from past betrayals and disappointments that have not healed. Although Joseph was overcome with emotions, he determined to use reason and logic to give reconciliation a chance.

Joseph's goal was to fuse together his fragmented family. A crisis either tests your character strengths and behaviors or adds fuel to the fire of resentment and revenge. Using a crisis as a tool for reconciliation builds a bridge to integrity and paves the way for restoring peace and harmony. It pleases the Lord Jesus Christ when this becomes your objective. 

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“Now it’s time to change your ways! Turn and face God so he can wipe away your sins, pour out showers of blessing to refresh you.”

~Acts 3:19 The Message

Get rid of all bitterness, passion, and anger. No more shouting or insults, no more hateful feelings of any sort. Instead, be kind and tenderhearted to one another, and forgive one another, as God has forgiven you through Christ.

~Ephesians 4:31-32 Good News Bible