When Is Anger Acceptable?

It’s often easier to admit making mistakes than it is to acknowledge making bad choices. It’s reasonable to assume that those making an honest mistake do not feel as guilty or defensive as someone who makes a bad choice. The Prodigal Son’s older brother mistakenly believed his younger brother would never return home.

He couldn’t imagine his father throwing a lavish party for someone so irresponsible. This is not dissimilar to Jonah’s reaction when God refused to destroy the people of Nineveh after they repented and turned to him for mercy. Jonah wanted Nineveh destroyed because they were his enemy, but God, in mercy and kindness, forgave them.

Jonah’s anger paralleled the anger of the Prodigal Son’s older brother. God asked Jonah, “Do you have the right to be angry because I show kindness and mercy?” Had he forgotten God had saved him from certain death? By remembering what God has done for you, surely thanksgiving and praise will flow for his kindness and mercy. 

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Now you must repent and turn to God so that your sins may be wiped out, that your souls may know the times of refreshment which come from the presence of the Lord.

~Acts 3:19 Phillips – New Testament in Modern English

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What Does Forgiveness Include?

Voicing words of forgiveness to heal a relationship is a significant step in seeking reconciliation. Included are words like, “I’m sorry for the hurt and pain I caused you,” or “I regret how deeply you were offended by what I said.” Words to avoid are, “If I hurt you,” or “If I caused you pain.” Being honest and straightforward demonstrates sincerity.

Beyond words that seek forgiveness, heartfelt regret and sorrow also demonstrate sincerity. Repentance includes changing your mindset that made it possible to offend another person by saying hurtful things. True repentance leads to behaviors that build a person up.

Words verbalize what is in the heart and mind so that true repentance will allow the Lord Jesus Christ to create in you a new way of thinking, believing, and relating to others. Making amends is critical to forgiveness, so ask God to give you courage, insight, and wisdom for accomplishing these important life-changing tasks.  

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Now [repent,] change your mind and attitude to God and turn to him so he can cleanse away your sins and send you wonderful times of refreshment from the presence of the Lord.

~Acts 3:19 The Living Bible

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Want to Reconcile? Don't Resist Repenting

Forgiveness is a demonstration of kindness that portrays turning away from bitterness to an attitude of repentance and reconciliation. Yet there's something about human nature that resists taking the initiative to be repentant and forgiving. Recognizing and overriding that resistance must be addressed, however, if forgiveness is to be successful.

When a Christian chooses sin over fellowship with the Lord Jesus Christ, a barrier to communion evolves. If fellowship is to be restored, an attitude of repentance and confession must be a priority. We may concede that repentance is necessary for reconciliation with God but hesitate or refuse to concede that it’s a vital step to reconciliation with people.

If forgiveness is to be successful, sincere feelings of remorse must be felt for having caused pain and suffering. Repentance, prompted by feelings of remorse, encourages the seeker of forgiveness to discontinue behaviors that caused suffering and pain. To do so is saying yes to the Holy Spirit and is a choice for healing a broken relationship.  

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Now you must turn to God so that your sins may be wiped out, that your souls may know the times of refreshment which come from the presence of the Lord.

~Acts 3:19 Phillips – New Testament in Modern English

Admit your faults to one another and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous man has great power and wonderful results.

~James 5:16 The Living Bible

God's Forgiveness Will Cleanse Your Conscience

I recently heard someone ask, "How can I forgive others when I can't forgive myself?" That question is troublesome because it’s laced with shame and guilt. What makes it difficult to forgive oneself is a sense of unworthiness. Unrelenting feelings of guilt and shame may produce behaviors that unintentionally cause damage to a relationship.

 

Inadvertently hurting or betraying someone and then saying their pain and suffering is inconsequential inflicts additional pain that makes forgiveness more difficult. Self-punishment is powered by the wrong belief that it will dissolve shame and guilt. However, sincerely making amends or apologizing is God’s way to a clear conscience. 

Self-forgiveness follows knowing and accepting the cleansing power of God's forgiveness. God's forgiveness is available to anyone who turns to Christ Jesus in faith confessing their sins and behaviors that separated them from fellowship with God and others. Committing to these steps will make it possible for you to forgive yourself and others.  

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If we confess our sins, He is to be depended on, since He is just, to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from every wrong.

~1 John 1:9 Williams – New Testament in the Language of the People

So let us come near to God with a sincere heart and a sure faith, with hearts that have been purified from a guilty conscience and with bodies washed with clean water. Let us hold on firmly to the hope we profess, because we can trust God to keep his promise.

~Hebrews 10:22-23 Good News Bible

Forgiveness, Love, Healing – Amazing!

 When you hear the word forgiveness, what comes to mind? It could be an image of uncontrolled anger being levied against you by someone who hates you. I've often thought how unlike Jesus we are – Jesus, who could look down from the cross and ask His heavenly Father to forgive those determined to kill him. 

A Catholic priest was arrested by the German SS during World War II for hiding allied soldiers. He looked his executioners in the eyes and told them he forgave them for the torture and death they were about to inflict upon him. Perhaps forgiveness is difficult because we think we must love those who have hurt us and consequently forgive them immediately.

Because true healing progresses slowly, the desire to forgive may also progress slowly. As forgiveness becomes a reality, you should be able to lay aside grudges and demands for punishment. Now spiritual healing has freedom to move forward. So “trust in the Lord with all your heart. Never rely on what you think you know.” Permit God to heal you.  

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God doesn’t want us to be shy with his gifts, but bold, and loving, and sensible.

~2 Timothy 1:7 The Message

Now change your mind and attitude to God and turn to him so he can cleanse away your sins and send you wonderful times of refreshment from the presence of the Lord.

~Acts 3:19 The Living Bible

Give Reconciliation a Chance

         

A major goal we have set in motion is making life predictable and free from anxiety and worry. We need security and stability so that when the unpredictable happens, we’re able to avoid a major crisis. When Joseph’s brothers came to Egypt to buy grain, his well-ordered life spun into turmoil. For twenty years he hadn’t seen his brothers who hated him.

Joseph saw this as a chance for reconciliation, but he did not trust his brothers. A test we face in life is what to do with anger and sadness from past betrayals and disappointments that have not healed. Although Joseph was overcome with emotions, he determined to use reason and logic to give reconciliation a chance.

Joseph's goal was to fuse together his fragmented family. A crisis either tests your character strengths and behaviors or adds fuel to the fire of resentment and revenge. Using a crisis as a tool for reconciliation builds a bridge to integrity and paves the way for restoring peace and harmony. It pleases the Lord Jesus Christ when this becomes your objective. 

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“Now it’s time to change your ways! Turn and face God so he can wipe away your sins, pour out showers of blessing to refresh you.”

~Acts 3:19 The Message

Get rid of all bitterness, passion, and anger. No more shouting or insults, no more hateful feelings of any sort. Instead, be kind and tenderhearted to one another, and forgive one another, as God has forgiven you through Christ.

~Ephesians 4:31-32 Good News Bible

From Regret to Redemption

Jacob was the son of Isaac and Rebekah. His twin brother Esau traded his birthright to Jacob for a bowl of soup. His rationale made perfect sense to him. “If I don’t get something to eat, I’m going to die! Then what good would my birthright be?” The pervasive aroma seeping from the soup was too tempting to resist.

Have you ever acted impulsively and had to live with never-ending regret? Jacob knew his brother, whom he feared somewhat but evidently knew he could manipulate. Manipulating others is a skill learned early in childhood. Siblings learn to manipulate each other sometimes with the parent’s blessings, especially when it’s perceived as being creative.

Jacob used his creative abilities to persuade Esau to trade his birthright for a quick meal, which was a dishonorable, unloving act. Jacob saw his character flaw as a positive skill that gave him an advantage. Remember, God does not close his eyes to sin, but will wait for sincere repentance and change which builds a bridge to integrity.