How Do An Apology and Confession Affect Reconciliation?

Spiritually, reconciliation means to be made right with God. It’s not what we do but what Jesus did on the cross that makes it certain. In relationships reconciliation means to be made right with each other – to end hostilities and agree to live in peace.

Broken and fractured relationships need reconciliation, but first a desire for reconciliation must exist in those who created the emotional and physical suffering. That means that some anxiety about the future will have to coexist with hope for a new beginning.

Past behaviors must be forgiven to prevent sabotaging possibilities for repairing the relationship. Taking responsibility for immature behaviors is an essential part of confession and apologizing, and it makes reconciliation promising. 

God helps you clean the slate, as he washed you clean through forgiveness. This is required for possibly restoring a fractured and broken relationship.                  

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Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

~Galatians 6:7-9 New International Version

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How Long Will the Wounds Inflicted by Anger Last?

Anger is costly the moment it’s turned on another person or on oneself. The damage anger inflicts may not be obvious, but the cutting-edge wounds of anger can last a lifetime. A high school student shared with a friend the sadness he felt from being the recipient of constant anger directed toward him by his father.

An obvious cost to this young man is the loss of a close, loving relationship with his father. God intended for fathers to love their children, to nurture and actively support their interests and talents. God instructs fathers to teach children how to be successful, to love God and follow him all of the days of their lives.

The danger of habitual anger is that it transforms into hatred. Proverbs 10:12 warns in the New King James Version that “Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all sin.” It’s not too late to turn from anger and hatred and let the love of God cleanse and wash you and give you peace so forgiveness will be possible for you.                  

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If we confess our sins, we can depend on [God] to do what is right – He will forgive our sins and wash away every wrong.

~1 John 1:9 Beck – New Testament in the Language of Today

 

[Jesus said,] “But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive you your sins, too.”

~Mark 11:25 The Living Bible

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How Do Habits Seize Control?

Habits form slowly but seize control of our lives like iron shackles. William James noted in the Principles of Psychology, “The hell to be endured [in the] hereafter…is no worse than the hell we make for ourselves in this world by habitually fashioning our characters in the wrong way…We are spinning our own fates, good or evil, and never to be undone.” When we realize the power of habits, we are more astute in our choices for good or evil.

            You may not be addicted to alcohol, tobacco or a street drug, but neither was Elvis Presley. He died from abuse of prescription drugs. A bad habit can be anything that causes pain and suffering, like speaking your mind. Someone said, “I say exactly what I think.” So what is missing here?

Listen to Proverbs 10:32: “Godly people speak words that are helpful while the wicked create upheaval and pain.” God’s people make Psalm 19:14 their guide. “May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable to you, O Lord my Redeemer.” Choose God’s way to be accepted and blessed.  

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And [Jesus] said, “What comes out of a person is what defiles him. For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person.”

~Mark 7:20-23 English Standard Version

 

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

~1 John 1:9 New International Version 

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Blessed by Forgiveness – Blessed to Forgive

 One significant blessing that God extends to us is forgiveness, and yet the most difficult task we experience as human beings is forgiving others who have offended us. We often take seriously the attitude of Heinrich Heine, the sixteenth century German poet, who humorously noted, "You should forgive your enemies, but not before they've been punished or hanged."

A Japanese proverb noted, "Forgiving the unrepentant is like trying to paint a picture on the surface of water." A requirement for receiving forgiveness is letting go of pride and blame so you can be repentant before God and others.

Achieving this goal is possible only as you extend forgiveness to others. Matthew 6:15 warns, "If you refuse to forgive others their sins, your heavenly Father will not forgive your sins.” As difficult as it is to forgive, it’s the only way to achieve peace and receive God’s promise: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful to forgive us and cleanse us of all unrighteousness.” 

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And forgive us our debts (sins) as we have forgiven our debtors [letting go of both the wrong and the resentment].

~Matthew 6:12 Amplified Bible 

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Errors in Judgment? Corrections Are Possible

Whenever a new beginning is embarked upon, fine-tuning objectives are often required to safeguard success. While it's impossible to predict every obstacle that interferes with reaching an objective, being prepared can prevent setbacks or even failure. Errors in judgment will at some point have to be faced.

When Moses was on Mount Sinai receiving the Ten Commandments from God, the people waiting for him grew restless and persuaded Aaron, Moses' brother, to make a golden calf for them to worship. They wanted a god with a face to take the place of the invisible God who had delivered them from Egyptian slavery.

The Israelites discovered that faulty judgments can be costly, but if seen as a learning experience, they can be a guide for future decisions. While some judgment calls cannot be revoked, corrections are possible with God’s help and guidance. His mercy and grace are greater than all your sin. God is quick to forgive when you turn to him and away from sin.  

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If you want to know what God wants to know, ask him, and he will gladly tell you, for he is always ready to give a bountiful supply of wisdom to all who ask him; he will not resent it.  

~James 1:5 The Living Bible

 But if we freely admit that we have sinned, we find him reliable and just – he forgives our sins and makes us thoroughly clean from all that is evil.

~1 John 1:9 Phillips – New Testament in Modern English

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God's Forgiveness Will Cleanse Your Conscience

I recently heard someone ask, "How can I forgive others when I can't forgive myself?" That question is troublesome because it’s laced with shame and guilt. What makes it difficult to forgive oneself is a sense of unworthiness. Unrelenting feelings of guilt and shame may produce behaviors that unintentionally cause damage to a relationship.

 

Inadvertently hurting or betraying someone and then saying their pain and suffering is inconsequential inflicts additional pain that makes forgiveness more difficult. Self-punishment is powered by the wrong belief that it will dissolve shame and guilt. However, sincerely making amends or apologizing is God’s way to a clear conscience. 

Self-forgiveness follows knowing and accepting the cleansing power of God's forgiveness. God's forgiveness is available to anyone who turns to Christ Jesus in faith confessing their sins and behaviors that separated them from fellowship with God and others. Committing to these steps will make it possible for you to forgive yourself and others.  

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If we confess our sins, He is to be depended on, since He is just, to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from every wrong.

~1 John 1:9 Williams – New Testament in the Language of the People

So let us come near to God with a sincere heart and a sure faith, with hearts that have been purified from a guilty conscience and with bodies washed with clean water. Let us hold on firmly to the hope we profess, because we can trust God to keep his promise.

~Hebrews 10:22-23 Good News Bible

Chasing the Winds of Jealousy and Envy

The pursuit of jealousy’s demands is comparable to chasing the wind. Can you imagine someone chasing the wind, trying to capture it for some emotional purpose? Solomon observed that "all labor and all achievements spring from man's jealousy of his neighbors." He added, “This is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.” 

Rachel's jealousy pushed her to outdo her sister, win at any cost, even destroying the bond of love that may have existed. Jealousy moves in progressive steps, spiraling ever upward, gaining intensity and power over rational and sensible thinking. When jealousy spirals into rage, turning back may become impossible.

It's critical to get immediate control of jealousy. Jealousy can be managed, so never let the sun go down harboring it in your thoughts and feelings. Acknowledge its presence and root by confessing it, then repent and turn away from it. Seek forgiveness by turning it over to God. He will heal you of this sickness.

 

A Clear Conscience: Essential for Self-Respect - Part 3

What is the relationship between your conscience, the values you keep, and self-respect? I read an article about a young police officer who was assigned to drug enforcement. He served earnestly until, in a moment of weakness, he experimented with cocaine, which in turn evolved into a full-fledged addiction. He disregarded his conscience, which cheapened his self-respect.

What went wrong with his conscience that allowed this officer to take such a drastic turn in his behavior? He was aware of the consequences he’d experience later down the road. Why didn’t his conscience stop him from experimenting with cocaine in the first place? Surely his conscience made him aware of the wrong choices he was making.

Obviously, your conscience can be over-ridden and denied the power to stop disaster. Even so, your conscience doesn’t give up because God uses it to help you turn away from sin, even when self-respect is stuck in the gutter. Jesus is interested in your redemption and beckons you to turn around and come back to him, so why not do it now? 

Feeling Afraid? Remember Your Faith in God - Part 2

There are unexpected moments in life when a good, positive memory is made that lasts forever. Some memories are so powerful they haunt us in ways that are uncomfortable or even disturbing. These we try to suppress, especially if they’re overlaid with guilt or shame or if they’re associated with anxiety, anger, or resentment.

Memories are stored in our brain like a savings account where they’re held in trust, ready to be examined or relived if a stimulant strong enough ignites and brings them to remembrance. God’s word declares, “All have sinned and fallen short of God’s glory.” Sin produces bad, negative memories, but here’s the good news. When we confess our sins and repent, we are forgiven and made right with God through faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.

When negative memories surface, confront these intruders with the fact that God dealt with them by cleansing and washing you clean through confession and forgiveness. The reality of dealing with unwanted memories from this point of view creates new memories that result in peace and joy.  

Rewriting Your Life Script? Set Boundaries - Part 1

Blaming others for our troubles and hardships is often a first line of defense. Accusations range from absurd to ridiculous and on to laughable. You’ve heard the story of the student who didn't do his homework. When the teacher asked him to produce it, he excused himself by blaming his dog, whom he accused of eating it.

Blame is a form of deception that tries to hide our inadequacies. Blame attempts to make something or someone responsible for our own bad choices. In reality, it's an effort to sidestep accountability by refusing to be submissive to the truth. Believing that if you escape the immediate consequences of a bad choice, you will escape them indefinitely, simply isn't true.

Learning to set boundaries on blaming others and to accept responsibility for your decisions a critical choice. God directs us to confess our sin and failures, for through confession, we override the impulse to blame others. The old adage of confession being good for your soul has viability. Confession paves the way for an honest relationship with God and others.  

Choosing Reality: For Today and Tomorrow - Part 1

The most difficult task of parenting is helping children develop the ability to deal constructively with reality. As a parent, you do your best to protect your child from physical harm. What parent would permit their toddler to play in the street or be near a swimming pool without constant supervision? Concerned  parents teach children how to deal effectively with reality.

Dealing constructively with reality assumes intelligence and aptitude for change. Every child within proper age range and with normal intelligence has the capacity for understanding and accepting facts pertaining of the real world. Reality becomes distorted for children and adults as they are being inundated with false information from those who appear trustworthy.

A truth to embrace is that God constantly holds us accountable for what we model to others, especially children. God gives us initiative and wisdom for making effective changes as we choose to commit our lives to him. God is faithful to forgive and cleanse from all unrighteousness when we confess and turn away from sin. This is God's reality.

Strengthening Your Integrity - Part 3

Anger is one of those emotions that makes some people want to act out in  hostile, aggressive ways. In others, anger produces withdrawal and isolation. Expressing healthy, normal anger can clear the air, articulate grievances, and establish better communications. Anger, when conveyed appropriately, can be the pathway to deeper intimacy and closeness.

Guilt, caused by inappropriate anger or by justifiable anger expressed  inappropriately, leads to damaged integrity. You can't mix integrity and guilt, just  as oil and water do not mix. Where guilt abounds, integrity suffers. As a rudder is to a ship, so integrity is to a person. Integrity keeps you on course even in the storms of life.

Integrity helps you come back from failure to reclaim God's purpose. Strengthened by God's word and the presence of Christ in you, integrity insists on confession, repentance, and forgiveness so you can do what is right to correct what is wrong. Where sin abounds, God's unmerited favor does much more abound. God's grace gives you power to change. 

Crisis and Compromise: Choosing God's Way - Part 1

Middle-aged men and women are subject to having the wind knocked out of their sails just when they should be the happiest and most content with their life's achievements. The twenty year period between ages forty and sixty produce an alarming number of divorces. What do you think could be the reason for this sense of discouragement and alienation?

Researchers refer to the emergence of a crisis of integrity. It's not unusual for a person's integrity, that personal sense of respectability and uprightness, to become fragmented and damaged. The movie Liar Liar was based on a person's agreeing not to tell a lie, even an insignificant, small lie, for twenty-four hours. Have you tried this test of integrity?

White lies and other misrepresentations of oneself diminish integrity; yet there is hope for restoring damaged integrity. The Lord Jesus Christ makes this possible through confession, repentance, and forgiveness. Jesus enables and empowers each person to choose righteousness and faith, which is a decision for healthy, positive change. 

Motivation for Change - Part 1

Guilt is a good emotion because it questions not only our actions, but also our motives and attitudes. Guilt prompts confession, repentance, and the desire to be forgiven and to forgive others. So guilt alerts us of the need to make things right with others. Guilt in some people seems to be a never-ending feeling that taunts them without pity.

Relief from guilt can begin by connecting it to a particular situation or circumstance. For example, young children love to explore everything in their environment. If a child is berated or harshly punished just for being a child, guilt begins to be absorbed into their conscience. The child feels he or she is unable to please the parents, which allows guilt to flourish.

You can choose to reject unreal guilt by drawing near to God, who through Christ Jesus heals damaged emotions and cleanses the mind of thinking you're unacceptable. Real guilt is cleansed through confession, repentance, and forgiveness. Remember these strategies when real or false guilt surfaces to make your life miserable. 

Escaping the Negatives - Part 1

Making choices for positive change ultimately includes a change of attitude. A negative attitude might include thinking of oneself as inferior, bad, and undeserving of what God provides. Jamie, an intelligent professional woman, could not escape the negative thought patterns that robbed her of the peace and joy God makes available to every believer.

A negative attitude can be pervasive and contagious. Changing a negative self-perception necessitates a careful examination of guilt and its causes. Real guilt occurs when personal and religious values are violated and disregarded. False guilt occurs when a person feels unable to please others, or takes responsibility for those who are unwilling or unable to make necessary changes for a better life.

Romans 8:1 declares, "There is now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus." 1 John 1:9 supports this truth by stating, "If we confess our sins, God faithfully forgives and cleanses us from all unrighteousness." The choice is to accept Christ Jesus and all he provides.