Feel Shame? Don't Shift the Blame

There are various of ways to pursue forgiveness. One is to seek reconciliation immediately with little thought given to the seriousness of your hurtful behavior. This approach quickly seeks to diminish anger and hurt feelings that the wounded person experienced.

The other approach is to wait patiently for the perfect time when the offended person is receptive to your appeal to be forgiven. The issue here is to prevent conflict from erupting that might cause more hurt feelings. Effective forgiveness must include a willingness to assume full responsibility for hurtful behavior without shifting blame to someone else.

Shame and guilt are diminished as seeking forgiveness focuses on making amends for what the other person endured by your offending words or behavior. It’s easy to justify hurtful behavior by blaming others, but this must be resisted. If you seek forgiveness from others in the strength of the grace and mercy God has shown you, peace that passes all understanding can be yours. Try it.  

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Turn to the Lord and pray to him, now that he is near. Let the wicked leave their way of life and change their way of thinking. Let them turn to the Lord, our God; he is merciful and quick to forgive.

~Isaiah 55:6-7 Good News Bible

In everything you do, you are kind and faithful to everyone who keeps our agreement with you. Be true to your name, Lord, by forgiving each one of my terrible sins.

~Psalm 25:10-11 Contemporary English Version

Inner Conflict? Let God Help - Part 3

Inner conflict is produced from feeling inadequate for managing life’s problems. Some problems are pushed aside if there is little urgency for resolution, but this delay or inaction may give rise to the accumulation of strife. Knowing problems exist but lacking the will to address them can produce feelings of inadequacy, failure and guilt.

          Jody, a professional businesswoman and a single mother, permitted her house get so cluttered that she felt it was impossible to clean it. She felt ashamed because her children were embarrassed to have friends over. Self-belittlement often is caused by distortion of problems and one’s inability to solve them.

When Jesus instructed his disciples and us to be perfect as God the Father is perfect, he meant that we were to progress toward maturity. In this progression toward maturity, reality is more easily accepted. Isaiah 58:9 is encouraging: “It is the Sovereign Lord who helps me, so who is he who would condemn me?” Expect God to help.  

Inner Conflict? Let God Help - Part 2

Everyone experiences inner conflict. Recently a young woman identified two conflicting voices within her head. One voice was screaming, “You’re ugly, inferior, and unlovable!” The other side countered, “You’re smart, pretty, and lovable.” When the negative voice became dominant, she felt depressed and wanted to escape the pain.

While most inner conflicts do not produce extreme turmoil, lack of self-acceptance causes grief and sadness. Inner conflict distorts the true self, prohibiting the expression of trust and love for self and others. Fear of criticism often parallels self-condemnation. Internal conflict may diminish feeling the flow of love from God and others.

Job remarked to his friends, “Even if I were innocent, my mouth would condemn me; if I were blameless, it would pronounce me guilty.” The good news for those who trust Christ Jesus as Savior and Lord is that freedom from guilt and shame exists through his forgiveness and cleansing. Restoration of souls is God’s business.

Follow God's Searchlight: Your Conscience - Part 1

God desires for each person to recognize him as supreme Creator, who graciously sent Jesus to be our Savior and Lord. He intends for us to repent of our sins and accept Jesus as Lord of our lives. God also desires for each person to live up to his or her potential for making the world a better place to live.

There are barriers that prevent us from realizing our potential and enjoying the rewards God desires to give us. Our conscience puts up roadblocks where there is unresolved guilt indicative of attitudes and choices unbecoming of a believer in God’s grace and mercy. Failure to live up to our potential indicates poverty of mind and spirit.

A relationship exists between realizing your potential and the confidence your conscience sanctions. Real confidence comes from allowing Christ Jesus to have a prominent place in your life. Then by God’s grace and mercy your conscience is free of guilt and shame, and you can live a life pleasing to God. 

Insight: God's Light for Values - Part 3

Self-respect and self-love are conjoined together to create a personal standard of conduct. Self-respect is crucial to integrity because it promotes honesty and truthfulness. Alfred Griswold, past president of Yale University, noted that "Self-respect comes to us when we realize that knowing the good, we do it; and knowing the truth, we speak it."

Self-respect develops as a person disallows guilt and shame from gaining a foothold. How are these enemies of self-respect held at bay? Immediately confess to God and others when there's been a failure to live up to your conscience and God’s word. Make things right where wrong exists. Reclaim whatever of your moral character you've given up.

A young man admitted to forsaking the values he'd obtained as a Christian to live with a beautiful young woman. Now bitter regret and sorrow occupy his day, for what he believed to be true was false. The good news is, self-respect can be reclaimed through repentance and by acceptance of God's forgiveness. God’s business is restoration and forgiveness.  

Golden Opportunities: Hard Choices - Part 3

Everyone has values for choosing how life should be lived. Jesus put our choices into perspective. "Enter by the narrow gate; for the wide is the gate and easy the way that leads to destruction, and many are those who enter it. Narrow is the gate and hard the way that leads to life and few are those who find it." What is your honest response to these words?

I asked a man in his late thirties if he could ask one thing from God, what would it be? After a long silence, he said, "A clean heart that’s been forgiven, one that absent of the guilt and shame I’ve brought on myself."

To enter the narrow gate requires examining your values. Put into perspective what's on the other side of the narrow gate that awaits you. "Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, or can the mind imagine what lies in store for those who choose to love God." God creates in us a new heart when we accept Jesus as Lord and Savior.  Will you do that?  

Feeling Afraid? Remember Your Faith in God - Part 2

There are unexpected moments in life when a good, positive memory is made that lasts forever. Some memories are so powerful they haunt us in ways that are uncomfortable or even disturbing. These we try to suppress, especially if they’re overlaid with guilt or shame or if they’re associated with anxiety, anger, or resentment.

Memories are stored in our brain like a savings account where they’re held in trust, ready to be examined or relived if a stimulant strong enough ignites and brings them to remembrance. God’s word declares, “All have sinned and fallen short of God’s glory.” Sin produces bad, negative memories, but here’s the good news. When we confess our sins and repent, we are forgiven and made right with God through faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.

When negative memories surface, confront these intruders with the fact that God dealt with them by cleansing and washing you clean through confession and forgiveness. The reality of dealing with unwanted memories from this point of view creates new memories that result in peace and joy.  

The Voice of Conscience: Turn It Back On - Part 2

Losing the battle of conscience ultimately causes prolonged suffering. A clear conscience enlightened by the presence of Christ Jesus, however, brings freedom from shame and guilt. Everyone can choose to tune out the voice of conscience and allow it to grow cold and hardened, but the freedom they're searching for is never realized.

The saddest consequence of the progressive deadening of conscience is a loss of connectedness to the Lord God and those who love you. Perdition is a strange word derived from Latin that means to throw away or lose the soul. Willfully shutting down the conscience and the voice of Christ within you can be devastating.

How long has it been since you felt connected to God or others? God sent Jesus to save you from bad choices. His purpose reaches beyond this objective. He sent Jesus to save you from eternal separation from himself, so choose to let God save you by committing your life to Christ Jesus. This is the most important decision you will ever make.