Can Showing Mercy to Oneself Be Healthy?

Most people might not think of actually exhibiting mercy to themselves. They might be defensive if they are challenged or accused of being wrong about an issue. Being caught in a mistake provides the opportunity to extend mercy to yourself.by saying, “You’re right; I was wrong. I apologize.”

Mercy extended to oneself includes seeking forgiveness from others who have been hurt by our deliberate acts of carelessness, anger, or jealousy. Granting mercy to oneself involves refusing to torture yourself because God’s loving mercy exonerates those who seek forgiveness and who make amends for their sins.

God’s mercy and forgiveness create in us an attitude of thanksgiving that helps us be willing to grant mercy to ourselves and grant mercy to others as well. What a wonderful way to begin a new day with a clean heart capable of joy and peace! God makes this possible by trusting him to love us to a depth that is sometimes difficult to understand.

   

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In the same way your light must shine before people so that they will see the good things you do and praise your Father in heaven.

~Matthew 5:16 Good News Bible

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Humility Instead of Pride

A proud and unforgiving spirit isolates us from enjoying fellowship with God and others. Our choices and behaviors are responsible for the isolation. Listen to David’s solution from Psalm 31:32. “In fear I cried, ‘I am cut off from you O God. Please  hear my cry for mercy as I call to you for help." Can you identify David’s humility before God?

When possessed by excessive pride, it’s virtually impossible to admit wrongdoing followed by apologizing and seeking forgiveness. What's amazing about Samson is that he credits himself with being strong and powerful, yet his pride prevented him from giving God credit for his success except when it couldn’t be denied.

Samson failed to possess wisdom for managing the crises in his personal life. He would not change until his foolish pride had been stripped away and he had to stand defenseless before God and others. The good news is pride can be transformed into humility. God has compassion on those who demonstrate humility and seek forgiveness.  

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The Lord doesn’t like anyone who is conceited – you can be sure they will be punished. If we truly love God, our sins will be forgiven. If we show him respect, we will keep away from sin. When we please the Lord, even our enemies make friends with us.

~Proverbs 16:5-7 Contemporary English Version

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"I'm Sorry – Please Forgive Me"

God created human beings for relationships, and this is revealed most perfectly in the family and loving friendships. From an early age children love to play and make friends. However, even toddlers will engage in conflict and consequently get their feelings hurt. Parents teach children to apologize, to say, "I'm sorry," so friendships can be restored.

Regrettably, the most damaging and unforgettable conflicts take place within the family, but even in the worst situation reconciliation is possible as those involved sincerely apologize and seek forgiveness. To fail to do so is attributed to pride, which stifles love and affection.

One feature of Samson's character was pride, which prohibited him from apologizing and seeking forgiveness. He refused to look weak and ineffective. Admitting mistakes and failures engenders respect from others. According to Psalm 31:23, "The Lord God protects the faithful but punishes the proud." Praise be to God for the wonderful love he extends to the humble in spirit.  

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The Lord is good and does what is right; he shows the proper path to those who go astray. He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way. The Lord leads with unfailing love and faithfulness all who keep his covenant and obey his demands. For the honor of our name, O Lord, forgive my many, many sins.

~Psalm 25:8-11 New Living Translation

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A Leap in the Dark

One of the most difficult features for making forgiveness a reality is seeing meaning and purpose in the suffering that was experienced. This insight creates a pathway for moving forward to discover and accept how others also suffered. Isaiah 53:3 describes Jesus as being “despised and rejected, a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief.”

It’s critically important to understand that forgiveness serves as a  bridge to healing the wounds that caused so much suffering. Transforming a desire to forgive into reality takes courage and faith. Henry David Thoreau said, "We walk consciously part way toward our goal, and then it may take a leap in the dark to secure our objective."

 

There's a timeframe when we're suspended in darkness waiting to see if forgiveness is accepted, yet it’s imperative to take the initiative to seek forgiveness regardless of the cost. The Apostle Paul states emphatically, "I want to know Christ and the fellowship of sharing his suffering."  Forgiveness is the pathway to freedom and joy. 

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When people sin, you should forgive and comfort them, so they won’t give up in despair. You should make them sure of your love for them.

~2 Corinthians 2:7-8 Contemporary English Version

For he has rescued us out of the darkness and gloom of Satan’s kingdom and brought us into the Kingdom of his dear Son, who bought our freedom with his blood and forgave us all our sins.

~Colossians 1:13-14 The Living Bible

Feel Shame? Don't Shift the Blame

There are various of ways to pursue forgiveness. One is to seek reconciliation immediately with little thought given to the seriousness of your hurtful behavior. This approach quickly seeks to diminish anger and hurt feelings that the wounded person experienced.

The other approach is to wait patiently for the perfect time when the offended person is receptive to your appeal to be forgiven. The issue here is to prevent conflict from erupting that might cause more hurt feelings. Effective forgiveness must include a willingness to assume full responsibility for hurtful behavior without shifting blame to someone else.

Shame and guilt are diminished as seeking forgiveness focuses on making amends for what the other person endured by your offending words or behavior. It’s easy to justify hurtful behavior by blaming others, but this must be resisted. If you seek forgiveness from others in the strength of the grace and mercy God has shown you, peace that passes all understanding can be yours. Try it.  

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Turn to the Lord and pray to him, now that he is near. Let the wicked leave their way of life and change their way of thinking. Let them turn to the Lord, our God; he is merciful and quick to forgive.

~Isaiah 55:6-7 Good News Bible

In everything you do, you are kind and faithful to everyone who keeps our agreement with you. Be true to your name, Lord, by forgiving each one of my terrible sins.

~Psalm 25:10-11 Contemporary English Version

Sagging Confidence & Broken Promises

Promises are made to encourage confidence in a select area of relationships. An engagement ring implies a promise is given to exclude all other possible suitors. It’s an indication the relationship is sealed and can move forward toward greater commitments. Someone wisely noted that vows made in a storm are forgotten when it’s calm again.

 

Breaking a promise that you never intended to keep is being deceptive and will ultimately rain down crises simply because it’s dishonest. It’s also being unfaithful to a higher standard of conduct and brings far more negative consequences than just being straightforward and honest. You cannot escape a broken promise in and of your own power.

 

So, what is the appropriate response to broken promises? Do all that’s within your power to clean up the mess by seeking forgiveness. Then make amends, which means doing everything possible to restore faith and confidence. Acknowledge your character weakness that allows breaking a promise to exist. Confess your sins to God and seek his forgiveness. God will honor each of these commitments.  

Golden Opportunities: Hard Choices - Part 3

Everyone has values for choosing how life should be lived. Jesus put our choices into perspective. "Enter by the narrow gate; for the wide is the gate and easy the way that leads to destruction, and many are those who enter it. Narrow is the gate and hard the way that leads to life and few are those who find it." What is your honest response to these words?

I asked a man in his late thirties if he could ask one thing from God, what would it be? After a long silence, he said, "A clean heart that’s been forgiven, one that absent of the guilt and shame I’ve brought on myself."

To enter the narrow gate requires examining your values. Put into perspective what's on the other side of the narrow gate that awaits you. "Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, or can the mind imagine what lies in store for those who choose to love God." God creates in us a new heart when we accept Jesus as Lord and Savior.  Will you do that?  

Poor Choices Produce Painful Consequences - Part 1

Everyone has stood at a crossroads and made choices they regretted. It's at this juncture where decisions may appear overwhelming. A helicopter pilot misjudged a critical situation that preventing him from rescuing a soldier who was consequently killed by enemy fire. The pilot’s self-image began to decline due to guilt for not analyzing the situation correctly.

Listen to his own condemnation. "Not a day goes by that I do not think about the soldier I let die." Compounding his torment was his refusal to share the experience with those who loved him. The only other person who knew what happened was the co-pilot of the helicopter. Secret-keeping results in self-incrimination and secret suffering.

It is possible to make amends for our poor judgment, horrible mistakes, and selfish, sinful acts against others. Jesus instruct us to go to those people and make things right, whatever is required. Where this cannot be done, confess your fallibility and sinful weaknesses to Christ Jesus. Then seek his forgiveness and comfort. This is the beginning of healing for your soul.  

Choosing at the Crossroads - Part 1

Everyone standing at a crossroads has made mistakes and chosen less than the honorable, upright way to live. Standing at a crossroads, where decisions and choices are critical, may seem overwhelming. A helicopter pilot in Vietnam was unable to rescue a soldier from a fire fight. He misjudged the situation and consequently the soldier died.

"Not a day goes by that I do not think about the soldier I let die," mourned  the pilot. Compounding his torment was his refusal to share this guilt and grief with his family. Secret-keeping results in secret suffering of self-incrimination. Crossroads experiences can be disturbing, but they need not be devastating. All humans make errors in judgment.

Jesus instructs us to make things right. Do whatever it takes to make amends for poor judgment, mistakes, and deliberate acts of anger. If this is impossible, own up to your weakness and confess it to Christ; seek forgiveness and comfort as you grieve for yourself. Tell others you're suffering, and ask God for strength and grace to endure.