What Does Forgiveness Include?

Voicing words of forgiveness to heal a relationship is a significant step in seeking reconciliation. Included are words like, “I’m sorry for the hurt and pain I caused you,” or “I regret how deeply you were offended by what I said.” Words to avoid are, “If I hurt you,” or “If I caused you pain.” Being honest and straightforward demonstrates sincerity.

Beyond words that seek forgiveness, heartfelt regret and sorrow also demonstrate sincerity. Repentance includes changing your mindset that made it possible to offend another person by saying hurtful things. True repentance leads to behaviors that build a person up.

Words verbalize what is in the heart and mind so that true repentance will allow the Lord Jesus Christ to create in you a new way of thinking, believing, and relating to others. Making amends is critical to forgiveness, so ask God to give you courage, insight, and wisdom for accomplishing these important life-changing tasks.  

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Now [repent,] change your mind and attitude to God and turn to him so he can cleanse away your sins and send you wonderful times of refreshment from the presence of the Lord.

~Acts 3:19 The Living Bible

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Can Strength of Character Save You from Retaliation?

One of life’s most demanding tasks is admitting to and apologizing for wrong and hurtful behavior. What makes it difficult is being perceived as weak and vulnerable. When a transgression has been committed against you, it takes strength of character and maturity not to retaliate.

Loose talk which portrays someone negatively elicits anger, either directly or indirectly. Loose talk is dangerous for those who have hope for a lasting, committed relationship. Listen to Proverbs 15:14: “A wise person is hungry for the truth, while a mocker feeds on trash.”

If you’ve committed a transgression against someone, take the initiative and make amends even if that person’s hurt has turned to anger and hate. Making things right is what Jesus asked you to do. Be of good courage, for the Holy Spirit will enable you to overcome the humiliation you will face. The gifts of yourself and your offerings that you now bring to God will be received and blessed.         

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[Jesus said,] “This is how I want you to conduct yourselves in these matters. If you enter your place of worship and, about to make an offering, you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you, abandon your offering, leave immediately, go to this friend and make things right. Then and only then, come back and work things out with God.”

~Matthew 5:23-24 The Message

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In Need of a New Beginning?

          

I can only imagine the mixture of feelings Joseph experienced as he faced his brothers who had abandoned him two decades earlier. Now his brothers were facing a crisis, and Joseph could save them from disaster. Joseph deliberately accused these brothers of being spies to set in motion his goal of reconciliation. 

Joseph proposed keeping Simeon, his half-brother, in custody while the others returned home to bring Benjamin, his full-brother, back to Egypt. Their response was guilt and fear. "Surely we are being punished because of our sin. Joseph pleaded for his life, but we would not listen." Unconfessed and unforgiven sin eventually evolves into a crisis. 

Although these brothers were experiencing a personal crisis, God was preparing for their redemption, reconciliation and a new beginning. This is God's way. We must do our part by repenting, seeking forgiveness and making amends for our sins. This builds a bridge for a new beginning.  Are you in need of a new beginning? Think about it.  

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The Lord sees what happens everywhere; he is watching us, whether we do good or evil.

~Proverbs 15:3 Good News Bible

And all wrongdoers will be repaid for the wrong things they do, because God judges everyone by the same standard.

~Colossians 3:25 Good News Bible

  

The people whom I dearly love, I always reprove and discipline. So keep on being earnest and once for all repent.

~Revelation 3:19 Williams – New Testament in the Language of the People

It Takes Two + Humility + Action

It’s difficult to go to someone who was offended by our behavior and seek reconciliation. It’s equally challenging to accept an apology when we’ve been offended. Doubt, lack of trust and a desire to punish are obstacles to conflict resolution. However, it takes positive character strengths to humble oneself and seek reconciliation. If humility is missing, apologies may be rejected. 

          Frustration surfaces when we to try to connect with someone to make amends if we’re ignored or misinterpreted. Consequently, when a person listens and understands our efforts to make amends, we feel affirmed and validated. Making amends requires a mutual yearning to resolve conflict.

          Specific actions communicate more effectively than words alone. Jesus said if there’s conflict between you and another person, go do what’s necessary to make things right so conflict can be resolved. This includes words and action. Then we can present ourselves to Christ Jesus for worship.

Toss That Old Baggage!

It's impossible to have conflict-free relationships. Individual differences are the root of problems which cannot be left behind upon entering a relationship. Old baggage remains a constant until we decide to deal with it. In this respect, conflict helps us reach our highest potential.

 

          When Jacob returned to his homeland, the problems he left behind were there to greet him. He was forced to make amends for the pain he inflicted on his brother. Making amends included giving gifts of his best livestock to Esau. It meant sacrificing his pride by making himself subordinate to Esau. 

          This was a genuine sacrifice for prideful Jacob, but he had only one chance to make restitution for the wrongs he had committed. He was obligated to pay back what he couldn't literally pay back, so he subjected himself to Esau's mercy and kindness. We’re in the same position with God. We can never repay Him for His kindness and mercy. However, you can offer Him a sacrifice of thanks and praise. 

A Bridge to Making Amends

The need to modify behavioral and thinking patterns is a necessity throughout each stage of life. St. Paul speaks for each of us: "When I was a child, I thought like a child, I talked like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became man, I put childish ways behind me." Childish immaturity is often responsible for creating pain and suffering as an adult.  

          Jacob was aware that if he were to be reconciled with his brother, he would have to make amends for suffering and pain he had caused Esau. Making amends would require enduring the consequences for these sinful acts of aggression committed against his brother. For Jacob this would mean committing his prideful attitude to God for redemption.

          Sacrificing pride to make amends is difficult but necessary. Jacob was willing to subject himself to humiliation and scorn so he could live life on a different level from his previous sixty years. One reward for making amends is that it pleases God and brings honor to him. 

Being a Blessing & Being Blessed

Chapters twenty-nine and thirty of Genesis list the birth order of twelve of Jacob’s thirteen children. Leah gave birth to six boys and one girl. Leah's maidservant Zilpah gave birth to two more sons while Rachel's maidservant Bilhah also had two sons. Rachel had one son she named Joseph.

The jealousy Rachel had for Leah ended with the birth of Joseph. Later Rachel would die immediately after giving birth to Benjamin. Twenty years had passed since Jacob came to live with his uncle. Now it was time to return home and make peace with his brother Esau. He knew that making amends for his deceitful dealings with his brother was a necessity.

Jacob was a source of blessing to his father-in-law by giving him thirteen grandchildren and by increasing his wealth many times over. Of course, the father-in-law wanted Jacob to stay with him because he was such a blessing. The lesson to learn from Jacob’s experience is that as you serve and bless others, God will bless you.

Sagging Confidence & Broken Promises

Promises are made to encourage confidence in a select area of relationships. An engagement ring implies a promise is given to exclude all other possible suitors. It’s an indication the relationship is sealed and can move forward toward greater commitments. Someone wisely noted that vows made in a storm are forgotten when it’s calm again.

 

Breaking a promise that you never intended to keep is being deceptive and will ultimately rain down crises simply because it’s dishonest. It’s also being unfaithful to a higher standard of conduct and brings far more negative consequences than just being straightforward and honest. You cannot escape a broken promise in and of your own power.

 

So, what is the appropriate response to broken promises? Do all that’s within your power to clean up the mess by seeking forgiveness. Then make amends, which means doing everything possible to restore faith and confidence. Acknowledge your character weakness that allows breaking a promise to exist. Confess your sins to God and seek his forgiveness. God will honor each of these commitments.