Can Strength of Character Save You from Retaliation?

One of life’s most demanding tasks is admitting to and apologizing for wrong and hurtful behavior. What makes it difficult is being perceived as weak and vulnerable. When a transgression has been committed against you, it takes strength of character and maturity not to retaliate.

Loose talk which portrays someone negatively elicits anger, either directly or indirectly. Loose talk is dangerous for those who have hope for a lasting, committed relationship. Listen to Proverbs 15:14: “A wise person is hungry for the truth, while a mocker feeds on trash.”

If you’ve committed a transgression against someone, take the initiative and make amends even if that person’s hurt has turned to anger and hate. Making things right is what Jesus asked you to do. Be of good courage, for the Holy Spirit will enable you to overcome the humiliation you will face. The gifts of yourself and your offerings that you now bring to God will be received and blessed.         

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[Jesus said,] “This is how I want you to conduct yourselves in these matters. If you enter your place of worship and, about to make an offering, you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you, abandon your offering, leave immediately, go to this friend and make things right. Then and only then, come back and work things out with God.”

~Matthew 5:23-24 The Message

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What Benefit Is There in Practicing What Is Difficult?

One of the most difficult verses in the Bible to submit to is what Jesus instructs in Matthew 5:39: “Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other cheek as well.” Receiving a slap in the face is extremely rare, so what is the broader application Jesus is trying to convey?

How should you respond to Jesus’ instructions?  First, suppress the urge to viciously retaliate. Refuse to be forced into silence by shame. Be willing to accept the truth of the criticism or insult. By owning the truth and accepting the criticism, you have, in effect, “turned the other cheek”.

What Jesus instructs in Luke 6:27 is also difficult: “Do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who mistreat you.” The value of behaving as Jesus instructs is that you grow in maturity by practicing maturity, just as you grow spiritually by putting into action your faith in Jesus Christ.  

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Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t snap back at those who say unkind things about you. Instead, pray for God’s help for them, for we are to be kind to others, and God will bless us for it.

~1 Peter 3:9 The Living Bible

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What Are the Most Common Means for Seeking Revenge?

 Have you ever been the recipient of someone’s revenge? While revenge may be too strong a word, everyone has been the target of anger. There are several ways to seek revenge other than aggressively inflicting  physical harm because that would be out of character for you.

Withholding affection and refusing to communicate are passive-aggressive means of getting even. While your spiritual and moral values prohibit you from being unfaithful in return, the pain you feel at the moment drives the need for retaliation rather than forgiveness.

So now this withdrawal of fellowship, affection, and communication is the most common reaction. It’s also a way to punish the perpetrator of your pain and sorrow, from which total recovery may seem impossible at the moment. Yet God’s word offers help: “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” This is a difficult, but necessary, first step toward forgiveness and hopefully reconciliation.  

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“Be merciful just as your Father is merciful. Do not judge others, and God will not judge you; do not condemn others, and God will not condemn you; forgive others, and God will forgive you.”  

~Luke 6:36-37 Good News Bible

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An Olive Branch Extended

Occasionally stories surface about a marriage or friendship that’s survived for years without experiencing conflict or turmoil. Differences can provoke anger and the desire to put someone in their place even when it damages that person’s self-esteem. Those experiencing such an attack may retaliate with equally offensive measures.

 

However, some people withdraw and stoically remain unwilling to negotiate an end to a silent war. Yet most people desire resolution and will offer an olive branch indicating a willingness to restore fellowship. Then there are those who desire peace and restoration, but lack courage or the skills to make it happen even when there's an open door for a resolution.

Conflict resolution must include forgiveness so peace and renewal can be achieved. As forgiveness builds the bridge to restoration, excuses for conflict are dismantled. Forgiveness allows compassion to be expressed towards those responsible for the pain and suffering. God will make a way for peace.  

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So if you are standing before the altar in the Temple, offering a sacrifice to God, and suddenly remember that a friend has something against you, leave your sacrifice there beside the altar and go and apologize and be reconciled to him, and then come and offer your sacrifice to God.

~Matthew 5:23-24 The Living Bible

So watch yourselves. If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them, and if they repent, forgive them. Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying, “I repent,” you must forgive them.

~Luke 17:3-4 New International Version

From Wind to Whirlwind

Seeking revenge is comparable to sowing the wind only to reap the whirlwind. A Filipino proverb argues, “They who sow the wind will reap the typhoon”. The compulsion to get revenge may not take into consideration the possibility of a backlash, as in sudden acts of violence being hurled back in a tit-for-tat show of strength.

 

When the sons of Jacob reacted to the rape of their sister by murdering everyone they deemed responsible, they never considered the effect it would have on their father. Jacob was overcome by fear and fled the country because he expected retaliation. He knew revenge does not remain un-revenged.

When we've been hurt, God intends for us to act with mercy. God wants us to trust him to act appropriately, which means he will do what is just, but with mercy. Sir Thomas Elliott warned that if mercy is missing in us, all other virtues will be stifled. Think about that for a minute. Jesus said, “Blessed are the merciful for they shall obtain mercy.”
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But you, O Lord, are a merciful and loving God, always patient, always kind and faithful. Turn to me and have mercy on me; strengthen me and save me...
~PSALM 86:15-16 Good News Bible