What Makes Despair So Dark and Lonely?

Anger is an emotion that can be destructive or bring about positive change. A woman explained why she had blamed her father for divorcing her mother when she was a child. As she expressed her resentments to a relative, she learned it was her mother who had pursued the divorce.

Consequently, this young woman had to reevaluate her grief and sorrow as well as her anger and distrust toward God. Psalm 88 portrays anger as being replaced by despair. “Why, O Lord, do you reject me and hide your face from me? From my youth I have been afflicted and terrified. Now I am in despair.”

Despair occurs when anger is turned inward on oneself. To counter despair, this woman must forgive her parents for their imperfections and painful decisions. Then she will discover God’s gifts of peace and love designed to bring healing to her broken heart and spirit. Ask God for his gift of forgiveness so you can give it to those who hurt you.

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Forgive us the wrongs we have done, as we forgive the wrongs others have done to us.  

~Matthew 6:12 Good News Bible

 

O, what joy for those whose disobedience is forgiven, whose sin is put out of sight! Yes, what joy for those whose record is cleared of guilt, whose lives are lived in complete honesty!

~Psalm 32:1-2 New Living Translation

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Blessed by Forgiveness – Blessed to Forgive

 One significant blessing that God extends to us is forgiveness, and yet the most difficult task we experience as human beings is forgiving others who have offended us. We often take seriously the attitude of Heinrich Heine, the sixteenth century German poet, who humorously noted, "You should forgive your enemies, but not before they've been punished or hanged."

A Japanese proverb noted, "Forgiving the unrepentant is like trying to paint a picture on the surface of water." A requirement for receiving forgiveness is letting go of pride and blame so you can be repentant before God and others.

Achieving this goal is possible only as you extend forgiveness to others. Matthew 6:15 warns, "If you refuse to forgive others their sins, your heavenly Father will not forgive your sins.” As difficult as it is to forgive, it’s the only way to achieve peace and receive God’s promise: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful to forgive us and cleanse us of all unrighteousness.” 

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And forgive us our debts (sins) as we have forgiven our debtors [letting go of both the wrong and the resentment].

~Matthew 6:12 Amplified Bible 

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Forgiveness: Choose It & Pursue It! Don't Refuse It!

Forgiveness is a choice as well as a privilege. One reason for choosing forgiveness is personal sanity and peace. Refusing forgiveness is choosing an embittered and tormented life. Internalizing anger, hurt and grief means hanging on to frustration, disappointment and bitterness that diminish the capacity for happiness.

Someone explained to me how difficult it was to let bygones be bygones. She was referring to a person she had loved and trusted, but from whom she had experienced rejection. Feelings of guilt flooded her conscience for being unable to forgive completely which left her with feelings of insecurity and the absence of peace.

Forgiveness has to be pursued by asking God to unlock every chamber of your heart and soul that may be harboring the slightest trace of resentment and hatred. Present and future happiness cannot compete with these disruptive feelings. Forgiveness depends on trustworthiness and honesty. Forgiveness provides hope for a life of peace and security. 

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Forgive us the wrongs we have done, as we forgive the wrongs that others have done to us.

~Matthew 6:12 Good News Bible

“I have told you all this so that you may find your peace in me. You will find trouble in the world – but, never lose heart, I have conquered the world!”

~John 16:33 Phillips – The New Testament in Modern English

“You didn’t choose me! I chose you! I appointed you to go and produce lovely fruit always, so that no matter what you ask for from the Father, using my name, he will give it to you. I demand that you love each other.”

~John 15:16-17 The Living Bible

Letter to Self: Let Go and Forgive!

With every personal loss, forgiveness will in some ways have to be acknowledged and addressed. Important losses may include a significant other’s deception or hurtful behavior. Everyone experiences anger, guilt and sadness that push forgiveness to the forefront for healing. Reluctance to forgive indicates the need for revenge.

Forgiveness requires emotionally letting go of a painful loss. When a relationship breaks up, the one not pursuing the separation may suffer the deepest anguish and pain. If panic and anxiety dominate, forgiveness may immediately be offered, hoping for reconciliation. If anger and hate dominate, however, forgiveness may not be forthcoming.

Some people find it impossible to let go of hope for reconciliation even after the other person is involved in a new relationship. Relinquishing this attachment feels like one's very existence is in jeopardy. Yet Jesus, the great physician, heals the brokenhearted when given the chance to do so. Forgiveness opens the door for God to heal you.  

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…The Lord has chosen me and sent me to tell the oppressed the good news, to heal the brokenhearted…The Lord has sent me to comfort those who mourn.

~Isaiah 61:1-2 Contemporary English Version

…and forgive us our sins, just as we have forgiven those who have sinned against us.

~Matthew 6:12 The Living Bible

Questioning the Quality of Forgiveness

There are some people who believe that once they have decided mentally and emotionally to forgive someone, it's a done deal. They also believe it can be accomplished with little or no communication. This approach calls into question the quality of forgiveness being offered and what state the relationship is in.

Is it credible to believe there are different qualities of forgiveness? Everyone has questioned whether someone was sincere when they were asking for or receiving forgiveness. It might appear that a person who casually asked to be forgiven had little regard for the other person's feelings. It calls into question if there was any depth of meaning to the forgiveness that was desired.

Forgiveness may appear meaningless if it doesn't show evidence to a change in attitude and action. Forgiveness must be more than an attempt to placate guilt or soothe over anger. Fortunately, God knows the depths of our intentions when we seek forgiveness from him. He extends to us perfect forgiveness because his love is perfect. 
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And forgive us our sins as we have forgiven those who sin against us.

~Matthew 6:12 Beck – New Testament in the Language of Today

There is no other God like you, O Lord; you forgive the sins of your people who have survived. You do not stay angry forever, but you take pleasure in showing us your constant love.

~Micah 7:18 Good News Bible

Critical Choices & Long-range Consequences - Part 3

Life is like time, always in transition and always moving forward rather than standing still. Yet there are circumstances that seem to contradict this reality. I read an article about a mother and father whose adult son was murdered a decade earlier. This loss was so devastating that healing had not taken place, even after a decade of grief.

Most of us may never experience such desolation, yet we will face our own crossroads experiences. Lack of vengeance does not imply forgiveness has taken place, but it gives credence to the fact that forgiveness is difficult to achieve. All of us need to be forgiven by those we've hurt just as we need to forgive those who have offended us.

Vengeance can be acted out passively by withdrawing from the offending person and internalizing the pain. God's word has two specific reminders for us. "'Vengeance is mine, I will repay,' says the Lord," and "Be angry, but do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger." Crossroads choices can bring about healing for you and others. 

Choosing at the Crossroads - Part 1

Everyone standing at a crossroads has made mistakes and chosen less than the honorable, upright way to live. Standing at a crossroads, where decisions and choices are critical, may seem overwhelming. A helicopter pilot in Vietnam was unable to rescue a soldier from a fire fight. He misjudged the situation and consequently the soldier died.

"Not a day goes by that I do not think about the soldier I let die," mourned  the pilot. Compounding his torment was his refusal to share this guilt and grief with his family. Secret-keeping results in secret suffering of self-incrimination. Crossroads experiences can be disturbing, but they need not be devastating. All humans make errors in judgment.

Jesus instructs us to make things right. Do whatever it takes to make amends for poor judgment, mistakes, and deliberate acts of anger. If this is impossible, own up to your weakness and confess it to Christ; seek forgiveness and comfort as you grieve for yourself. Tell others you're suffering, and ask God for strength and grace to endure.

Never Too Late to Change - Part 3

The parable of the prodigal son portrays a father vigilantly waiting for his lost son to come home. When this wayward son came into view, the father ran to meet him. The Living Bible tells us the father was "filled with loving pity and ran to hug and kiss his son." This father never gave up on his independent, self-indulgent, defiant son.

This father had the right to be angry and hurt. He could have said, "You're a disgrace to the family. You're not welcome here so keep on walking. I will not rescue you from the mess you've made of your life." These words would portray a father who refused to trust or forgive his son for the pain and suffering he caused.

However this man had already forgiven his son since a father's love is not dependent on whether his children are successes or failures. The father's faith never lost sight of the young man's potential, so he could encourage him to live up to that potential. God encourages us to model the father's faith and choices to forgive and renew trust.

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