How Can Anger Be Helpful?

Managing emotions is required for a person’s well-being and for healthy relationships. Frustration, anger, and fear are emotions that can be helpful and good, provided they’re expressed in ways to encourage helpful resolutions.

Mismanaged emotions are notorious for being out of control and inflicting such harm that recovery may never be forthcoming. However, negative emotions can be helpful when kept under control. God’s word tells us to be angry but not to sin nor let the sun go down on that anger.

God intended for anger to be used as a means for encouraging communication, for relating what you think and feel, but in ways that are non-offensive, that do not criticize or condemn. In this way you obey God by not letting the sun go down on your anger. While obeying this rule is difficult, it is not impossible when Christ Jesus is present.

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Praise the Lord, my soul, and do not forget how kind he is. He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases. He keeps me from the grave and blesses me with love and mercy. He fills my life with good things so that I stay young and strong like an eagle.

~Psalm 103: 2-5 Good News Bible

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How Is Anger Affected by Control Issues?

There are occasions when it seems every area of life is producing stress or anger. Stress is a common trigger for anger and builds up over a given period of time. God’s word warns against letting the sun set on anger, for tomorrow will bring new stress to be layered in on what you went to sleep with the night before.

So own up to stressful, angry feelings before closing your eyes to sleep. Sleepless nights often are caused by stress and anger internalized with no acceptable solutions. Even if sleep comes immediately, peaceful slumber may be fleeting as the mind resumes seeking solutions to the day’s stressful events.

Stress and anger can be relieved by realizing your lack of control in particular situations. Entrusting into God’s care what you can’t control is honorable. Jesus said, “Come to me all of you who are burdened down and I will give you rest.” Responding to Jesus’ call will help you continue celebrating Thanksgiving weekend.   

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This day belongs to the Lord! Let us celebrate and be glad today. …Tell the Lord how thankful you are, because he is kind and always merciful.

~Psalm 118:24,29 Contemporary English Version

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Why Is Anger Turned Inward So Unhealthy?

When asked how she expressed her anger, an elderly woman replied, “I always keep it to myself so no one is hurt.” She had made an appointment with her physician to determine the cause of persistent abdominal pain. Tests revealed she suffered from a severe ulcer in the lining of her stomach.

She told her doctor she had felt neglected by her grown children since the death of her husband. She felt abandoned and alone but was compelled to keep her anger and hurt feelings to herself. However, anger turned inward can be, and was in this case, the cause of physical and emotional suffering.

There is a better way and that is to communicate to significant others what initially hurt your feelings, that has now transformed into anger. “In your anger do not sin.” So when you are on your bed at night, search your heart for courage to be honest. Ask God for opportunities to be honest about your hurt feelings and anger. He will answer your prayer.         

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You can be sure of this: The Lord set apart the godly for himself. The Lord will answer when I call to him. Don’t sin by letting anger control you. Think [and meditate] about it overnight and remain silent.  

~Psalm 4:3-4 New Living Translation

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How Can God's Love Transform Your Mood?

 Your mood is an important indicator of what’s happening at any given moment, including your emotional disposition, your mindset, and your thought patterns. Your outlook on life, whether positive or negative, is an indicator both of your mood as well as of your attitude, which have an influence on how you choose to live your life.

Your mood is indictive of your state of mind. We know what it’s like to wake up in a grumpy, out-of-sorts mood. God evidently knew this would happen, so he commanded that we should never let the sun go down on unresolved conflict, especially a mindset involving anger.

Your mood can serve two functions. It can create distance or it can bring people closer together. A wonderful character trait of the Lord God is that he seeks you out to bring you close to himself regardless of your attitude or mood. Your mood is subject to change as you permit the transforming power and love of God to permeate your whole being. So seek the Lord your God while he may be found.  

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For to me, living means Christ, and dying means gain.

~Philippians 1:21 Williams – New Testament in the Language of the People

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Diffusing a Short Fuse

Reactive anger can be explosive or even deadly. It seems to come from out of nowhere, taking those within its range by surprise. This type of anger evolves from built-up frustrations, disappointments and hurt feelings. A person who is perpetually on guard, tense and seldom relaxed is most vulnerable to spontaneous acts of anger.

  

          An example could be a person who works in a high-pressure, intense environment with little chance for discharging the tension that builds up during long days of stress. Consider law enforcement, academics or a military situation where stress is continual. Then later in a less-threatened environment, releasing pent up anger may become commonplace.

Diffusing reactive anger is possible by thinking through what upset you emotionally and what you can change. Entrusting your situation into God’s care will help build confidence to establish control. Then gently explain your thoughts and feelings to a friend or loved one you can trust. The counselor’s office is a safe place to trust for managing anger. 

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The hotheaded do things they’ll later regret; the coldhearted get the cold shoulder.

~Proverbs 14:17 The Message

If you become angry, do not let your anger lead you into sin, and do not stay angry all day.

~Ephesians 4:26 Good News Bible

Celebrate or Excommunicate?

Have you noticed how anger can be detrimental to achieving a worthy goal? Anger has the capacity to surface with minimal prompting. The father of the prodigal son was so thankful to see his son alive that he called for an all-out celebration, proclaiming, “My son was dead but is now alive, was lost but is now found!”

The older brother would have nothing to do with the celebration. His anger was directed toward his brother for coming home alive, and he was even angrier with his father for treating this irresponsible son as a prince. Visualize the father running down the road to greet his son with hugs and kisses, then ordering a prime rib beef dinner to celebrate.

When the older brother learned of the joyful celebration, he was angry to the depths of his being. The goal of his anger was to spoil his father's joy because the father refused to disown his wayward son and excommunicate him from the family. God’s command is, “Be angry, but do not sin.” Anger always has a reason, but it may not be a good one.

Voices of Anger

Anger is not as bad an emotion as some people believe. Those persons whose anger has been terrifying and harmful certainly have the right to fear it in themselves and others. Listen, however, as Nehemiah characterizes God's anger. "You are a forgiving God, gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love." God's anger is also patient.

Our anger can be impatient, demanding and controlling. When Jacob's father-in-law Laban learned Jacob had packed up everything and left without saying goodbye, he was furious. For days he pursued Jacob before catching up. However, God warned Laban before he encountered Jacob to "Be careful not to say anything to Jacob, either good or bad." 

 Laban’s anger had not escalated into rage, so he was able to hear God's warning. God’s lesson for us is to listen to other voices rather than the voice of anger. God’s voice of patience and compassion needs to be heard to prevent anger’s voice of hurt, harm and alienation from taking control.

Critical Choices & Long-range Consequences - Part 3

Life is like time, always in transition and always moving forward rather than standing still. Yet there are circumstances that seem to contradict this reality. I read an article about a mother and father whose adult son was murdered a decade earlier. This loss was so devastating that healing had not taken place, even after a decade of grief.

Most of us may never experience such desolation, yet we will face our own crossroads experiences. Lack of vengeance does not imply forgiveness has taken place, but it gives credence to the fact that forgiveness is difficult to achieve. All of us need to be forgiven by those we've hurt just as we need to forgive those who have offended us.

Vengeance can be acted out passively by withdrawing from the offending person and internalizing the pain. God's word has two specific reminders for us. "'Vengeance is mine, I will repay,' says the Lord," and "Be angry, but do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger." Crossroads choices can bring about healing for you and others. 

Choosing at the Crossroads - Part 2

Life is progressively in transition, moving forward rather than standing still. We often find ourselves at a crossroads where pressure nudges us to make a decision to keep moving in some direction. Consider the mother and father whose adult son had been murdered. It is still devastating for them to remember, after a decade of grief, because healing may progress very slowly.

Forgiveness was extended to the killer, but discontent lingers even though the murderer received the death sentence. Forgiveness can be difficult when perpetrators refuse to seek forgiveness for the pain they've inflicted. Christians need to pursue forgiveness for having hurt others as well as to forgive those who have hurt and offended them.

Vengeance will neither satisfy nor hasten healing. God's word has specific instructions for managing revenge. First, turn it over to him. "Vengeance is mine; I will repay, says the Lord." Another directive is, "Be angry, but do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger." Life at the crossroads offers choices that can bring healing and goodness to you and others. 

Managing Anger with Integrity - Part 2

Anger can be such an uncomfortable emotion that some people pretend it doesn't exist. Anger is often disguised or hidden, rather than acknowledged, since ownership could produce devastating repercussions. Internalizing anger can generate negative symptoms such as fatigue, depression, and anxiety. Sleep deprivation and poor anger management are often related.

While anger is an inescapable emotion, are you one of those who manage anger by internalizing it? Have you tried keeping track of how many times during one day you become frustrated, angry, or get your feelings hurt? Refusing to manage anger in an acceptable way can negatively affect your integrity, your sense of self, as well as your relationships.

God intended for anger to be felt and expressed, but expressed in ways that produce healthy, positive results. At stake is your integrity, so don't justify anger or blame others. By taking responsibility for what created your anger and  confessing it to God and others, your integrity will be enhanced. You then fulfill the scripture that instructs, "Be angry, but do not sin."