Should Anger Always Progress into Conflict?

What do you think was God’s intent for creating people with the capacity to feel and express anger? Just the sound of the word ‘anger’ has negative connotations related to its intensity and persistence, and in addition, much pain and suffering have been attributed to its existence.

An elderly man refused to visit a sister he had not seen in decades. The rift was created by hurtful remarks each had made after their father’s funeral, remarks regarding the distribution of the family estate. They had permitted their anger and hurt feelings to fester into bitterness.

God never meant for anger to be a springboard for bitterness and alienation, but rather to demonstrate love and forgiveness. Anger can helps us discover the character strengths to end conflict and turmoil. Psalm 85:1 reminds us of God’s way: “You forgave the sins of your people, so your blazing anger is now ended.” That is God’s purpose for you.                           

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But now you must get rid of all these things: anger, passion, and hateful feelings. No insults or obscene talk must ever come from your lips. … Be tolerant with one another and forgive one another whenever any of you has a complaint against someone else. You must forgive one another just as the Lord has forgiven you.

~Colossians 3:8,13 Good News Bible

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Forgiveness, Love, Healing – Amazing!

 When you hear the word forgiveness, what comes to mind? It could be an image of uncontrolled anger being levied against you by someone who hates you. I've often thought how unlike Jesus we are – Jesus, who could look down from the cross and ask His heavenly Father to forgive those determined to kill him. 

A Catholic priest was arrested by the German SS during World War II for hiding allied soldiers. He looked his executioners in the eyes and told them he forgave them for the torture and death they were about to inflict upon him. Perhaps forgiveness is difficult because we think we must love those who have hurt us and consequently forgive them immediately.

Because true healing progresses slowly, the desire to forgive may also progress slowly. As forgiveness becomes a reality, you should be able to lay aside grudges and demands for punishment. Now spiritual healing has freedom to move forward. So “trust in the Lord with all your heart. Never rely on what you think you know.” Permit God to heal you.  

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God doesn’t want us to be shy with his gifts, but bold, and loving, and sensible.

~2 Timothy 1:7 The Message

Now change your mind and attitude to God and turn to him so he can cleanse away your sins and send you wonderful times of refreshment from the presence of the Lord.

~Acts 3:19 The Living Bible

Choosing at the Crossroads - Part 2

Life is progressively in transition, moving forward rather than standing still. We often find ourselves at a crossroads where pressure nudges us to make a decision to keep moving in some direction. Consider the mother and father whose adult son had been murdered. It is still devastating for them to remember, after a decade of grief, because healing may progress very slowly.

Forgiveness was extended to the killer, but discontent lingers even though the murderer received the death sentence. Forgiveness can be difficult when perpetrators refuse to seek forgiveness for the pain they've inflicted. Christians need to pursue forgiveness for having hurt others as well as to forgive those who have hurt and offended them.

Vengeance will neither satisfy nor hasten healing. God's word has specific instructions for managing revenge. First, turn it over to him. "Vengeance is mine; I will repay, says the Lord." Another directive is, "Be angry, but do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger." Life at the crossroads offers choices that can bring healing and goodness to you and others. 

Choosing Compassion and Forgiveness - Part 1

Standing up for what you believe can be a test of your faith. The older brother in the story of the prodigal son stood up for what he believed to be an unjust, unfair situation. He saw his father as having coddled his younger brother, who had been totally irresponsible to the point of disgracing the family.

This parable demonstrates how concern for others can be completely absent. The older brother lacked sympathy for his younger sibling, who through bad choices had squandered his inheritance. The older son could not muster any sympathy for his father, who loved the younger son regardless of the pain he had brought to the family.

Sympathy is expressed sorrow, felt for someone who is hurting. Empathy goes beyond sympathy. Empathy feels as others feel, thinks as they think, and accepts them as they are. With God's help, you can rise above your troubles and reach out with compassion to others who have made bad choices that affected you personally. Empathy reflects God's transforming grace.  

Melting Stone-Cold Attitudes, Ideas, and Hearts - Part 1

The last few decades of the twentieth century are referred to as the age of narcissism. Narcissism originates from Greek mythology. It's defined as lacking genuine concern for others while being preoccupied with oneself. For the narcissistic individual, looking out for "Number One" is a "number one" priority.

This attitude is embraced in the story of the prodigal son, who left home with little concern for the impact his selfish choices would have on his family. However the father's unprecedented kindness for his son, who chose to return home after squandering his inheritance, is a perfect picture of other-centeredness.

The older brother is offended when the father restores his younger brother to an honorable place within the family. Proverbs 18:19 profiles the older brother. "An offended brother is more unyielding than a fortified city. His anger shuts you out like iron bars." Compassion and forgiveness are God's attributes that are available to all who sincerely seek them.  

Jealousy or Forgiveness? It's Your Choice - Part 1

When the prodigal son returned home, his father was so happy that he ordered a celebration with music, dancing, and special food. But this was bad news for the older son, who felt angry and refused to participate. Listen to the hurt feelings he expressed to his father. "Look, all these years I've slaved for you. Yet, you never once gave me a party. But when this irresponsible son of yours shows up, you offer a fantastic family celebration."

Did the older brother have good cause for his anger? He was responsible, hard-working, and dedicated but felt his father never recognized him for his work and loyalty. Now he felt angry and threatened by the father's acceptance and forgiveness of his irresponsible, worthless brother.

What prevented the older brother from celebrating his brother's return? Perhaps he failed to understand that his father's unconditional love was not based on performance or faithfulness. This father did not love the older son less for being faithful and loyal. The father's love surpassed the bad choices of his younger son. God's love for you surpasses your bad choices.  

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Dealing Constructively with Reality - Part 1

Reality is what we believe is absolutely true. When reality is painful and difficult to face, the truth as we see it can become distorted, denied, or avoided. Some people say exactly what they think regardless of how those words hurt others. When confronted with how their words emotionally devastate others, a common response is, "I'm being myself and speaking the truth."

Dealing constructively with reality requires admitting that hurtful behaviors damage relationships. Failure to face this truth takes place when emotional damage is blamed on something other than a critical attitude. Criticism is capable of destroying trust and of making a friendship or relationship undesirable.

Caring enough to confront is risky because the capacity to change may be limited or absent. Rejection produces sadness, but can be dealt with constructively when we allow it to help us face reality and change. Jesus was consistently bombarded with criticism, but his approach was to confront the truth with love and forgiveness.