What Makes Internalized Anger Destructive?

Anger can be a driving force that seeks to correct what is wrong within a relationship and within oneself. It can be a source for destructive behavior leading to alienation. Internalized anger becomes a barrier to fellowship and intimacy by creating emotional distance. Internalized anger occurs by suppressing its expression.

Mistakes in perception create anger that can be sustained for a lifetime. The younger brother in the parable of the Prodigal Son came home needing support and help after sinking so low physically and emotionally that death was imminent. The older brother had zero tolerance for his brother’s mistakes and bad choices.

The older brother misjudged his father’s joy when his younger son returned safely home. He mistakenly perceived the father’s joy as rewarding his brother’s irresponsibility, while never having rewarded his hard work. God never overlooks sin but forgives where there is repentance and regret.                            

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If you are angry, don’t sin by nursing your grudge… – get over it quickly, for when you are angry you give a mighty foothold to the devil.

~Ephesians 4:26-27 The Living Bible

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When Is Anger Acceptable?

It’s often easier to admit making mistakes than it is to acknowledge making bad choices. It’s reasonable to assume that those making an honest mistake do not feel as guilty or defensive as someone who makes a bad choice. The Prodigal Son’s older brother mistakenly believed his younger brother would never return home.

He couldn’t imagine his father throwing a lavish party for someone so irresponsible. This is not dissimilar to Jonah’s reaction when God refused to destroy the people of Nineveh after they repented and turned to him for mercy. Jonah wanted Nineveh destroyed because they were his enemy, but God, in mercy and kindness, forgave them.

Jonah’s anger paralleled the anger of the Prodigal Son’s older brother. God asked Jonah, “Do you have the right to be angry because I show kindness and mercy?” Had he forgotten God had saved him from certain death? By remembering what God has done for you, surely thanksgiving and praise will flow for his kindness and mercy. 

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Now you must repent and turn to God so that your sins may be wiped out, that your souls may know the times of refreshment which come from the presence of the Lord.

~Acts 3:19 Phillips – New Testament in Modern English

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Redeeming Bad Choices - Part 2

The older brother in Jesus' story of the prodigal son could not accept his father's determination to integrate his wayward brother back into the family. This unglued his equilibrium to the degree that frustration, anger, and disbelief replaced the tranquility he knew when his brother was out of the picture.

The older brother had trouble accepting that his younger brother had a different personality and needed to live on the edge of discovery. Their father supported  the fact that his sons were different - one adventurous and immature, the other choosing to stay close to home and run the family business. Children need parents who respect differences and encourage them to pursue ambitions equivalent to their skills.

God's grace and mercy allow for mistakes and failure, as seen in both the younger and older sons. Unforgiven anger and unforgivable failure in ourselves or in others is the pathway to heartache and hardship. God requires that we forgive others, as he has forgiven us. This is clearly the pathway to inner peace. 

Choosing Compassion and Forgiveness - Part 3

There have always been tragic situations that God's people have to endure, while perpetrators of hurtful acts appear to escape suffering. Are laws that give criminals rights and protection, but often ignore the rights of victims, unjust? Are we too lenient on those who hurl rebellion and pride in the face of society?

The older brother saw his father coddle his younger sibling, who was irresponsible, lazy, and disloyal. The older brother's attitude concerning his younger brother was to send this slacker on down the road. Let him suffer for the pain he brought on the family. He could not bring himself to forgive either his brother or father.

We, like the older brother, have choices concerning how we behave. Anger and resentment destroy our inner peace and separate us from fellowship with God and others. Proverbs 12:15 issues a warning. "The ways of a fool seem right to him, but a wise man listens to advice." God never fails to show us the way to forgiveness and righteousness.  

Choosing Compassion and Forgiveness - Part 2

The parable of the prodigal son is interesting because it raises issues that  are familiar to everyone. It's impossible to perfectly chart a course for one's life without making a few wrong turns or occasionally stumbling into a stinking hog pen. Unwise choices and decisions often produce painful consequences.

The older son in this parable sees his father as excessively lenient on his younger brother, whom he identifies as a slacker. This older, responsible son is angry because his brother needs to face the consequences of his foolish behavior and choices rather than being coddled and indulged. Some have characterized the older brother as jealous and narcissistic in addition to being greedy.

It's possible to get so stuck in negative emotions that feelings of love and compassion are beyond reach, but this is a lonely road to travel. There is, however, deliverance and help for anyone who would respond to God's love. He unhesitatingly gave Jesus, his most prized possession, for our redemption. 

Choosing Compassion and Forgiveness - Part 1

Standing up for what you believe can be a test of your faith. The older brother in the story of the prodigal son stood up for what he believed to be an unjust, unfair situation. He saw his father as having coddled his younger brother, who had been totally irresponsible to the point of disgracing the family.

This parable demonstrates how concern for others can be completely absent. The older brother lacked sympathy for his younger sibling, who through bad choices had squandered his inheritance. The older son could not muster any sympathy for his father, who loved the younger son regardless of the pain he had brought to the family.

Sympathy is expressed sorrow, felt for someone who is hurting. Empathy goes beyond sympathy. Empathy feels as others feel, thinks as they think, and accepts them as they are. With God's help, you can rise above your troubles and reach out with compassion to others who have made bad choices that affected you personally. Empathy reflects God's transforming grace.  

Jealousy or Forgiveness? It's Your Choice - Part 1

When the prodigal son returned home, his father was so happy that he ordered a celebration with music, dancing, and special food. But this was bad news for the older son, who felt angry and refused to participate. Listen to the hurt feelings he expressed to his father. "Look, all these years I've slaved for you. Yet, you never once gave me a party. But when this irresponsible son of yours shows up, you offer a fantastic family celebration."

Did the older brother have good cause for his anger? He was responsible, hard-working, and dedicated but felt his father never recognized him for his work and loyalty. Now he felt angry and threatened by the father's acceptance and forgiveness of his irresponsible, worthless brother.

What prevented the older brother from celebrating his brother's return? Perhaps he failed to understand that his father's unconditional love was not based on performance or faithfulness. This father did not love the older son less for being faithful and loyal. The father's love surpassed the bad choices of his younger son. God's love for you surpasses your bad choices.  

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