What Makes Internalized Anger Destructive?

Anger can be a driving force that seeks to correct what is wrong within a relationship and within oneself. It can be a source for destructive behavior leading to alienation. Internalized anger becomes a barrier to fellowship and intimacy by creating emotional distance. Internalized anger occurs by suppressing its expression.

Mistakes in perception create anger that can be sustained for a lifetime. The younger brother in the parable of the Prodigal Son came home needing support and help after sinking so low physically and emotionally that death was imminent. The older brother had zero tolerance for his brother’s mistakes and bad choices.

The older brother misjudged his father’s joy when his younger son returned safely home. He mistakenly perceived the father’s joy as rewarding his brother’s irresponsibility, while never having rewarded his hard work. God never overlooks sin but forgives where there is repentance and regret.                            

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If you are angry, don’t sin by nursing your grudge… – get over it quickly, for when you are angry you give a mighty foothold to the devil.

~Ephesians 4:26-27 The Living Bible

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Dysfunctionality and God's Oil of Joy

Jacob and Esau are an interesting study because in today's analysis, this family would be characterized as dysfunctional with codependency issues. Jacob and his mother betrayed his father to steal Esau’s blessing. Conferring this blessing was a prestigious occasion. By stealing Esau’s blessing, Jacob became an executor of the estate, including power of attorney with authority over all family members.

 

Esau’s anger quickly evolved into hatred. In this turmoil Esau became homicidal. If Jacob’s mother had not intervened, Esau would have killed his brother. How do you think Esau managed to control himself with all that internalized anger and hatred just waiting to explode on Jacob?

It is unquestionable that hatred is wrong and destructive. Psalm 45:7 enlightens us. “You love righteousness and hate wickedness. Therefore, you O God have placed us above the standards and ways of this world and anointed us with the oil of joy.” God’s oil of joy calms our nerves and soul.