When IS Communication the Pathway to Understanding?

The primary cause for most fractured or broken relationships is failure of communication. This implies the significance of understanding and accepting the other person's need to share something important. Lack of understanding is often attributed to the failure to listen.

Failure to communicate is observed where every misdeed from the past is hurled at each other. In these attempts to communicate, issues become obscured by unresolved problems. Refusing to talk is to deny problems exist and eventually cause relationship failure.

If you want to be understood, communication is a necessary tool that makes it happen. Failure to communicate is the pathway to isolation, grief, and loneliness; however, God has given you a voice. Yet how you speak or if you speak is a choice God allows you to make. Sincere love and truthful communication are the means for restoring and healing a fractured or broken relationship.

    

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If I dispose of all that I possess, yes, even if I give my own body to be burned, but have no love, I achieve precisely nothing.

~1 Corinthians 13:3 Phillips – New Testament In Modern English

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What Word Best Defines Your Character?

Have you noticed how words and language tend to change with each generation? Today the word "cool" could identify a person or just about anything. Cool could refer to someone being nice or acceptable.

Like all words used to communicate, “nice” may refer to a person’s character or values, but it is possible to be fooled. I’ve heard parents explain how they mistakenly believed a friend of their son or daughter was a nice person only to find out too late the truth.

Being honest in all situations should be the objective of every believer in Christ Jesus. Ephesians 4:15 implores us to speak the truth in love – love for Jesus Christ, love for God’s Word, and love for people. 

This is the ultimate incentive for speaking the truth. This attitude demonstrates character that reflects kindness, gentleness, and self-control. Be thankful that the love of Christ Jesus abides in you.                            

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Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord God forgave you. And over these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

~Colossians 3:12-14 New International Version

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What Gives Vicious Circles So Much Power?

How would you describe a vicious circle as it applies to yourself? In the world of politics, past and present, men and women desperately have tried to win voters by promising to fix the problems in government, education, work, and society.

Promises are not easy to keep, so criticism and blame flood the media. Vicious circles become so entrenched that when effort is made to loosen their tenacious grip, it seems hopeless. Human beings seek hope even if it’s false hope based on partial truth.

Some folks grasp onto vicious circles of lying, trying to convince others a falsehood is actually truth. The problem with deception is, it alienates oneself from God and others. Deception can be replaced with truthfulness with God’s help, for “Greater is he that is in you than he who is in the world.”

Christ Jesus is the light for your life, who makes the way clear.                          

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Those who lead blameless lives and do what is right speak the truth from sincere hearts. [They] refuse to gossip or harm their neighbors or speak evil of their friends.

~Psalm 15:2-3 New Living Translation

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Speaking Truth with Love

In every attempt to communicate there is some purpose that may not be completely clear at the moment. The purpose can vary from giving and receiving critical information to just passing the time of day. We're often quick to judge the necessity of some communication because all communication is not pleasant to hear, especially criticism.

Deriving feelings of hope from words of correction is possible even when communication is difficult. Successful communication depends on the way words are spoken as much as on their purpose. It's possible for a person to be corrected and feel accepted and worthwhile if the spoken words are understood as caring rather than condemning.

So an essential principle for effective communication is to present what must be spoken factually and to the point but in a tone of voice that projects love and care. When Moses’ father-in-law spoke to him about a problem Moses had failed to see, he did it in a way that correctly described the problem while offering solutions that made sense. 

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God wants us to grow up, to know the whole truth and tell it in love – like Christ in everything.

~Ephesians 4:15 The Message

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Solid Boundaries Parallel Unwavering Forgiveness

Forgiveness that does not waver is usually anchored in solid boundaries. Setting effective boundaries may be misunderstood because more is involved than making impulsive decisions that cannot be lived up to or set aside and forgotten. The most difficult boundaries are those that ensure the continuance of a relationship.

Boundaries and forgiveness parallel each other to create stability and security for a relationship. A couple experienced turmoil over a twenty- year marriage because of infidelity. The wife seemed incapable of being satisfied with home and family. After each episode she promised to change, so her husband sidestepped the deeper issues to avoid conflict.

Refusing to set boundaries to avoid conflict created an unstable marriage. Forgiving is different from placating, overlooking and denying behavior that is unhealthy. Healthy relationships depend on forgiveness and solid boundaries grounded in love. It's appropriate to ask God for the courage to face the truth and to change. 

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Let us tell the truth with love and in every way grow up into him who is the Head – Christ.

~Ephesians 4:15 Beck – New Testament in the Language of Today

Stop lying to each other; tell the truth for we are parts of each other and when we lie to each other we are hurting ourselves. If you are angry, don’t sin by nursing your grudge. Don’t let the sun go down with you still angry – get over it quickly; for when you are angry you give a mighty foothold to the devil.  

~Ephesians 4:25-27 The Living Bible

From Fear to Faith

A grumpy, griping mood is a way to hold family, friends and foe at a distance. The reason for a bad mood may not be known to anyone, including the one displaying negative behaviors. The tendency to conceal negative thoughts may maintain privacy, but your true feelings can be communicated by your face, tone of voice and other kinds of body language.

Concealment is a consistently used method of controlling your situation, yet it’s difficult to completely hide what’s going on, regardless of what you may or may not verbalize. Alfred Lord Tennyson was aware of this when he wrote, “For words, like nature, have revealed, and half-concealed the soul within.”

Why not speak the truth with openness and honesty? Are you fearful of the consequences, or perhaps unprepared to risk the truth? God’s Word encourages us to speak the truth although we feel fearful. Honesty ultimately builds a bridge to stronger relationships, maybe not immediately, but as God’s purpose and will are accepted.

Dealing Constructively with Reality - Part 1

Reality is what we believe is absolutely true. When reality is painful and difficult to face, the truth as we see it can become distorted, denied, or avoided. Some people say exactly what they think regardless of how those words hurt others. When confronted with how their words emotionally devastate others, a common response is, "I'm being myself and speaking the truth."

Dealing constructively with reality requires admitting that hurtful behaviors damage relationships. Failure to face this truth takes place when emotional damage is blamed on something other than a critical attitude. Criticism is capable of destroying trust and of making a friendship or relationship undesirable.

Caring enough to confront is risky because the capacity to change may be limited or absent. Rejection produces sadness, but can be dealt with constructively when we allow it to help us face reality and change. Jesus was consistently bombarded with criticism, but his approach was to confront the truth with love and forgiveness.