Conflict: Deterrent or Encouragement to Change? - Part 3

Conflict can define a relationship. Conflict is about struggling for control to establish power and influence decision making. The very nature of conflict gives rise to the potential endangerment of a relationship’s safety and security. Regardless of how much individuals care for one another, disagreements can evolve into separation and alienation.

A man with custody of two young children married a woman who seemed to love and accept them. Yet he refused to let his new wife have much of a role in taking care of the children. The children, sensing their father’s protective role, refused to respond to their stepmother’s guidance, leaving her frustrated and hurt.

A change took place when the father became incapacitated, leaving the stepmother with the responsibility for the children. The father finally realized she was capable of loving and caring for his children. Trust and faith in her blossomed. When we see how God provides for our needs, faith and trust in his love and care become permanent.

Never Too Late to Change - Part 2

Come with me for a moment and visualize the scene of a wayward son returning home. Imagine the joy his father feels when he sees his strong-willed son walking toward the house and wondering what kind of reception awaits him. This father had permitted his immature son to leave home with his inheritance and dreams that would result in abysmal failure.

After talking with his son, the father detected a radical change in his son's attitude that inspired him to shout with joy, "This son of mine was dead and is alive. He was lost and is found." A man separated from his wife said he was willing to work toward reconciliation when he detected in his wife something that gave him hope for a new beginning.

Everyone is capable of dying emotionally to another person or even God when joy no longer exists in a relationship. If this is your situation, the Lord Jesus Christ is waiting and watching for your return. Jesus will eagerly receive you back as a faithful son or daughter and restore the joy of your salvation. 

Dealing Constructively with Reality - Part 1

Reality is what we believe is absolutely true. When reality is painful and difficult to face, the truth as we see it can become distorted, denied, or avoided. Some people say exactly what they think regardless of how those words hurt others. When confronted with how their words emotionally devastate others, a common response is, "I'm being myself and speaking the truth."

Dealing constructively with reality requires admitting that hurtful behaviors damage relationships. Failure to face this truth takes place when emotional damage is blamed on something other than a critical attitude. Criticism is capable of destroying trust and of making a friendship or relationship undesirable.

Caring enough to confront is risky because the capacity to change may be limited or absent. Rejection produces sadness, but can be dealt with constructively when we allow it to help us face reality and change. Jesus was consistently bombarded with criticism, but his approach was to confront the truth with love and forgiveness.  

Choosing Persons or Power: It's Up to You - Part 1

The craving for power often is provoked by a personality that needs to dominate. The desire for power also can be driven by motives designed to bring about healthy change. Power is often entrusted to those who offer hope for that change. Jesus said in Matthew 28:18, "All power is given to me in heaven and on earth". He shares that power with those dedicated to completing the task he assigns them.

The desire for power can superimpose a hostile attitude or be expressed directly in a style revealing deceptive methods that are hurtful and offensive. This approach uses crafty and cunning means to gain control. What ultimately matters is how responsible a person is in the exercise of power.

Power should be complementary in relationships in ways that strengthen the union between people. Giving power to those who are trustworthy is a choice that illustrates how God intended his people to manage their lives. Living together in peace, respect, and love is God's way.  

Power Struggles: Choose to Step Back - Part 1

Power struggles are common in relationships. Married couples sometimes fight over what seem to be insignificant matters. However on closer examination, the issue is, who rules what and how much? Grappling for position, salary, and privileges at work also is common practice. The end result can be serious conflict that damages relationships.

The father of a teenage daughter related how he became embroiled in a huge power struggle with her. Looking back, the issue that sparked the fire was minor. Some said it was basic adolescent rebellion striving for independence while others contended the father was too controlling and failed to trust her with what she was striving to obtain.

Stepping back from a power struggle permits you to consider Ephesians 3:17. "I pray that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have power to grasp how wide, long and deep is the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge." Trusting in the power of Christ's love gives you the ability to communicate with reason. This is a choice you can make.  

Choosing a New Perspective - Part 1

Being chosen to be the love of someone's life is a wonderful experience, provided the feelings are mutual. Staying in love for a lifetime is the intention of most couples. Hardships come, but usually there is a balance of joy and sorrows that most marriages can tolerate. Troubles provide opportunities to develop a deeper closeness and sustaining partnership.

Choosing isolation is not easily reversed, but with God's help and determination, change is possible. I observed a couple challenge a long-standing stalemate by being honest with each other. The alternative would have been a relationship of detached co-existence and never getting to know each other.

Choosing intimacy over isolation is choosing to live within God's design for communications that reveals your needs, your feelings and who you've become. God will empower you to live within his design as you commit to taking this step toward honesty. Jesus said, "You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free." God can heal a relationship when we're honest with him and others.