Is God Interested in Where You Fit In Socially?

It’s perfectly normal for parents to see their infants as exceptionally gifted. The family can, however, become a prime source of stress for a child when parents are inordinately focused on achievements rather than loving each child for who they are and what they are becoming.

Status-seeking is often loaded with stress, especially when parents depend on their children to fit in socially. The older a child, the more important it is that the child fits in with a particular group. Social status continues to be a source of stress due to our competitive nature. We measure up if we’re accepted into certain groups.

Yet, God’s word warns about thinking of yourself as being above others, which conveys social striving. 

Knowing that Jesus loves you and all others unconditionally should reduce this striving. God’s love compels you to love and accept others regardless of their social position. Because God loves his creation unconditionally, we are all precious in his sight. 

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[Jesus said,] “Strive to enter through the narrow door. For many, I tell you, will seek to enter and will not be able.”

~Luke 13:24  English Standard Version

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How Can You Be Available for Others to Know You?

A young man described his father as being more than adequate to meet the financial needs of the family but seldom there emotionally to spend time with him. Children of divorce can also attest to how they were affected by only seeing their parent as the divorce decree allowed.

A woman in her early twenties went into detail describing how she was only now beginning to understand her father. This came about as she chose to spend time with him as an adult. Feeling comfortable to ask him questions about his personal history and feelings, she was amazed when she discovered they had so much in common.

Obviously, it’s possible to know someone for a lifetime and still not know them personally. Can you imagine another person knowing everything about you and still loving you unconditionally? The Lord God thoroughly knows you and still accepts and loves you unconditionally. What a blessing and privilege it is to know that Jesus loves you so much he gave up his life for you.                      

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See what wonderful love the Father has bestowed on us in letting us be called God’s children, and that is what we are! This is why the world does not know what we are, because it has never come to know him.

~1 John 3:1 Williams – New Testament in the Language of the People

 

This is how we know what love is: Christ gave his life for us. We too, then, ought to give our lives for others!

~1 John 3:16 Good News Bible

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How Can Expectations Comply with Reality?

We’re not perfect enough to be continuously happy. Knowing this should prevent unrealistic expectations from being placed on oneself and others. A woman in her mid-twenties related how she canceled her engagement to a man she had dated for three years. The man could not meet her expectations as a future husband.

It’s not uncommon for those stricken with romantic love to project perfection onto the object their affection. I’m not implying that romantic love should not be part of the equation. However, it is possible to overrule the reality of imperfections in order to embrace a desired relationship.

God is always faithful in revealing the true nature and character of another person, where there is an open mind to accept what is true and factual. God sees us as we really are and still loves us unconditionally, and so I offer my thanksgiving. Expectations based on reality make happiness a greater possibility. The faithfulness of God is our greatest source for joy and peace.  

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To the person who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge, and happiness.  

~Ecclesiastes 2:26 New International Version

 

I rely on your constant love; I will be glad, because you will rescue me. I will sing to you, O Lord, because you have been good to me.

~Psalm 13:5-6 Good News Bible

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Forgiveness with No Strings Attached

Forgiveness offers immediate and forever benefits to those who pursue it. Before these benefits can be experienced, you must confront your resistance to seek or offer forgiveness. Although it's not specifically addressed, there’s a tendency to offer forgiveness with conditions or receive it with reservations. This limits the healing benefits inherent in forgiveness.

Conditional forgiveness is like conditional love. "I will love you if you behave in a way I prescribe." Conditional forgiveness translates into a predictable change in behavior and attitude that fits a personal definition for ways to behave. The hidden agenda in conditional forgiveness is maintaining control over a relationship.

Conditional forgiveness inhibits the healing process while subjecting a relationship to potential failure. When you seek God’s forgiveness, he will put away your sins and forget them for eternity. God’s love is unconditional, and his forgiveness is assured for eternity. As he has loved you, so love one another.  

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I – yes, I alone – will blot out your sins for my own sake and will never think of them again.  

~Isaiah 43:25 New Living Translation

God loves you and has chosen you as his own special people. So be gentle, kind, humble, meek, and patient. Put up with each other and forgive anyone who does you wrong.

~Colossians 3:12-13 Contemporary English Version

Playing Favorites

When Jacob returned to his homeland, he arrived with a new name that reflected an encounter with God. Rachel, the wife he dearly loved, died after giving birth to Benjamin. She had prayed for a second son, so Joseph could have a full brother. Jacob had twelve other children, so Benjamin was born when he was past sixty years of age.

However, it was Joseph, his first-born son with Rachel, who became his favorite. Genesis 37:3 explains: "Now Jacob loved Joseph more than any of his other sons because he had been born in his old age."  Favoritism exposes a special bonding between parent and child but can create resentment and hatred in the other siblings.

The negative fallout for the favored child may be a lack of maturity in relating to others. Joseph either was unable to detect the anger in his older brothers or simply flaunted his status as the favorite son. God's love is unconditional and excludes favoritism. He expects us to be a model of his character.  

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Peter fairly exploded with his good news: “It’s God’s own truth, nothing could be plainer: God plays no favorites! It makes no difference who you are or where you’re from – if you want God and are ready to do as he says, the door is open.

~ACTS 10:34-35 The Message

My brothers and sisters, believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ must not show favoritism.

~JAMES 2:1 New International Version

Playing Favorites

It’s an awesome experience to know God's unconditional love as opposed to conditional love. What’s the difference? Conditional love requires approved behavior, meaning if you perform correctly you have approval and acceptance. If you do not meet this standard then you’re out of the circle of approval.  What does unconditional love mean to you?

Unconditional love means you do not have to be perfect to be approved, but that doesn’t give you a license to sin. Unconditional love builds a bridge to the desire to resist basic impulses while encouraging mature choices. Parental favoritism eliminates unconditional love because favoritism is filled with messages of conditional love.

Jacob and Esau grew up in a divided family. Jacob was Rebekah’s favorite and Esau was Isaac’s favorite. This dynamic set the stage for family members to be in permanent conflict. Unconditional love, as much as is humanly possible, pulls the family together by building a bridge to strong bonds that last a lifetime.  

An Unhealthy Alliance

Children are astute in observing parental responses to their personalities, behaviors and giftedness. A parent may give consent to unacceptable behavior knowing it builds a bridge to trouble. This dynamic existed between Rebekah and her favorite son Jacob. It was an unhealthy alliance that permitted Jacob to trade a bowl of soup for his brother Esau’s birthright.

 

You might side with Jacob and say Esau shouldn’t have been so stupid. That trade could be compared to swapping a four-year college education for a combo meal at a fast food restaurant. Anger and remorse are emotions felt toward oneself or others after an impulsive act, but Jacob apparently didn’t feel guilt or shame for his behavior.

Before the twins’ birth, God told Rebekah Jacob would rule over Esau, so she favored Jacob, which meant her love was stronger for him. This being the case, it had to have been obvious to both boys. God prefers parents love each child equally because his love is unconditional. Let us give thanks and praise to him for this wonderful blessing. 

Golden Rule: Golden Opportunities - Part 2

In what areas of everyday life should the Golden Rule apply? "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" is one of the toughest principles of life to put into practice. Our conscience teaches us it is right, and our intellect teaches us it is necessary for peace within ourselves and peace with other human beings.

          Jesus anchors the Golden Rule to a love for God. 1 John 4:20 reminds us, "If anyone says 'I love God,' yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother cannot love God." For most of us, we hear this truth and it sounds right, but in reality, we have trouble applying it.

          What does the Golden Rule require from you? First, take it seriously. Next, do a thorough self-examination. Realize that God loves you unconditionally even with all your hidden secrets. Even when you were still in a depraved, sinful state, Jesus died on the cross for your redemption. Ask God for opportunities to practice the principles of the Golden Rule.