Is It Anger or Resentment?

It’s often difficult to distinguish anger from resentment. There are, however, distinguishing factors present in anger that separate it from resentment. Anger can be aroused instantly while resentment tends to evolve over a period of time. Resentment builds physical and emotional boundaries to restrict a person or group.

All humans will display some form of power, either aggressively or passive aggressively. God intended for everyone to possess power that’s appropriate to age and circumstances. Resentment is defined by lack of love and compassion, often coupled with the need for revenge.

If you’ve lost trust and respect for someone, ask God to help you regain that in ways that honor him. Listen to Leviticus 19:18. “Do not take revenge on others or continue to hate them, but love others as you love yourself.” Resentment diminishes when you ask God to bless others as you want God to bless you. 

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As obedient children, let yourselves be pulled into a way of life shaped by God’s life, a life energetic and blazing with holiness. God said, “I am holy; you be holy.”

~1 Peter 1:14-16 The Message

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How Difficult Is It to Trust the Anger of Others?

Maintaining an attitude of anger over an extended timeframe can be emotionally and physically costly. In addition, an angry attitude has a negative impact on those who constantly are within range of its expression. It’s difficult to trust a person who is subject to having outbursts of hostility, either verbally or physically.

Anger is costly, for it robs both the possessor and the one to whom it’s directed of the trust and intimacy necessary for a healthy relationship. Have you noticed how even pets will react with distrust and fear at the sound of an angry voice and attitude?

It’s incredibly important to discover the root of your anger. There’s a solution for anger, and that is to turn it over to God. He will do what is good and right for you and for the one to whom your anger is directed. God’s word advises, “Do not hate. Do not seek vengeance or bear a grudge, but love others.” So turn your anger over to God right now.                      

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…My strength evaporated like water on a sunny day until I finally admitted all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide them. I said to myself, “I will confess them to the Lord.” And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone.

~Psalm 32:4-5 The Living Bible

God, pick up the pieces. Put me back together again. You are my praise!

~Jeremiah 17:14 The Message

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How Can Christians Overcome the Desire for Revenge?

The desire for revenge is so powerful it can devastate the one desiring it as well as the one to whom it is directed. Reinforcing this mindset are hurt feelings that evolve into anger, which then transform into hatred. Is it possible for this mindset to be present in those who profess to be Christian?

The desire for revenge is connected to internalized grief and sorrow as well as an impaired need to regain what has been lost. Someone caught in this trap believes revenge is justifiable. When possessed by this dire need for revenge, no alternative seems to be acceptable.

This happened to Cain, who murdered his brother. Being obsessed with revenge kills tolerance and compassion for others. Leviticus 19:18 gives God’s position on revenge. “Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge, but love others as yourself, for I am the Lord God.” Ask God to bless those you hate.   

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When trials come, endure them patiently; steadfastly maintain the habit of prayer… And for those who try to make your life a misery, bless them. Don’t curse, bless.

~Romans 12:12,14 Phillips – The New Testament in Modern English 

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Vengeance: Give It Up, Turn It Over

One alternative to forgiveness is vengeance, which is an obstacle to happiness. The purpose of vengeance can be to side-step other troublesome emotions, like betrayal and hurt which are too painful to face. A person’s heart and mind may become so preoccupied with vengeance, forgiveness seems completely out of the question.

Divorce has the capacity for birthing and nurturing vengeance. Decades after a divorce, disgust and hatred still can dominate the lives of those who once loved and cherished each other. Research indicates that the emotional wounds inflicted by what caused divorce may remain raw and unhealed for years. Forgiveness counseling helps to heal these wounds.

What produces an attitude of vengeance? Vengeance is driven by the need to punish, if only in a passive-aggressive mode. The tragedy of this attitude is the influence it has on your relationship with God. Why don’t you consider giving it up by turning it over to the Lord Jesus Christ? It would please him for you to do so.  

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Do not take revenge on others or continue to hate them, but love your neighbors as you love yourself. I am the Lord.

~Leviticus 19:18 Good News Bible

My children, let us love not merely in theory or in words – let us love in sincerity and in practice!

~1 John 3:18 Phillips – The New Testament in Modern English

The Tenacious Grip of Resentment

We are reluctant to be forgiving when we assume the person who offended us doesn't deserve forgiveness. What we fail to see is that it’s to our advantage to forgive those who have wronged us, even in the most severe cases. True forgiveness unshackles us from revenge that’s driven by a compulsion to get even, either directly or passively. 

Unforgiving resentment, hurt, and fear weaken your emotional and physical health. Failing to forgive blocks your chance for happiness by creating negative attitudes that affect every aspect of life. Forcing yourself to be kind and giving toward the person who offended you will diminish the tenacious grip of resentment.

When you make the decision to forgive regardless of what it takes to achieve it, be ready for setbacks. Don't give up and become discouraged. As forgiveness becomes a reality, you will begin to experience a higher quality of life, both spiritually and mentally. Your behavior will please God and he will reward you for obeying Him.  

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Do not take revenge on others or continue to hate them, but love your neighbors as you love yourself. I am the Lord.

~Leviticus 19:18 Good News Bible

Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the Lord.

~Romans 12:17-19 New Living Translation