Criticism and fault-finding are unproductive methods of persuading someone to change behaviors that are hurtful and emotionally damaging. Yet this strategy is often the one used in attempting to change another person. In adult and family relationships the fault-finder believes it’s appropriate to use this strategy.
Criticism and fault-finding are unhealthy behaviors capable of ruining a relationship, so it’s important to search for ways to be nurturing. What has proven to be successful in achieving this task is adopting behaviors and language that build up rather than tear down a person’s character.
If you immediately feel resistance to this recommendation, listen to God’s proposal from Colossians 3: “Rid yourselves of the anger, rage, malice and slander,” and “Forgive whatever grievance you have against another person.” Forgiveness opens the door to being nurturing, which builds up your character and the other person’s as well. This is God’s way.
___________
Do not use harmful words, but only helpful words, the
kind that build up and provide what is needed, so that what you say will do
good to those who hear you.
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