Can a Person Be Nice but Be Unhappy?

Is it possible to be nice but unhappy? The answer depends on what you expect from others. Someone relayed how a friend never returned favors or offered help when it was needed. Is there a point where being nice involves acting irresponsibly?

Most people believe if they’re nice, a positive return will be forthcoming and if not, then acts of generosity will be discontinued. However resisting the impulse to be nice may consequently cause guilt, shame, and sadness to surface.

But are you being unkind or sinful by refusing to be nice to someone who sees it as a weakness? Are there times when saying “no” is appropriate? The Good News Bible in Ephesians 4:29 advises you “not to use harmful words but only helpful words, the kind that build up and provide what is needed, so that what you say will do good to those who hear you.” 

Do your best to be compassionate, and imitate the Lord God.                       

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People may be pure in their own eyes, but the Lord examines their motives.

~Proverbs 16:2 New Living Translation

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What Helps Diminish a Critical Attitude?

Criticism’s objective is to identify a person’s faults that must be changed to satisfy the criticizer. Criticism becomes domestic abuse when words or physical actions diminish the fragile self of another person. Criticism damages trust, which is required for safety and security to exist in relationships.

All human beings, regardless of age or gender, possess a vulnerable self-image. One purpose of criticism is to cover up inadequacies in the criticizer. The emotional position of the criticizer is to focus on another person’s faults in an attempt to conceal their own inadequacies.

If you are given to being critical of others, ask yourself, what are my weaknesses and faults that have hung on like a dark shadow? Having a critical attitude is not God’s purpose for you. Instead, he desires for you to bless and not curse. A critical attitude diminishes as you see yourself and others as precious in God’s sight. 

     

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Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths but only such as is good for building up, as it fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

~Ephesians 4:29 English Standard Version

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Do Criticism and Fault-finding Work?

Criticism and fault-finding are unproductive methods of persuading someone to change behaviors that are hurtful and emotionally damaging. Yet this strategy is often the one used in attempting to change another person. In adult and family relationships the fault-finder believes it’s appropriate to use this strategy.

Criticism and fault-finding are unhealthy behaviors capable of ruining a relationship, so it’s important to search for ways to be nurturing. What has proven to be successful in achieving this task is adopting behaviors and language that build up rather than tear down a person’s character.

If you immediately feel resistance to this recommendation, listen to God’s proposal from Colossians 3: “Rid yourselves of the anger, rage, malice and slander,” and “Forgive whatever grievance you have against another person.” Forgiveness opens the door to being nurturing, which builds up your character and the other person’s as well. This is God’s way.   

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Do not use harmful words, but only helpful words, the kind that build up and provide what is needed, so that what you say will do good to those who hear you.

~Ephesians 4:29 Good News Bible

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Uplifting Communication

The majority of couples considering becoming parents do so with a sense of joy and awe if not with some measure of anxiety. Most prospective parents feel compelled to produce grandchildren, believing it will bring pleasure to themselves and the prospective grandparents. Children hopefully provide opportunities for enriched communications between parents and grandparents.

God intended for communication to be pleasing and uplifting. When communication is activated with this attitude, new parents are often willing to receive help and correction. Proverbs 27:6 offers this reminder: "Wounds from a friend are better than kisses from an enemy." Maliciously inflicting suffering is not the intent of this proverb.

As we understand that Jesus was wounded for our transgressions, we have to ask, "What am I willing to do with the life that God has given me?" The answer to this question can be revealed in communication with the Lord God. This is the means for clarifying our identity and discovering our purpose for being created.

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Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

~Ephesians 4:29 New International Version

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Credibility – Essential for Effective Communication

Credibility is an essential principle for effective communication and is dependent on three basic components. First, what is spoken must be rational and believable. The second component of credibility is integrity and honesty, for these are not only interwoven into the spoken language but also obviously seen in the person’s behavior.

A third component of credibility is demonstrated by the willingness to be held accountable whenever failure is experienced. The importance of revealing temptations to a trusted accountability partner is apparent. Exposing temptations diminishes their power while giving us credibility not only as a person but also as a believer.

The Apostle Paul tells us to "make sure your conversations are full of grace” for then they reflect the character of Christ Jesus. Listen to Ephesians 4:29: “Let there be no more foul language, but only good words suitable for the occasion which God can use to help other people.” This is laying up treasures in heaven.  

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What this adds up to, then, is this: no more lies, no more pretense. Tell your neighbor the truth. In Christ’s body we’re all connected to each other, after all. When you lie to others, you end up lying to yourself.

~Ephesians 4:25 The Message

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Need to Move Forward?

Forgiveness is a bridge builder to peace and a sense of joy. Without forgiveness, feelings of security essential to healthy relationships would be fleeting. The Apostle Paul teaches that the primary focus of forgiveness is reconciliation, a key component to fellowship with God and others.

A strong, unwavering desire to correct wrong behavior provides assurance that forgiveness is an honest, worthy objective. Desire for forgiveness has to be the basic primary motivation for seeking reconciliation, which means fellowship without shame and guilt. Desire, for some, is equated with a determination to reach a specific goal.

The desire for genuine forgiveness is made possible by believing an offender is beloved of God and worthy of kindness and goodness. We're all equal in terms of our inherent worth before God. St. Paul makes it clear that "there is none righteous...for all have sinned," and yet God joyfully forgives us. Please apply this truth to yourself and others.  

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With all my heart I praise the Lord! I will never forget how kind he has been. The Lord forgives our sins, heals us when we are sick, and protects us from death. His kindness and love are a crown on our heads.

~Psalm 103:2-4 Contemporary English Version

All people have disobeyed God, and that’s why he treats them as prisoners. But he does this, so that he can have mercy on all of them.

~Romans 11:32 Contemporary English Version

Do not use harmful words, but only helpful words, the kind that build up and provide what is needed, so that what you say will do good to those who hear you.

~Ephesians 4:29 Good News Bible