The Communication Bond

From infancy onward communication becomes the link for bonding with one’s parents, siblings, and significant others. The touch of a mother's hand, her soothing voice, and the way she responds when her baby cries communicate that love and acceptance are a priority. Communication is a major bonding force at every stage of life.

The toddler stage has been dubbed the "terrible two’s" because of defiance associated with the child’s first critical step toward independence. This struggle towards independence is aided by the ability to communicate with words like "no" and "mine". The toddler operates under the assumptions that "All I have is mine,” and “All you have is mine."

This mindset may continue into adulthood, which blocks the creative means for bonding. God communicated that, instead, we are to love others as we love ourselves, which is made possible by loving God with our total being.  Loving God this way creates a spirit of generosity that enhances bonding and communications.  

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Jesus said, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.’ This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: ‘Love others as well as you love yourself.’ These two commands are pegs; everything in God’s Law and the Prophets hangs from them.”

~Matthew 22:37-40 The Message

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Allow Your Conscience to Accuse or Excuse - Part 2

I overheard a young person express with exasperation, “Why should I follow my conscience? I’d never have fun. What difference does it make? I’d be bored to death and no one would notice I exist.” Even if we deny the existence of our conscience, it still functions and implores us to do what is right, regardless of the outcome.

We may tell our conscience, “Be quiet! Shut up!” Yet there is still an awareness and knowledge that we should behave in accordance with the guidelines of the conscience. C. S. Lewis in his book Mere Christianity explains that being aware of the conscience is not enough to keep us from disregarding it.

Jesus said, “If you love me, you will keep my commands.” 1 John 5:3 confirms that loving God means doing what he tells us to do even though it may be difficult.” Isn’t it interesting that loving Jesus parallels appropriate, godly conduct? Love for Christ Jesus, love for others and love for self inspire compliance with what the conscience requires. 

Integrity Guards Self-Respect - Part 1

Self-love and self-respect have nothing in common with self-righteousness. I can understand how these concepts get confusing for some people, even devout Christians. The Bible warns of thinking too highly of oneself because it makes us vulnerable to failure. The goal of self-righteousness is to deceive. It gives the impression we’re above the rules of society.

Thomas Adams said, "Self-righteousness is the devil's masterpiece. It persuades us to think too highly of ourselves." However, healthy self-esteem parallels self-respect and self-love, which are companions to the commandments to love God with your entire being and your neighbor as yourself.

Jesus modeled for us self-respect and self-love by consistently putting himself into the role of a servant even though his righteousness was on the same level as God the Father. Appropriate self-respect and self-love reach out to others and are the building blocks for establishing values for a happier, healthier, contented life.

Imagine the Possibilities: Take Action - Part 2

The issue of self-esteem has been a popular subject of numerous books and magazine articles. Self-esteem is related to the way you view yourself, what you think of yourself in relationship to the world, your perception of other people and what you think they think of you. Self-esteem is inseparable from your identity.

Your identity and purpose punctuate your uniqueness. The Apostle Paul instructed the church at Rome to be clothed, to put on Jesus Christ. To embrace Christ Jesus is a choice which assimilates all you are with the attributes and attitude of Christ Jesus himself. Amazingly, God gives you faith and righteousness when you accept Jesus as Lord of your life.

As you realize how gracious God is, it generates a yearning to love Him with all your heart and to love others as yourself. It is possible to love yourself as a child of God whose identity intersects with the righteousness of God. Though difficult to actualize such a choice, this privilege is made possible by God’s grace and mercy.

Open Minds and New Ways - Part 2

“Loving God with all your heart, soul and mind” is not something most people continuously think about.  Neither does “loving your neighbor as yourself” always get prime time consideration.  This does not mean these values are missing from your life, but they should be the most important guidelines for everyday living.

Rarely does a day go by without encountering situations which require asking questions like: "What should I do?" "How should this problem be resolved?” "How should I live my life?" "Is there hope?" At the core of such questions lie the heart and soul of a person's value system. Values define what actions need to be taken.

Life does not always present a clear way forward and may require clearing away some wreckage and chaos so wiser choices can be made. Listen to a choice Jesus extends to you. "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." It’s this light that empowers you to make choices to honor and follow Christ Jesus.  

Open Minds and New Ways - Part 1

Tolerance does not come easy for some folks. In fact, tolerance may require total transformation by God’s redemption. An indication of spiritual transformation signals a change from being an enemy of God to becoming his friend. This makes way for developing new values that are compatible with God's values.

God's transforming power replaces a closed-minded attitude with an open mind that includes God’s love and purpose for ourselves and others. What seemed hopeless becomes possible because with God’s gift of tolerance we have peace and a developing attitude of confidence. Peace produces compatibility with God and a partnership with him to do his work in the world.

Tolerance gives evidence of a deepening love for God, a healthy love for others and an adequate love for self. It also produces a framework of personal conduct that affects the lives of others and encourages them to enter the Kingdom of God through faith in Christ Jesus. Sounds challenging, but exciting. 

Values: Boundary Markers for Living - Part 3

The idea that God is interested in you may be difficult to believe and accept. He not only has an interest in his creation, but he pursues you for his purpose so your days on the earth will be worthwhile. What does he ask in return? To love him with all your heart, soul and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself.

This command is not easy because it requires identifying and analyzing your values. Someone told me her priorities were her career first, then family, her social life, and finally God. Then she was diagnosed with a life-threatening disease. Confined to convalescence for an extended time, she was forced to rethink her purpose and goals for her life.

Identifying and analyzing your values may result in life-changing decisions. That God is interested in you and will pursue you is validated by Jesus' words, "I have come that you might have life and have it abundantly." To accept that God is interested in you may require rearranging your values to include his love and purpose for you.  

Values: Boundary Markers for Living - Part 1

Ernest Hemingway won the Pulitzer Prize and the Nobel Prize for Literature yet found it difficult at times to write a significant beginning sentence that portrayed a truth. While Hemingway is considered to have been a true American literary genius, his value system brought him intense pain and suffering which resulted in his eventual suicide.

Hemingway continuously sought to prove himself through his famous African safaris, his drinking ability, sportsmanship, and exploits with women, but discovered that permanent peace did not exist for him. A Quaker proverb addresses caring for and loving yourself. "It is true that each person has integrity that can be damaged and diminished by choices that person makes."

Your integrity is intricately connected to your value system, so your values either strengthen or weaken your integrity. Jesus posited a blueprint for guarding your integrity. "Love the Lord God with your whole being and your neighbor as yourself." "Do to others as you would have them do to you" is a choice God will bless while strengthening your integrity.