What Helps Us Remain Calm when Troubles Abound?

Most people are aware of how destructive a powerful storm can be when it disrupts a sense of well-being. What also amazes us is how calm we can feel when, in faith, we trust that the Holy Spirit is present to guide us through the storm.

Keeping calm in the presence of a relationship storm demonstrates assurance God will be available to resolve troubling issues.

Being calm is important for keeping anger and fear at bay so each person’s needs will be expressed and adequately communicated.

Refusing to participate in hostile accusations aids in remaining calm. What can become a positive defining moment in an emotional storm is remembering God’s words from Proverbs 17:27: “A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered.” Knowledge and understanding are key to remaining calm in the chaos of a storm. So let the peace of Christ in this Holy season rule within you.                 

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Stay away from stupid and senseless arguments. These only lead to trouble, and God’s servants must not be troublemakers. They must be kind to everyone, and they must be good teachers and very patient. 

~2 Timothy 2: 23-24 Contemporary English Version

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How Is God at Work to Heal Relationships?

After a major disagreement most individuals need time to think through what caused the conflict. It’s important to understand and accept each person’s responsibility for initiating an argument. Owning up to selfishness is not being weak but rather is demonstrating strength of character.

A defining moment occurs when a change in communication style improves how conflict is managed. Insight doesn’t usually come from hostile exchanges of accusations. Insight comes afterwards when there is silence, if it comes at all.

A pivotal moment can come by realizing God is at work to heal each person. 

He gives wisdom and understanding to those who will use it so a relationship can heal and peace can be restored. The Good News Bible in Proverbs 17:27 reminds us that “people who remain calm have real insight.” A calming presence is sometimes difficult, but necessary for successful problem solving.  

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Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant. Love does not envy; it does not boast, it Is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keep no record of wrongs. Love do not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth.

~1 Corinthians 13:4-6 New American Standard Bible/New International Version 

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To Avoid Heated Conflict, Keep Words Cool

Even in the closest relationships, disagreements are impossible to avoid – and even when people are of similar temperament and personality. Some individuals keep their opinions to themselves to avoid conflict and keep peace. Yet most people feel compelled to refute what they do not agree with by arguing or by presenting evidence to the contrary.

Because disagreements are normal, healthy families and couples usually agree upon some basic rules for communicating under difficult conditions. One helpful rule is to maintain personal integrity by refusing to digress into inappropriate language and shouting matches.

Patience is a fruit of the Spirit and necessary for preserving personal integrity in the search for solutions to conflicts. Defending integrity is vital to effective communication. Listen to Proverbs 11:3: “The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity.” Permit the presence of the Lord God to be your guide.  

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Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding.

~Proverbs 17:27 English Standard Version

 

It’s a mark of good character to avoid quarrels; but fools love to pick fights.

~Proverbs 20:3 The Message

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Listening for Unity

What would you say is the primary purpose for communications? If you say to give or receive information or to clarify issues, you would be basically right. Communication is designed to help people understand what is needed to accomplish a task. It is important to listen thoroughly so there can be unity of thought and purpose.

Failing to listen by jumping to conclusions sabotages purpose and unity. Since each person may differ in willingness to hear information, it’s possible for there to be variations in what is understood, which then sets the stage for conflict. Prematurely coming to judgment with limited information causes disunity and turmoil. 

Listening to understand may mean delaying obvious conclusions. Active listening includes realizing the importance of words and feelings, for both give meaning and purpose to communication. Jesus scolded people for having perfectly good ears but still being unable to hear. So listen to identify feelings as well as the spoken word. 

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The one who gives an answer before he listens – this is foolishness and disgrace for him.

~ Proverbs 18:13 Holman Christian Standard Bible

 

And beyond all these things put on love, which is the prefect bond of unity.

~Colossians 3:14 New American Standard Bible

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Compassionate Listening

The main purpose of straight talk as a communication tool is to share what’s important even when it may seem trivial. Every person has been guilty of marginally listening to someone who needs to share what they think or feel. Failure to experience the compassionate listening of another person accounts for some people concealing their thoughts and feelings.

Each person must feel assured they can share what’s inside of them without fear of reprisal or criticism. A sense of safety is required for revealing what is hidden in the heart and soul. Know that it takes discipline and self-control to listen, but the reward is gaining trust and love from the one who wants you to listen.

Listening with the intent to understand demands patience but conveys a sense of importance for the one who is speaking. The rewards are declared in an old Swedish proverb: “As we share our joys, they are doubled. As we share our sorrows, they are halved”. For this privilege of sharing who we are with special people, we give thanks to you, Christ Jesus.

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The one who knows much says little; 

an understanding person remains calm.

~Proverbs 17:27 The Message

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