Is It Possible to Overcome Betrayal?

A transgression occurs when a code of conduct has been violated or dishonored. A typical response is disbelief, especially in a close, trusting relationship such as a marriage or friendship. Anger in most instances follows disbelief when a transgression is intended to hurt and do damage.

Middle schoolers are notorious for instantly changing friendships and portraying a previous friend in the worst way. An offense that activates revenge doesn’t always include physical violence but can include words loaded with pain that can endure for a lifetime.

Vengeful behavior is common in divorce proceedings or in situations where betrayal made divorce imminent. The most difficult response to follow is Proverbs 19:11: “A wise person refrains from anger and overlooks insults.” If you’re guilty of betrayal, do what is right and thoroughly confess, which demonstrates humility. Then sincerely apologize.  

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Oh, come back to God. Live by the principles of love and justice, and always be expecting much from him, your God.

~Hosea 12:6 The Living Bible 

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Accept God's Wisdom

When the virtues of patience and wisdom are absent in a person’s character, one bad choice paves the way for another. It’s comparable to impulsively lying and then attempting to cover up the lie with more deceit. When a relationship becomes saturated with distrust, healthy intimacy becomes nonexistent.

It appears patience and wisdom were absent in Samson’s character, which paved the way for making one bad choice after another while trying to stay ahead of disaster. When he set fire to his neighbor’s fields as a means of showing revenge, these men came looking for him to even the score. They killed his former wife and her father by burning down their house.

These tragedies were preventable had Samson asked God for wisdom and then patiently waited to receive it. Listen to Proverbs 19:11. “It’s wise to be patient and show who you are by forgiving others.” If you’re in a cycle of making bad choices, ask God for wisdom, patience and understanding. Then wait for God to answer.  

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To be wise you must first have reverence for the Lord. If you know the Holy One, you have understanding. Wisdom will add years to your life. You are the one who will profit if you have wisdom, and if you reject it, you are the one who will suffer.

~Proverbs 9:10-12 Good News Bible

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Uniting Patience with Wisdom

When living in an evolving, changing world, it's not easy to be patient. Lack of patience is credited with overreacting to minor issues. Boundaries of tolerance tend to fail as anxiety and worry increase. The more difficult it is to cope with life’s transitions, the more we need godly wisdom to flourish and survive.

Samson consistently came up short on patience and wisdom, which was responsible for his making unfortunate choices. Samson chose revenge for managing the crises he brought on himself. In his book, The Soul’s Natural Food, Jacob Anatoli declares that “wisdom cannot enter into the malicious heart."

 Patience and wisdom conjoined together make it possible to look at life’s joys and sorrows from God’s perspective. To receive wisdom, earnestly ask God for it. Commit to studying God's word so you can apply its wisdom to your life. Share what you learn to build confidence in God’s calling on your life. May God bless and strengthen you with patience and wisdom today. 

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 A wise man patiently restrains his anger and overlooks insults. This is to his credit.

~Proverbs 19:11 The Living Bible

 

The way to become wise is to honor the Lord; he gives sound judgment in all who obey his commands. He is to be praised forever.

~Psalm 111:10 Good News Bible

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Avoid "Joy Stealers"

An outstanding attribute of a person’s identity is choosing to be a giver of joy. Do you consider yourself a “joy giver”? If not, giving joy could be an objective you begin to practice for the benefit of others and for yourself as well. To achieve this goal, confront any attitude that holds others at an emotional distance making joy-giving impossible.

 

Joy and a critical attitude are incompatible. To give joy, banish any semblance of criticism and negativity from your thoughts and feelings. These are “joy stealers”. Keep joy consistently in your thoughts by sharing it with others as opportunities arise. A rose isn’t an expression of love until it’s given with love.

Refuse to be preoccupied with resentment. Instead, present these thoughts and feelings to Christ Jesus, and he will empower you with enough grace to love others regardless of their offense. To increase your feelings of joy, continually express thanksgiving for what God has provided. Rejoice always in the love and mercy of Christ Jesus.  

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Don’t criticize and speak evil about each other, dear brothers [and sisters]. If you do, you will be fighting against God’s law of loving one another, declaring it is wrong. But your job is not to decide whether this law is right or wrong, but to obey it.

~James 4:11 The Living Bible

Work at living in peace with everyone, and work at living a holy life, for those who are not holy will not see the Lord. Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.

~Hebrews 12:14-15 New Living Translation

It is wise to be patient and show what you are like by forgiving others.

~Proverbs 19:11 Contemporary English Version

Erupting Anger? God Gives Self-Control

Reactive anger is linked to the threat of losing control. As we live in a world defined by stress, becoming edgy is commonplace. Anything that has the appearance of disrupting a fragile sense of control is capable of bringing reactive anger to the surface. A hurried lifestyle where stress abounds infuses a person with frustration. 

The short fuse of reactive anger may override rational thinking and permit self-control to vanish. Living in a high-tech world that promises to make life simple seems to be an illusion. It’s ironic that the more conveniences our world offers, the more pervasive anger and frustrations become. 

Keeping centered on God’s purpose for you takes strength and courage. Proverbs 15:1 gives us a model for responding to reactive anger: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger”. It is the power of God within you that gives you self-control whether reacting to anger within yourself or responding to anger in others.  

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But now you also, put them all aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive speech from your mouth.

~Colossians 3:8 New American Standard Bible

Fools have short fuses and explode all too quickly; the prudent quietly shrug off insults.

~Proverbs 12:16 The Message

If you are sensible, you will control your temper. When someone wrongs you, it is a great virtue to ignore it.

~Proverbs 19:11 Good News Bible

Build a Bridge to Tolerance

Intolerance is a human trait that affects everyone at some level and can be so complex as to make a minor noise appear like a major disturbance. Recently, I was having lunch with friends when the noise level made it impossible to communicate. We can develop intolerance for a person or for situations that don’t meet our needs.

The French philosopher Voltaire wrote in 1764, "Tolerance is the prerogative of humanity. We are all steeped in weaknesses so let us forgive one another's follies. This is the first law of nature." Forgiveness is the willingness to accept another person’s differences with compassion and love. Forgiveness builds a bridge to tolerance.

The apostle Paul cried out to God, "O wretched man that I am. Who shall deliver me from this body of sin and death?" He positioned himself before God this way while actively carrying out the Lord’s command to evangelize the world. Paul’s deliverance, restoration and forgiveness came through faith in Jesus Christ.  

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It’s wise to be patient and show what you are like by forgiving others.

~Proverbs 19:11 Contemporary English Version

You are the people of God; he loved you and chose you for his own. So then, you must clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Be tolerant with one another and forgive one another whenever any of you has a complaint against someone else. You must forgive one another just as the Lord has forgiven you. And to all these qualities add love, which binds all things together in perfect unity.

~Colossians 3:12-14 Good News Bible

Three Basic Pillars for Enduring Relationships

Most relationships cannot sustain perfect peace and harmony indefinitely. Conflicts in varying degrees of intensity are responsible for breakdowns in trust which create emotional distance. Most conflicts are worked out through sincere communication that includes apologizing for hurtful behavior and words.

 

          Healthy relationships depend on three basic pillars of strength. The first is love. Equally important are respect and trust. Respect is connected to a person's belief system and values for living. Trust is built on a person’s actual healthy behavior. In the early stage of a relationship trust is given if there is no reason to distrust.

          Restoring a broken relationship depends on rebuilding trust, but impatience must be controlled. Proverbs 19:11 teaches “a man's wisdom gives him patience and it’s to his glory to overlook or forgive an offense.” God is the giver of wisdom, so pray for wisdom and patience as you’re given time to rebuild trust.