Stop Vindictiveness in its Tracks

Vindictiveness evolves when conflict lingers on indefinitely as a consequence of refusing to consider other people’s ideas and feelings. A vindictive attitude seeks to punish anyone who is perceived as an enemy. An enemy could be a person who disagrees or who is out of step with another person’s goals and ambitions.    

When conflict dominates a relationship, distress may eventually evolve into vindictiveness. The longer conflict exists, the more it fuels the fire of vindictiveness, which can diminish any appearance of love and compassion for significant others. Vindictiveness has the power to prolong a stubborn, self-willed attitude that perpetuates conflict.

An attitude of vindictiveness can be healed by making a concerted effort to listen and understand another’s point of view. Proverbs 3:13 states: "Blessed is the man who finds wisdom and who gains understanding.” This is also a step to forgiveness and a possible new beginning. Is this your desire?  

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Hatred stirs up trouble; love overlooks the wrongs that others do.

~Proverbs 10:12 Contemporary English Version

This love of which I speak is slow to lose patience – it looks for a way of being constructive. It is not possessive: it is neither anxious to impress nor does it cherish inflated ideas of its own importance.

Love has good manners and does not pursue selfish advantage. It is not touchy. It does not keep account of evil or gloat over the wickedness of other people. On the contrary, it shares the joy of those who live by the truth.

Love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope; it can outlast anything. Love never fails.

~1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Phillips – New Testament in Modern English

Conflict: A Door to EITHER Healing OR Hurt

It's impossible to escape conflict, no matter how hard you try. It's an uphill battle convincing yourself that conflict is a normal part of day-to-day life. Conflict creates tension and anxiety when it’s perpetually at your doorstep. Conflict has the potential for prompting opposite responses.

It's possible for conflict to open the door either to understanding and more effective communication or to hurt feelings and vindictiveness. A couple's parenting style may be radically different, with the father being easier going and permissive and the mother following a structured, rules-oriented parenting style. Of course the children may favor the father’s approach.

Differences in parenting techniques may produce power struggles that cause children to suffer from anxiety and guilt. These struggles often produce mutual vindictive attitudes and acts of retaliation. Differences can be negotiated when two people are willing to let down their guards to see the value in each other's ideas. This is a step to forgiveness that the Lord God will certainly bless.  

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“Do not bear a grudge against others, but settle your differences with them, so that you will not commit a sin because of them.”

~Leviticus 19:17 Good News Bible

And do not neglect doing good and sharing; for with such sacrifices God is pleased.

~Hebrews 13:16 Williams – New Testament in the Language of the People