Manage Conflict: Commit to Engage and Change - Part 2

Couples get married believing they will live happily forever. When fantasy collides with reality, disillusionment can lead to despair. Disillusionment is created by failing to know and correctly understand another person. Couples ignore differences in each other's belief systems and personalities so that negotiating real differences will be based solely on each other's integrity and willingness to change to save the relationship.

The first wife of the architect Frank Lloyd Wright as well as his six children  gave up on him because he was unavailable, unengaged, and aloof. He had a type of resilience and hardness of character that made it impossible for him to be warm, loving, and involved as a father and husband.

Peter had a presumptuousness that had to be confronted. Jesus asked him: "Are you more than a friend? Do you love me unconditionally? Are you willing to step outside of your protective walls so you can love me completely?" Will you let Jesus choose you for his service?

Manage Conflict: Commit to Engage and Change - Part 1

A young man and woman in their late twenties, engaged to be married, decided to seek counseling before setting the wedding date. In the counselor's office, the future groom complained that his fiancée needed to discuss in minute detail every aspect of their wedding. She complained he would not talk about anything unless pushed to do so.

Conflict centered around communication styles and different needs. Trying to engage her fiancé in something other than surface talk created resistance, which caused the young woman to feel anxious and rejected. She, however, learned not to be put off by uncomfortable feelings. If important issues could not be resolved immediately, she learned to wait for a more opportune time.

Resilience is overcoming obstacles to reach an objective. When Jesus asked Peter three times if he loved him, he was seeking a commitment that Peter seemingly had trouble giving. Jesus was asking for more than a minimal commitment. He wanted Peter's complete loyalty, including his promise to be faithful. This is what Jesus is asking from us.  

Change, Challenge, and Convictions of Steel - Part 3

Engagement is a wonderful word most often referring to a couple's decision to make their relationship exclusive. Engagement means entering a covenant bond with promises regarding roles and behaviors to be honored for a lifetime. The integrity of each person entering this covenant bond affects the endurance of the relationship.

Engagement is an essential factor in communication. Engaging a person in conversation means more than exchanging words. It indicates two people are on the same track and their exchange of words is meaningful. To engage another person means to give value to that person, and it goes beyond words to give recognition to what another is feeling.

Resilience is related to staying on track rather than getting sidetracked. Jesus in John 21 demonstrated resilience with Peter when he asked him three times, "Peter do you love me?" Jesus was aware of the trials yet to be endured by Peter. He engaged and challenged Peter by asking for a commitment that would endure regardless of hardships yet to be faced.