Searching the Heart with Search Talk – Part 2

In every effort to communicate, each individual responds to the one speaking and to one’s own moods, expectations, and thoughts. This sets up a chain reaction that can be positive or negative. Search talk seeks to discover solutions to problems, develop guidelines for living, and develop a perspective for pursuing a mutually agreed upon course of action.

Search talk makes every effort to understand one another in terms of what is needed or wanted. Search talk also implies that trust and respect are a given, assuring what is discovered will remain private and never used to hurt the other.

Search talk can provide clues on how to overcome obstacles. Jesus consistently engaged others in search talk to help clarify needs, discover solutions to problems, and bring light to hidden motives. Psalm 4:4 challenges you to search your heart and mind by thinking deeply when there is trouble and then to seek solutions from wise counselors. Wait patiently until you are confident in how God wants you to proceed.  

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Tremble and do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent.

~Psalm 4:4 New International Version

The Lord searches all hearts and examines deepest motives so he can give to each person his right reward, according to his deeds – how he has lived.

~Jeremiah 17:10 The Living Bible

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You Hurt My Feelings!

Anger is seldom experienced in isolation. What I've observed is that hurt feelings most often precede anger. What's it like to have your feelings hurt? Most people will not admit their feelings are hurt because it feels like a weakness. Can you imagine telling someone who was rude or disrespectful they hurt your feelings?

It's easier to allow hurt feelings to transform into anger. Hurt feelings portray vulnerability. Anger projects invincibility with a readiness to defend. Hurt feelings require comfort with soothing words while anger pushes others away. Anger projects harshness with eyes dilated and blazing, willing to fight.

God created us with the capacity to experience hurt and anger for our benefit. One way to manage anger is being able to accept that hurt feelings are a prelude to anger. Admitting hurt feelings is crucial to preventing anger from doing damage. God respects honesty and truth, and he will help you accept hurt feelings as an option to anger.