Revenge Is Evil ~ God's Way Is Best

Getting through life without being hurt is impossible. It happens when someone we trust acts out in ways to hurt our feelings. Even if unintentional, the damage to trust can be long-lasting. Two initial responses to being hurt are to pretend everything is fine or to punish the offender by seeking revenge.

Jacob’s sons took the revenge approach when a man from their neighborhood raped their sister Dinah. They plotted to annihilate anyone remotely responsible for this crime. Revenge includes a calculating mindset encased in hatred or rage with little consideration of repercussions, including how others who were not involved would be affected.

          Whether we internalize pain or plan revenge, neither will dissolve the hurt we feel. God is not pleased with revenge as payment for hurtful behavior. Although God does not respond on our time schedule, he ultimately brings justice in his time and in his way. God’s desire is for us to trust him to do what is right and beneficial.
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Don't take revenge, dear friends, but let God punish, because the Bible says, "I alone have the right to avenge. I will pay back," says the Lord. 
~ROMANS 12:19 Beck - New Testament in the Language of Today

You Hurt My Feelings!

Anger is seldom experienced in isolation. What I've observed is that hurt feelings most often precede anger. What's it like to have your feelings hurt? Most people will not admit their feelings are hurt because it feels like a weakness. Can you imagine telling someone who was rude or disrespectful they hurt your feelings?

It's easier to allow hurt feelings to transform into anger. Hurt feelings portray vulnerability. Anger projects invincibility with a readiness to defend. Hurt feelings require comfort with soothing words while anger pushes others away. Anger projects harshness with eyes dilated and blazing, willing to fight.

God created us with the capacity to experience hurt and anger for our benefit. One way to manage anger is being able to accept that hurt feelings are a prelude to anger. Admitting hurt feelings is crucial to preventing anger from doing damage. God respects honesty and truth, and he will help you accept hurt feelings as an option to anger.

A Bridge to Reconciliation

Concealment and withholding are effective tools for potentially controlling what happens in a relationship. Suppose your feelings were hurt in a conversation, but you were afraid to reveal your wound so you remained silent. This is a common conflict avoidance practice, especially if you’re fearful of appearing weak or ridiculous.

Concealment of hurt feelings builds a bridge to anger and sadness. Note that concealment of hurt or sad feelings often transforms into withholding affection and intimacy. Withholding is a defense device used to protect yourself from further exposure to hurt, plus a passive means of punishing another person for hurting your feelings.

Jesus gave you this encouragement: “If you have an issue with someone, go to that person and openly address the problem.” What makes this so hard is the risk of being hurt again, but to do so frees you of what you’re concealing and potentially builds a bridge to the future God has already prepared for you. Ask Christ Jesus for courage.