Keep Crisis Out of Conflict: Confront

Some conflict in life is inevitable and necessary, for without conflict and struggle, relationships could become stagnant and sluggish. However, unresolved conflict can cause trouble when anger accumulates instead of diminishes. In addition, unattended conflict tends to create unhealthy levels of anxiety.

In 1776 Thomas Paine wrote in The American Crisis, "These are the times that try men's souls." Crisis created by unresolved conflict will test every fiber that holds a relationship together. Surprisingly, conflicts that often do the most damage are those which are left unattended because of fear and dread.

Thomas Paine also said: “Conflict, like Hell, is not easily conquered.” Jesus never flinched when confronting evil or unhealthy people. He never denied that his message or mission angered important leaders. Jesus cared enough to confront, so herein lies your challenge. Do you care enough to confront that which is unhealthy in your relationships?  

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If a fellow believer hurts you, go and tell him – work it out between the two of you. If he listens, you’ve made a friend.

~Matthew 18:15 The Message

You’re blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That’s when you discover who you really are, and your place in God’s family.

~Matthew 5:9 The Message

A Bridge to Reconciliation

Concealment and withholding are effective tools for potentially controlling what happens in a relationship. Suppose your feelings were hurt in a conversation, but you were afraid to reveal your wound so you remained silent. This is a common conflict avoidance practice, especially if you’re fearful of appearing weak or ridiculous.

Concealment of hurt feelings builds a bridge to anger and sadness. Note that concealment of hurt or sad feelings often transforms into withholding affection and intimacy. Withholding is a defense device used to protect yourself from further exposure to hurt, plus a passive means of punishing another person for hurting your feelings.

Jesus gave you this encouragement: “If you have an issue with someone, go to that person and openly address the problem.” What makes this so hard is the risk of being hurt again, but to do so frees you of what you’re concealing and potentially builds a bridge to the future God has already prepared for you. Ask Christ Jesus for courage.