Want to Communicate? Then Communicate

During the initial days of a relationship, each person tries to present an acceptable image of themselves. How we communicate determines whether a relationship ends or goes forward. Each encounter is an interview which conveys truth and honesty – or disinformation and fiction.

It's not unusual for an individual to refuse to communicate except when necessary, and then only on a superficial level. Unresolved conflict is a primary reason for diminished communications. Becoming detached or distant in one's relationships reflects an unwillingness to live by the virtues that give life its richest meaning and purpose.

Unhappiness can result in a decision to live in emotional exile. However, effective communication therapy helps individuals become responsive and open enough to restore meaning and purpose to their relationships. Hiding from the truth is contrary to God's plan. God promises the truth will set you free, and you can trust God's word to be true. 

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Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.

~Proverbs 18:21 English Standard Version

I will give you a new heart – I will give you new and right desires – and put a new spirit within you. I will take out your stony hearts of sin and give you new hearts of love.

~Ezekiel 36:26 The Living Bible

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Christ, a Calming Voice in Our Storms

Conflict is a normal part of living within hurried lifestyles that allocate little time for listening to and understanding one another. People draw close where there is time for fun, communication and opportunities to get to know each other. Yet over time, unresolved conflict may systematically diminish the effort to build unity of heart and soul.

Although conflict exists between family members, it should not become destructive. Make a covenant with family members that disputes will be settled to benefit everyone involved. Take responsibility early for anger and frustration because these powerful emotions become fuel to set off emotional explosions.

Identify these feelings and their root cause. This is God’s way for managing disputes rather than demeaning or criticizing others. Proverbs 15:18 reminds us that “Hot tempers stir up strife but being slow to anger calms a dispute.” Ask each family member to propose resolutions to problems. Be open to viewing others as God sees them. 

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A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words cause quarrels. The Lord is watching everywhere and keeps his eye on both the evil and the good. Gentle words cause life and health; griping brings discouragement.

~Proverbs 15:1,3-4 The Living Bible

Jesus got up and ordered the wind and the waves to be quiet. The wind stopped, and everything was calm. Jesus asked the disciples, “Why were you afraid? Don’t you have any faith?”

~Mark 4:39-40 Contemporary English Version

Keep Crisis Out of Conflict: Confront

Some conflict in life is inevitable and necessary, for without conflict and struggle, relationships could become stagnant and sluggish. However, unresolved conflict can cause trouble when anger accumulates instead of diminishes. In addition, unattended conflict tends to create unhealthy levels of anxiety.

In 1776 Thomas Paine wrote in The American Crisis, "These are the times that try men's souls." Crisis created by unresolved conflict will test every fiber that holds a relationship together. Surprisingly, conflicts that often do the most damage are those which are left unattended because of fear and dread.

Thomas Paine also said: “Conflict, like Hell, is not easily conquered.” Jesus never flinched when confronting evil or unhealthy people. He never denied that his message or mission angered important leaders. Jesus cared enough to confront, so herein lies your challenge. Do you care enough to confront that which is unhealthy in your relationships?  

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If a fellow believer hurts you, go and tell him – work it out between the two of you. If he listens, you’ve made a friend.

~Matthew 18:15 The Message

You’re blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That’s when you discover who you really are, and your place in God’s family.

~Matthew 5:9 The Message

From Dilemma to Opportunity

Try to imagine how surprised Joseph was when after twenty years, his brothers who had sold him into slavery were now standing before him. Although Joseph easily identified them, they failed to recognize Joseph. That Joseph could be Governor of Egypt was too absurd for them to contemplate.

There was a severe drought in the region, so his brothers came to Egypt to buy grain, and Joseph supervised the grain distribution program. Joseph never could have predicted the dilemma he faced regarding how to respond to his brothers. He held the power to enslave and repay them for the suffering he had endured as a young adult.

Joseph's brothers were now bowing before him. As a teenager Joseph had dreamed they bowed before him and now that dream had come true. Troubles surface at unpredictable intervals to challenge the status quo of our lives and to provide opportunities for resolving old conflicts and making amends. This is one of God’s best surprises, and if we honor it, healing is possible. 

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Praise the Lord! Happy is the person who honors the Lord, who takes pleasure in obeying his commands.

~Psalm 112:1 Good News Bible

He does not fear bad news, nor live in dread of what may happen. For he is settled in his mind that Jehovah will take care of him. That is why he is not afraid, but can calmly face his foes.

~Psalm 112:7-8 The Living Bible

I am always aware of the Lord’s presence; he is near, and nothing can shake me.

~Psalm 16:8 Good News Bible

Like It or Not, Change Will Come - Part 3

What does it take to make significant personal, social or financial changes? Our economy basically runs on credit and a philosophical perspective that says, enjoy it now and pay later. What does it take to make significant changes concerning what you think you need, what you must have, and how to fit in socially to secure your happiness?

Trying to make changes can be discouraging because real change doesn’t come easily. Change must begin at a deeper level within the heart and mind and then move outwardly. God made it possible to realize change is needed when relationships deteriorate due to unresolved conflicts trying to co-exist with anger and sadness.

Significant change becomes possible as we sacrifice pride and fear to be honest with God, significant others and ourselves. Restoring love and affection is the primary objective along with conflict resolution. The First Epistle of John commands us to love one another, which is possible when love for God is our primary objective.