Choice of Words – Vital for Effective Communication

Choosing what to say and how to say it is an essential principal for effective communication. This truth is acknowledged in Proverbs 15:4: “Words that bring healing are a tree of life, but deceitful words crush the spirit.” Choosing words carefully mirrors a person’s thoughtfulness and character. It is also indicative of active listening.

Some people listen to be supportive while others listen to be critical and condescending. Instead of listening to a complete sentence or idea, some individuals hear only certain words and miss what is in the heart of the one speaking. Our words should always be indictive of a healthy, caring person.

It’s important to remember that whatever is in your heart and mind reveals your true character, as reflected in your words. Listen to Psalm 37:30-31: “The mouth of the righteous utters wisdom and his tongue speaks justice. The law of his God is in his heart; his foot does not slip.” Allow the Lord Jesus to fill you with his wisdom and righteousness. This will transform your heart and soul.  

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An idea well-expressed is like a design of gold, set in silver. A warning given by an experienced person to someone willing to listen is more valuable than gold rings or jewelry made of the finest gold.

~Proverbs 25:11-12 Good News Bible

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Communicate with Kindness, Not Cruelty

Communication can be direct and to the point or indirect and subtle. Either way can be effective in conveying information. Communication can express either warmth and loving acceptance or rejection with cold-hearted hatred. Words can be used as a means for resolving conflict or for advancing selfish desires and ambitions.

I recently observed a father attempting to manage his three young sons. His management style shifted from using a commanding voice to being humorous and playful, depending on what was needed at the moment. The boys could be playful and happy but then shift to using fighting, hostile words.

Adults also are capable of communicating with spiteful, malicious language that takes aim at another’s character and self-esteem. Proverbs 11:17 gives this counsel: “Your own soul is nourished when you are kind, but you destroy yourself when you are cruel.” So guard your thoughts and words, for in doing so you will please and honor what Christ Jesus expects of you. 

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Kind words heal and help; cutting words wound and maim.

~Proverbs 15:4 The Message

What you say can preserve life or destroy it; so you must accept the consequences of your words.

~Proverbs 18:21 Good News Bible       

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Fighting Words Aren't Wise Words

I’m consistently reminded how quickly children learn to defend their possessions. This demonstrates their first primitive act of setting boundaries. During the toddler stage, children use imperatives such as, "No!" “Stop!” and "That's mine!"  They've also learned to coach others into play activities by means of persuasion.

When situations become tense, children blame others and fight to force change in their flavor. The objective of “fight language” is to create  fear and force compliance with what is demanded. Fighting words are a communication style used to assert power and make intentions known.

No one likes to lose an argument, so aggressive language is used as a defense against being vulnerable and exposing weaknesses. Proverbs 15 gives us a better way. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger.” Also, “The tongue of the wise brings healing as a tree of life.” This communication style can save a relationship. It’s worth the effort.  

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A quick-tempered person starts fights; a cool-tempered person stop them.

~Proverbs 15:18 New Living Translation 

Good judgment proves that you are wise, and if you speak kindly, you can teach others.

~Proverbs 16:21 Contemporary English Version

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